Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Watching from afar.
DH and I are waiting a little while before we TTC, but his sister didn't wait at all. She got married a month before us and got pregnant a few months later. It's been a great experience for us to watch all the drama and problems she is having with family, not because we want this to happen but so we know for future reference. We had a lot of problems with family drama when planning our wedding, and she didn't. She had won her whole wedding from a contest at a bridal show so she never had to worry. Now she has all the same drama we had, except regarding things like her shower, baby name, and other such things. It's like we are learning what to do before its our turn, or more like "what not to do" haha.
Has anyone here watched family members deal with issues while pregnant? Did you try to help at all? For those who do not want kids, did anyone's drama help affirm that you do not want kids?
Re: Watching from afar.
You sound like a completely selfish jerk. I hope your sister got as much enjoyment out of watching you struggle with your wedding as you are getting from watching her prepare to have a child.
Umm, I even said we are not happy this is happening to her. I have stepped in myself and started helping her because she is having such issues. It's just more of a learning experience for us. My MIL is a crazy lady and SIL is having a ton of issues with her. I am acting as a sounding board for SIL when these things happen. I was merely saying dh and I see this as a look into the future, and are learning what to expect when our time comes.
Gotta love the conclusions people jump to sometimes.
Wedding drama is nothing compared to baby drama. Just wait until the holidays!!! Every time my nieces and nephews have a birthday party, school play, concert, sporting event, etc, there's some huge family drama.
I usually skip family functions as a result. Babies make everyone nuts- parents, grandparents, siblings, in-laws, pets. Nobody is safe from baby drama.
There's only so much you can do to help. Be the least dramatic person in your SIL's life. Help if you can, but know that she might not always want your help.
I agree that watching other people (whether it's their wedding, career choice, parenting styles, new car) is a great way to figure out what not to do.
Every wedding i think has drama to some degree! i usually let people vent to me because i can relate. Its almost impossible to avoid it!
No family members have had babies yet but a few friends have and it does help re-affirm our decision that i just dont think we are cut out to be parents.
I understand your sentiment. Sometimes when you see someone going through a situation (in which you will go through eventually) it helps to observe and to make the necessary changes to avoid an unpleasant situation.
Case in point, my sister and her husband have decided to expand their family. Since this is the first child for them it has been interesting to see the response from the rest of our family and his. His mother has taken a very hands on approach, questioning their timeline, plans, and has generally become a nuisance.
The problem associated with this is my sister is not pregnant yet. She announced to family that they were trying and this was the result. While I never planned to do so, I now know alerting others BEFORE actually becoming pregnant is an absolute no-no.
I am so glad others get it! I feel so bad for my SIL because she is swamped with drama. Her DHs mom demanded the shower feature a "balanced meal" instead of the BBQ they had planned (and could afford). She got into a massive baby naming argument with her own mother, who demanded the baby have the same middle name as HER!
Dh and I have learned a lot from this though. Every time something comes up we turn to each other and say "when it's our turn we def will......" We established that we will not involve any family members in the naming of the baby. We will not let any family members come to the sonograms (SIL gets guilt about this constantly from family). I am glad we are not the first ones in the family going though this!
god your poor SIL, i hope she learns to put her foot down to them, it will only get worse!