Married Life
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Who does the housework?
Did you split chores equally while living together and then find yourself doing more after you married? How did you decide who does what? Do you feel like you're doing more (and does that bother you)?
Re: Who does the housework?
I do all the inside stuff (dusting, sweeping, etc.) and my DH does the yard work. He also does our finances.
I probably do more than he does, but I have a schedule that stick to so I'm okay with it. Plus, I hate looking at our finances and my husband does a great job with it. I feel like it's a good deal.
We don't split it like "I'm in charge of this and you're in charge of that."... We both contribute (although I'm more of a neat freak so I typically do a little more.) He works shift work and his days off rotate, so when he's home during the day he will clean up the house so it's done when I get home, days that he's at work I usually do it while I'm cooking supper. I will say that he does pretty much all of the outside stuff, and I do mostly all of the laundry. It's just what works for us.
That being said, there are times when we both go for a few days without doing anything and our house looks destroyed. Then we team clean for a while to get it under control. Lol.
I do way more than he does. Laundry, kitchen, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, all of the cooking and errands, dusting, taking care of the cat.
DH does most of the outside stuff, but I help rake and pull weeds sometimes.
It gets on my nerves every now and then, but DH has a very stressful job and goes to school 3 nights a week, so I feel like I should be doing more of the housework to help even things out (and to keep him from going mad). If his class is cancelled or he gets to leave work early, he will help with dishes or laundry, but it doesn't happen very often, and I'm ok with that.
This has been an issue for H and I since I can remember. I'm the neat freak of the relationship whereas he was raised in a much more "casual" environment. He also tends to have a busier schedule than me although we both work FT and go to school PT.
I do try to dial back my stress over a messy household but it does get on my nerves that he basically makes messes and I clean them up. He helps when I ask (sometimes plead with) him but he rarely shows the initiative to do chores unless it is very visibly getting on my nerves. He DOES do his own laundry though because he gets his clothes dirtier quicker than I do (I can reuse some of mine whereas if he wears anything once, it's dirty, lol). If we didn't keep our laundry separate, I'd never get my own laundry done!
I do most of everything- cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, taking care of the cat and dog, etc. My DH has a tough job with a crazy schedule and I work a regular 9-5. I am also a neat freak and like things clean and tidy. DH does do the outside work- mowing the lawn, weed waking, snow removal etc. I just weed the front flower bed. It typically is not an issue, this is just what works for us. He does do the dishes when we are both home for dinner and will help out if I ask. Every couple/marriage is different you just have to figure out what works best for you.
EDIT- i forgot to add that i do take care of all the bills (im an accountant) that is the only thing that i get frustrated with. He wants nothing to do with it so he is clueless and it gets on my nerves.
I used to do more, but now we're pretty split. We both grocery shop, we both cook (though he does more; I help), we share pet care, we both do house stuff like laundry & dishes, etc. If it needs to get done we do it. It's pretty simple.
I take care of money which I mostly enjoy but does get tiring at times.
Same here! It works quite well
I tend to be a little OCD when it comes to cleaning so I tend to do a little more:
Outside- We own a condo, so little to no yard work. H handles the grill/deck stuff, car stuff (checking tire pressure, oil levels, washer fluid). We both with shovel
Dog- I handle all grooming, we both feed-walk-play-take outside
Dishes- I usually do but he helps
Laundry- We both do
Cleaning- I dust, he vacuums
Home Issues- H handles anyting that requires the use of tools (repairs, hanging pictures) I do the painting of walls though cuz he sux
Finances- I oversee them, but we mostly do them together
Cooking- It's more him in the summer with grilling, winter its about me-60% him-40%
H does the:
vacuuming, taking out the trash, cleaning the shower & our finances
I do the:
laundry, cleaning the sink/toilet
Together we:
Cook, clean the kitchen, pick up around the house. Also we grocery shop & run errands together. We take turns feeding the cat/cleaning the litter box.
We live in an apt so no outside chores.
Like most of the previous posters, we have an unspoken agreement that he does most of the outdoor things, like cutting grass and trimming (although I tend to the garden), and I do things like cooking (because I'm better at it and don't mind) and laundry. He does help out with indoor chores, like he will do the dishes after dinner every night or vacuum the carpets. We both work full-time, but his schedule is a lot more hectic and he puts in a lot of overtime, so I honestly don't mind if I put in a little extra time with the house. The situation has been reversed where I was working more and he put in more work around the house then.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
I've currently got some physical issues, so my h does most of the work:
He cooks & feeds the humans and cat, cleans the litter box, takes out the trash, the dishes, the finances, and does the cleaning I ask. He gets up to do things for me when I need.
I usually keep things neat, sweep, organize our to-dos, dust, and do necessary shopping. I clean when I can. I do a lot of planning and such because we currently have a lot going on, which keeps me busy.
We don't have an outside .
Well every two weeks my cleaning ladies do... but in addition to what they do, we share the responsibilities. I clean the bathrooms in between them coming and keep up the rest of the house, but my H will help if I need him to.
I do all the meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking- he'll help with prep work and dishes if I need him to. He does the trash. I mow the lawn, he'll weed wack it occasionally. We both weed/mulch/get the yard ready for spring in the beginning of the year, and I tend to keep up on it. He cleans up after the dog. I do most of the laundry but he will help me fold (which I SO appreciate- I hate folding the laundry). I do all the ironing.
He pays our joint bills, we each pay our individual ones (credit cards).
I feel it is pretty evenly split. Having someone else clean every 2 weeks is awesome in that it prevents us from getting irritated over who is having to do what. It takes away that stress for us.
My H mostly mows the lawn and does the outside stuff when he can, and I take care of pretty much everything else like laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming, taking care of the pets, cooking (although H does make meals a couple of times a week) and all that fun stuff. My H works nights while I work from home, so it's easy for me to take care of most of the housework. He also has back issues that make things difficult for him, but when he feels ok he does help out a bit. It used to bother me (and once in a while still gets on my nerves) but then I remember that he's hurting most of the time and I feel bad.
We used to split things about 50/50 when we first moved in together and we were both going to school and working out of the home, but when his back problems started developing that changed since he couldn't do as much around the house. He also makes double what I make and takes care of all of our savings and investments (I pay the bills) and he's really great about spoiling me in other aspects so it all works out for us.
Thanks all for sharing. I noticed two things:
? the guys seem to still be doing the typically "blue" jobs, like outside/yard work
? the way we gals talk about what the guys do is that he "helps out" or "pitches in" (I don't think we consider it "pitching in" when we cook, vacuum or grocery shop
Does it all feel very gendered to you? (full disclosure: my marriage was very gendered, but since I was mostly a SAHM with a part-time job and he worked full time, it seemed fair).
Proud Newbie Gardener
dont worry i can be alittle high strung too. ive def learned to relax alittle bit in the 3 years we have been married but it is another reason why i dont mind just doing the housework myself, it gets done when i want and how i like it. So no big deal. Better than arguing about it.
Our situation is a little different, each of us was a single parent before we married, and our kids are adults now.
I HATE housework like cleaning floors, dusting, mopping. But I love the "guy" things like working on the outdoors, planning home renovations and taking care of that with a little muscle help from him.
I cook & clean up after meals, load the dishwasher. We each do our own laundry. I work at home 99% of the time, so my laundry is minimal.
All of this was discussed before we married. He knows if tidiness and a clean house are important, he'll be the one doing it. I pretty much do everything else. It works for us.