wives and their mothers

architechnophilia

I love my mother in law, incredibly but I've found that my wife spends a considerably amount of time speaking to her mother. It's not just talking her in general, but she talks to her about things that I believe are personal in our relationship. Further frustrating that the times in the day when we are not working nor bothered by the stresses of the day she spends in convo with her mum. I've expressed the need to create a bit of separation but with minumal success.

 Help! 

Kimbus22

Daughters and mothers are an interesting thing.   My husband and I went through a similar adjustment when we first moved in together.  He was honest about his feelings but also compromised with me.

I'm not sure how you've expressed the need for separation.  But it's okay to explain to her that you feel certain things are private and ask her not to discuss them with her mother because it makes you uncomfortable.  She should be willing to do that.  And there's nothing wrong with asking her to keep her conversations short and sweet  or to call her back later when you guys are relaxing together, having dinner, etc.  But if you're upset because she's talking to her mom for half an hour every night while you're watching something on tv or playing a video game, you need to let it go.

And don't try to compare their relationship with the one you have with your mother.  You guys are two different people and it's just not relevant.

Golden42

PP is right. I talk to my mom every day, but I do it on my drive home from work, and I don't tell her about fights or issues DH and I have had. So it doesn't impact our relationship. I think you can and should address how it makes you feel when she goes to her mom instead of you to talk out problems. That is valid. Just make sure that you aren't attacking her mom in the process, because that will NOT end well. Focus on how you want to work through your problems together and talk them out. How it makes you feel bad when she goes to her mom instead of coming to you. And that you want her mom to have a good impression of you, so you worry about that if she is talking to her mom about your personal life.