Need advice for getting 3.5 year old to self-play

billiburrows

My 3.5 year old will not play anything on his own. Even if i set him up with an activity that i would hope would take a while- ie painting, trains, etc. in like 10 mins he is done and begging me to play with him.  If no one can play with him he'll just wander around the house or sit next to me doing nothing (while i'm working on the computer) or get in to trouble.  I have such a hard time getting him engage in an activity so i can do what i need to do. 

has anyone gone through this and has pointers?  my son has always been like this so it really isn't new.  i just thought as he got older it would get better.  also i'm due in a few weeks so i really need to come up with ideas quick to get him to self play a little more...

egpitt22

Sometimes I have to give a little more direction, even to Jake, who is 5!  So, instead of saying "why don't you play with your superheroes?" I say something like "Hey, why don't you get out your superheroes-- it looks like batman is being held captive by the Joker and needs to get some help from spiderman!" 

At 3.5 you probably don't need anything complex....but maybe getting out his blocks & asking him to put together a fire station, or to draw you something specific.  

lala5507

This is exactly my 4 year old!  My 2 year old plays beautifully by herself but my 4 year old does exactly what you described. 

I don't have any groundbreaking advice, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.   

 

waltsgirl102503

I really think it's older child syndrome.  My son is like this and he's 8!  Sometimes he tries to blackmail my other son to play with him!  My younger one wants no parts of it (he likes to play alone sometimes) and then instead of playing with what he was trying to get his brother to play, he goes and sits down.  He's always been this way.  

lala5507

waltsgirl102503:

I really think it's older child syndrome.  My son is like this and he's 8!  Sometimes he tries to blackmail my other son to play with him!  My younger one wants no parts of it (he likes to play alone sometimes) and then instead of playing with what he was trying to get his brother to play, he goes and sits down.  He's always been this way.  

I totally agree with you.  It's a first child thing, totally. 

amyjoy18

egpitt22:

Sometimes I have to give a little more direction, even to Jake, who is 5!  So, instead of saying "why don't you play with your superheroes?" I say something like "Hey, why don't you get out your superheroes-- it looks like batman is being held captive by the Joker and needs to get some help from spiderman!" 

At 3.5 you probably don't need anything complex....but maybe getting out his blocks & asking him to put together a fire station, or to draw you something specific.  

DD is bit over 4 and has just recently gotten a lot better at independent play.  We also use the tactic that Emmy described above.  Along with, asking her to come up with some thing to show me.  Like a tea party, animal parade, ballet, etc.

And don't forget bribery!  "DD if you play quietly with your blocks while mommy is doing the dishes, I will play Candyland with you when I'm done."  This helps to build up to the time of independent play. 

AmandaJLewis

Yes, oldest/only child thing for sure. EJ is the same, but over the past year or two it has greatly improved.  In fact the other night she and I were playing Legos in her room (had a busy weekend and wanted to have some quality time with her) and when I told her I needed to cook dinner she asked if she could stay in her room and play. I was happily surprised!

But she still benefits form some suggestions like Emmy suggested.  Independence is a hard thing to force. When I would push too hard, EJ was always far more clingy. If my suggestions didn't work I would get her started playing something and then excuse myself and tell her to keep playing and I would be back once I had dinner started or whatever else I needed to do was taken care of.