Married Life
Leftie22
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Just curious...
in Married Life
Who else out there isn't really into weddings?
I hate hearing statements like "all little girls dream of their wedding". I believe in marriage, but don't care for weddings. I don't really like going to weddings, or being in wedding parties, and planning my own wedding was like torture. (I'm not very traditional and I'm an introvert who hates being in the spotlight.) To me, it felt like a waste of money and time, and caused way too much stress. (Because I wasn't doing what a bride "should" do.)
I figure there must be more women out there who feel the way I do. Anyone? Or am I really a freak?
Re: Just curious...
P.s. I also found that the wedding made everyone around me bat-sh*t crazy. Suddenly my MIL was crying over the fact that we weren't having a cake, my SIL refused to buy the $40 flowergirl dress I asked her to, and instead made my parents buy her daughter a $200 dress (the same as what my wedding dress cost!!) and then told me she was worried they'd be "more dressed up" than me...oh man. It was awful.
I could use a laugh today - untraditional ladies, tell me your wedding woes!
I am just like the both of you! I thought I was the only one! We also had a small wedding of 60 people and I actually LOVED planning my own wedding. Once it was over, I was like "ok,now what?" But yes, I hated the first dance, dancing with my dad, walking down the aisle, cutting the cake. I wanted to just crawl under the table with everyone looking at me. But I knew I had to get through it as H wanted the actual wedding. We did a JP so it was a quick ceremony. I actually popped a Xanax 15 min before the ceremony. We had a cupcakes tower with a small cake on top instead of the big cake and my mom hated the idea, the groom and groomsment wore kakyi (sp?) instead of traditional black or gray so I'm sure people were like WTF? And we had a candybar, so fun!! Screw what anyone else though tho. My wedding, my style.
But yes, I've been dragged to a few weddings and I hate them. You never know half of the people that are there and I just get really uncomfortable. There are times where I just hung out in the bathroom cuz my dates at the time would ditch me, even H did that in the begining and I told him enough is enough.
I'm actually ditching a wedding coming up because the only people I know are going to be the bride/groom and H who is the wedding party- no thanks....we are barely friends with these people anymore so it would be a big waste of time/money for me. I'm not doing anything that makes me uncomfortable anymore.
Totally feel your pain
Oh man, thank you!! I'm glad I'm not the only one! There must be more of us...
I laughed out loud at the hiding in the bathroom - I've used that move so many times!
I also think it's funny that it's very often the husband who wants the big wedding! Why doesn't anyone ever talk about that?! My DH was the one who wanted a huge circus wedding. We met somewhere in the middle, but I only had two bridesmaids who chose their own, different colored dresses (another thing my MIL cried about!), didn't dance with my dad, didn't sit at a head table, didn't have speeches, and had a "first dance" that everyone was invited to join. (It was nice, I liked having my parents and siblings dancing with us!)
Let's hear from some more awkward brides!
When there are events that we go to, I drive so that way if I feel uncomfortable and want to leave I can and H can find a ride home...makes me feel better
I was exactly like you! I am an introvert also and hate big crowds and being the center of attention. Thankfully my husband is the same way--he actually wanted to elope--but it was important to our families to see us marry. We had an extremely small wedding, about 30 people including us, with just a MOH and best man. My bridal shower and the rehearsal dinner were very intimate occasions. We had the ceremony and reception at a friend's house (they had a huge backyard with a garden, with a deck for dancing and a large space on the first floor for the reception), I got my wedding dress from Goodwill and we had our favorite local Italian restaurant cater the wedding. We also took a lot of liberties with the traditions, upholding those that were important to us (like my dad walking me down the aisle) while forgoing others. It was stressful for me, but it was still the best day of my life.
On the other hand, I absolutely despise other people's weddings, especially when I'm asked to be in the wedding party.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
I actively like marriage and dislike weddings. I never dreamed about my wedding, ever. My husband felt the same way, so since I had to have a wedding due to a long story, we kept the ceremony short and sweet, made the the themes things we thought were awesome instead of traditional, and focused on it being a big happy party for everyone. We also had it in an awesome location.
Seemed like everyone, including people who both like and dislike weddings, ended up having a blast. I got several ''best wedding ever'' comments.
But we wanted to elope :-)
I am definitely an introvert (though I enjoy performing on stage, but I didn't want my wedding to feel like a performance). We had no wedding party, no aisle, no music, no pomp, no circumstance. It was us, ~10 friends/family including the officiant, outside under a beautiful blooming tree. I made my dress with the help of a friend and sewing machine. Then we went to dinner at a restaurant afterward. It was perfect. CHEAP! easy. comfortable. beautiful. natural. very me. very him.
I don't enjoy going to formal weddings or being in them very much. I do it if I really love the person, but I don't get thrilled to be in a wedding party! I think they're mostly a waste of money and excuse to pretend to be a disney princess. Meh.
Our wedding was small. There was 23 of us including the bridal party. My husband wanted a JP so that's what we used.
We got married at a local spa that does weddings so my planning was easy. I had to find a dress, flowers, hair, photographer and DJ.
There were a few traditional things that I wanted like the dress and my dad walking me down the aisle. DH had no problem with renting a tux.
Our wedding party was my SIL was my MOH, his brother was his best man, my brother was a groomsman and my nephew was the flower boy. My nephew decided tossing flower petals was more fun than carrying rings and I was OK with that.
We decided to use a DJ for the ceremony music and dinner music so that it was one less thing for us to worry about. We used DJ Melee and he totally nailed exactly what we needed him to do. I had one cousin that complained that he didn't "do" anything and my mom's response to her was "that was the point!" He played music during dinner and the socializing afterwards and didn't make it so that we had to shout to be heard over the music. Mom loved us deciding on current instrumental music and the Vitamin String Quartet as dinner music. DH and I had no dancing because we have two left feet.
The guest list was easy to figure out. I asked myself the question: Who am I comfortable having dinner with on a regular basis or the holidays? The only thing that I truly wished was that his mom had been there (She passed away about 18 months after we married). DH's family is VERY drama prone and he only invited two family members that know how to behave (one sister and one brother. Another brother was stationed over seas at the time.) He decided not to invite his mom because of the other family members that would be leeches and come along despite not being invited.
Mom insisted on having a photographer. I wanted a friend of mine to take the pictures and she vetoed that. I picked a different photographer that I thought would do a good job and after seeing his photos versus her's, mom was sorry that she second guessed me. LOL
I've never been in a bridal party. I was asked to once by my male childhood best friend, but after one of his insecure other bridesmaids got butt hurt over a comment I made I got dropped from the party. (He was a snob with no sense of etiquette, go figure. LOL) I've been to my brother's wedding and to one of DH's sister's weddings. I knew just enough people there to be OK. (I also have a job where socializing with strangers is part of customer service.) When another of DH's sister's got married she failed on invitation etiquette. She invited only her brother even though we had been together over a year and were living together.
So that it makes a little more sense, DH is one of eight children. He has two older brothers and 5 younger sisters.
Sorry this is so long and rambly.
And out here they tend to get boring: it's the same attire, same wedding reception venues, same old thing. Nobody thinks outside the box.
And it is also hurtful to the bride, not to mention inconvenient for her, when multiple BMs drop out of the picture --- how many times have we seen it, either on the Snot or in other places? (Do you ask somebody else? do you find replacements? do you let this go? what do you do?)
One bride I know did something real different: booted "the usual" and invited about 40 guests to a New York City wedding. The ceremony was in Central Park; they had a little shindig at a hotel later on.:)
Thanks for sharing - this is fun! I thought I was a weirdo.
Luckily for me, my mom and sister also don't care for giant, traditional weddings, so they made it much easier! My DH's family made it... crazy. If I could go back in time I would have taken way more control. I'm super jealous of those who had the small wedding they wanted! I actually didn't invite tons of my family members, and then had DH's family invite people I'd never heard of, including their NEIGHBOURS! (Who have since moved and they'll probably never see or talk to again.) Oh, weddings.
Ditto PPs who said their husbands wanted the wedding.
I wanted to elope. The entire wedding process was just painful and awful. My favorite example was when looking for a dress, the saleswoman told me "Well, if you lost like 5 pounds, it'd probably fit just fine." Who says that to any woman, let alone a bride?!?!?
When it finally came around, I didn't even want to go. I've heard of marriage by proxy still being allowed in some states. That's what I needed! I spent a large portion of the reception sitting outside on the sidewalk. (Got some funny looks from people passing by.)
Coming up on 8 years of marriage now. Thinking back to the wedding still makes me kind of angry and sad.