Only a month in...

KaySea6213

So we've been married a month and it finally happened, in writing. FIL handed us a card yesterday from an out-of-town relative, gorgeous card, sweet note and then it ends with "there's nothing better than marrying your best friend, until you have children!!" (yes, it really was underlined.) I know we're married, but I'm 19 and only half way through school, I don't want children yet.

I don't plan on referring to the underlined in our thank-you card, but I know the subject will come up in person. (It has before and I've just said "I don't know" and changed the subject as quickly as possible.) What's a polite way to respond that doesn't make it sound like DH and I haven't even thought about it?

Haleybug8

I would just tell them that you and your husband still need to discuss what your plans are and that it is in the distant future. When my husband and I got back from our honeymoon I got a cold and was very sick. I happened to tell a coworker about my illness and she asked if it was morning sickness. I responded with a HECK NO and told her that may be about 5 years down the road. 

I know easier said than done with some people though. Good luck! 

annmarie714

As someone who's on the receiving end of these comments a lot, I've taken to being rather snarky.  "My uterus, my decision." "When you pay for the child, I'll have one" "Are you going to babysit so I can continue to work?" and "I didn't realize it was anyone's decision but ours!" have all been uttered.  The questions have definitely decreased in frequency!

chrisnjay05212010

Couple responses that came to mind.Ive used some of these myself.

We have plenty of time and are in no rush

Its in the distant future

We arent talking about it yet. 

We have alot on our plate right now and babies arent it.

KaySea6213

I love the snark! I'll have to keep these in mind.

cnhelbert

My MIL actually told me that we will not find true happiness until we have children. And then told us the day after our wedding how badly she wants a grandson. Chill lady. People are crazy

Harry87

My favorite is when someone says "You don't know love until you have kids".

I always respond with "Wow, so that whole thing with your spouse? Was that just for convenience?"

 

 

moonprincessd

So far I've just stuck with the "I'm/We're not having kids" 

Totally throws them off. My parents on the other hand think it's a lie, but have learned to no longer ask since they know that's all I'm saying, and who knows, we might never have kids.

Right now we don't want them and we may never be ready for them. So I see it as a half-truth.  

pmontgomery87

I like how she specified grandSON, like you can control that

pmontgomery87

previous comment was directed to cnhelbert.

To the OP though, my BF and I arent even engaged yet (close enough, but no ring)...and my parents and his are already bugging us about children. I just ignore them

Janessadawn

I think to a certain extent it comes with the territory of being a wife, regardless of age or where you are in life. As the old nursery rhyme goes, to some people it really is "then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage," and that's the only way they can see it. When people ask me/us when we're gonna have kids, most of the time we just say "eventually" or "one day" and leave it at that.

CnmH

DH & I have been married 2 weeks (3 tomorrow) & already we are experiencing the same thing. I'm considering fake bursting into tears & screaming "I cant have kids! Why do you all keep reminding me that my body is a failure"! & then running away!

It's no one's business really when we have kids. I don't understand what's wrong with wanting to wait a little while & enjoy things how they are!

rentaduckie

I just make various excuses. 

"We have a dog."

"We live in a one bedroom apartment"

You still have the school excuse. Use it liberally. Doesn't matter if it's true or not, your baby plans are no one's business but your own and they aren't entitled to the truth if you don't want to share it.

If she (or anyone, really) asks about it all you have to say is something along the lines of, "I'm still in school, and I'd like to finish that before even thinking about kids." Hopefully they'll drop it for two years. 

cutiepie0104

That is none of their Business either way. If you're not wanting to have children right away, DONT. I married when I was 21 and We set a plan of things we wanted to accomplish before having a Baby, I wanted to wait 2 years before serious any baby talk happened between us. And I am so glad we decided that because for me it took alot of the pressure off, I just told family we decided to wait and after a while they stopped asking. But it is fun for Parents and Family to imagine your future and what it could bring.

cutiepie0104

So far I've just stuck with the "I'm/We're not having kids" 

Totally throws them off. My parents on the other hand think it's a lie, but have learned to no longer ask since they know that's all I'm saying, and who knows, we might never have kids.

Right now we don't want them and we may never be ready for them. So I see it as a half-truth.  

I told my father We were not having children to this day he believes he will not be a grandfather.  

Mariefg2

I always say "Maybe someday." It is the nicest way I have come up with an answer. 

But with my family my MIL is probaby,  My roommate is the biggest ANTI baby person on the planet so it is always coming at me from both sides. Rolls eyes. When will people figure out that it is our choice!

lovesclimbing

I usually say "Not for a few years yet."

I'll one-up on you on that card!  A good friend of mine received a card at their wedding that said something like have a wonderful day and a great marriage and "may your loins be fruitful."  No joke!

TarponMonoxide

Nothing to respond to. Done done and done.

DaBearsBride

I have taken an interest in replying to people like this by saying "Yes, my husband and I are having unprotected sex as frequently as possible! Thank you for your interest; we will keep you posted!" I will out-awkward them yet...

lovetruly06

DaBearsBride said:

I have taken an interest in replying to people like this by saying "Yes, my husband and I are having unprotected sex as frequently as possible! Thank you for your interest; we will keep you posted!" I will out-awkward them yet...

That's awesome I'll have to remember that. I've been asked or heard the "are you sure your not pregnant" quote when I'm not feeling well, so much, that I've just started taking the violent approach. Anytime someone at work says something about it, I tell them if they ask again I'm going to punch them in the face. People don't bring it up anymore I guess Im scary enough that people believe I'll do it. The only people I let get away with that are my family and friends that know we've really started trying, which has only been fairly recently. But at 19 tell people to lay off you have lots of time.

SlurpeeLove

If it makes you feel any better, my MIL has been buying baby clothes for my nonexistent children for a few years...we only just got married!

j&jNY

I know this is way old but lol people have no business asking questions like that. I am totally amazed that my husband and i have been married 2 years and i don't think anyone has asked us. our minister keeps hinting that we should lol but I love my SIL's line goes something like "We are patiently waiting" so no lieing and nobody knows anything. and then she turns around and tells us yep VERY patiently.