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Need SERIOUS help...
Okay...now I know this was stupid of me but, I have a HUGE problem now.
I am divorced and remarried with a son of 14 months. Last year, while pregnant, my ex husband sued me for money I owed him. As per our divorce agreement, I had to pay half of our credit card debt and some house bills until out house was sold. I didn't, I was so angry with him, and, to be honest, was already dating my now husband so I was a bit preoccupied. I moved out of state to be with my now husband, and didn't have a job, so had no means to pay. Now, I am a SAHM mom and don't plan on working.
I got notice of my ex suing me, but didn't really take him seriously at first. I didn't think he'd actually do it. I'm filing for bankruptcy, I've ALOT of debt, however, as per our divorce agreement, even if I do declare bankruptcy, I'm still forced to pay my ex. It sucks.
My now husband wants NO PART of this, and this case has been to trial twice, I haven't responded or shown up to either, I honestly thought my ex would let it go...I honestly NEVER thought he'd sue me. I think his witch of a new wife is making him do it. Whatever. I can't afford a laywer and don't want to pay him and have no means to unless I ask my mom for the money.
I just got a letter from his lawyers saying since I violated 2 court orders, they are seeing my arrest and incarceration unless I pay! My friend who's a police officer says it can happen and since I never responded to the courts, there's a good chance it could happen.
HELP! What can I do?
Re: Need SERIOUS help...
WHAT do you do? Indeed: borrow the money from your mother.
And that's if she says yes.
Maybe there'll be toughlove and she'll turn you down.
What do you do?? Be an adult.
Leave your mom out of it and go out and find a full time job. Pay what you need to out of it for child care, and the rest goes to your ex. When you have secured a job, get proof of your position and pay rate, and a bill for child care. Then call his lawyers, show them the documentation, and set up a payment plan. When you pay him off, then you can have the privilege of being a stay at home mom. Until then, grow up and pay off your debts.
This is fantastic advice.
But there is still the fact that you:
Ignored an agreement that you made, and probably under oath
LIED about your marital status
LIED about everything else
AND you're in contempt of court, to boot.;
Get an attorney and stat -- and be brutally honest about what you lied about and what you said. YOu're in a whole lot of legal trouble just for lying and blatantly ignoring an agreement that you legally made. The money that you now owe -- and compounding lots of interest --- is only a small part of the story.
Your current H needs to rethink your sorry azz. Look at what he married:
An immature liar who just does what she wishes and hasn't got the character to uphold an agreement made in a legal court.
Maybe when you're in another divorce court you'll finally see the light.
Do you think he wants to be saddled with your debt and your problem?
Not to mention that the "witch" that your xH married also wants no part of this mess that you made.
You blew off two court orders? No offense but what planet are you on that you think you just get away with that?
Your question, "what can I do?" is laughable. Stop blowing this off, grow up, and pay the damn money that you knew you had to pay a year ago. Get a job and pay it. Every single penny you make from this job should go straight to paying off this debt and to nothing else.
I have zero sympathy for you.
And that's if they don't garnish her pay while they are at it.
This is where I'm at. What the hell are/were you thinking? You agreed to pay, so grow up and find a way to do it. In the mean time, cross your fingers you don't get arrested for contempt, I guess.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussYou actually lost me at "dating my now husband so I was a bit preoccupied".
God, you sound immature. I don't have a lot of debt, but part of the reason for that is that I work full time. This is what adults do. Not everyone gets the luxury of being a SAHM.
Oh, and LOL at this it's his wicked new wife behind this. Is she wicked only because she thinks you should pay the $$ that you AGREED to pay?
Grow up honey. Realize that you live in the real world where debts have to be paid. And you have to work to earn $$ to pay them off.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Oh, I'm sure they will. I know someone who was in a similar situation, but from the H's side. Debt was split in the divorce, one spouse didn't pay and it was jacking up her credit, so she paid some of it to get the creditors off her back. Because they don't care where the money comes from of course. She filed for contempt and for collection on the judgment. He actually showed up, so no warrant, but they garnished his wages to make him pay.
OP you made a huge @ss mess. Huge. I don't blame your new H for not wanting to be a part of it. How na?ve were you to think that you could just ignore a COURT ORDER and it would just go away? If I were your ex I'd sue you too. Those debts don't disappear just because you won't pay. If you have a warrant, you need to go to the court, and beg to not be thrown in jail, show them that you are really willing to pay. And you have to come up with the money or a nice big chunk of it to show you are really serious about resolving this issue.
I just wanted to post in here before the inevitable DD
and seriously, OP....wtf. Do you think you are above the law that you can shirk your responsibility? Grow up and honor your obligations.
You have to be kidding! Did you think sticking your head in the sand would make it go away?
You will go to jail in a heartbeat for something like this. There was once a warrant out for my arrest for an unpaid ticket. I had paid the ticket long before it was due, the check had cleared the bank but the county had processed it under the wrong ticket number. I could have gone to jail. This is a reality.
Get a job. Get an attorney. Pay your debt. You don't have the luxury of being a stay at home mom until this is resolved.
Gee, if you were in such financial doo doo, who paid for your second wedding, if you had a big to-do???? Probably you and your H --- but you don't have the money for what you rightfully owe and need to pay up on???
And gee, bitter much? It's his witch of a wife dat made him do it!
Bottom line is you have to grow up and pay. It's either you pay or you go to jail. T
I understand what you all are saying, but I DON'T have the money! I moved to be with my now husband, and lived on credit cards until I got a job...then, I had the job until I was 8 months pregnant and I have no since gone back. I have no college degree, and have made under 30K throughout my first marriage. (My ex KNOWS all this and he STILL sued me!) Daycare is very expensive and I need a work from home position,which is hard to come by.
My grandmother and aunt paid for my second small wedding. Why shouldn;'t I have a celebration because I owe someone money? Am I not allowed to be happy?
Luckily, everything is in my now husband's name: apartment, cell phone, cars, bills...if we buy a house, it would go under his name as I am filing for bankruptcy. I'm so stressed. I honestly thought he was bluffing when he said he'd sue me.
And, no, this is not MUD...this is my life! I have a 14 month old, a husband who is PISSED and a HUGE debt to pay, with NO job and NO means of any income.
(and I think this is MUD)
Look, I get that you may have financial problems, but what you do not seem to see is that your failure to pay a legally mandated debt is likely causing your ex financial problems as well. I don't blame him for being pissed and suing you. He likely has no choice, otherwise the creditors are going to come after him. That is the way joint debt works.
You did yourself no favors by ignoring everything. They can, and most likely will, put you in jail for your failure to appear. Most courts don't mess around with people who flout their decisions like you have. Maybe you need to take out another loan to pay this debt. Never a great option. But I would do whatever it took to stay out of jail. You created this mess, compounded it by LYING to the court (didn't catch that the last time, good lord), and now you have to fix it.
ETA: I realize that the lying was in your other thread on Trouble In Paradise. For those of you not reading it over there, she lied about being a single parent when she is married, and is somehow shocked that the court knows she is married.)
OMG are you for real? You keep trying to explain away and deflect blame to your ex and his new wife. NO ONE IS TO BLAME BUT YOU - NO ONE. Do you understand that? And short answer to "Am I not allowed to be happy?" - No, not right now.
You and your ex accrued this debt together. You AGREED to pay your half, as you should. But then you got pissed, preoccupied and pregnant (for the love of God please tell me you weren't trying to get KU despite being in such dire financial straits). None of those reasons absolve you from paying off this debt, showing up at court, complying with court orders, and otherwise being a responsible ADULT.
If you can afford to be a SAHM, you sure as sh!t can find a way to pay this money back. Get a job, any job that will take you, and grow the eff up already. But please, STOP blaming everyone else. Acknowledge and accept that you are culpable and start making this right.
Life's natural consequences WILL catch up with you. I highly recommend you get ahead of it because it otherwise won't be pretty (jail, another divorce, god forbid your child is taken away from you... don't screw this up any more than you already have because guaranteed it will get worse).
And considering you had debt to pay off, you should have put the child on hold.
I would not doubt that the IRS will get involved in this, if you do not make arrangements to pay up. If you do not pay and you do not have a job, they will find a way to get that money out of you.
ANY job will do: retail, restaurant, telemarketing, work as a temp working for somebody --- take whatever job you can find and use that money, as somebody suggested, as a dedicated fund to pay off what you owe.
I would not like to see DYFS get involved in this, nor would I like to see you serve a jail term.
Get some character and do the right thing. Face the music. If you think this is bad now, because you didn't think you needed to pay up, it will get worse, if you do not start making tracks to pay off what you owe your exH.
I do not know what happened between your xH and you but geez, make nice and be an adult and fix this.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
This is perjury. And a great big offense.
What you could do:
Get a job right now --- and this way, when you go before a judge or other law officer, you will have a huge ally in your benefit: you have a job and you intend to use the earnings to pay your xH.
Just go to jail! Then you don't have to worry about watching your kid or finding a job or dealing with your pissed-off DH. Plus, I hear they have great dental.
Thanks for the laugh, OP, but I refuse to believe anyone would be so stupid to think that someone wasn't serious about following up on a legal agreement after two scheduled court dates.
Are you kidding me?
Really, that's a honest question. Are you joking right now?
He tried to take you to court TWICE, but you thought that was a joke? You are in some deep sh!t, OP.