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I'm in love... Not sure if he still is...
It's been 4 married years for us.... Together for 5. My husband and I are 30 and 29, so we didn't get married young. We talked about being married and what that meant to us before we got married. His parents have been together for 30+ years and his grandparents for 50 something years. My Mimi's on marriage 3, but I believe in working through a marriage, as does my husband. We talked about kids and how we would want to raise them. We don't have children. We seemed like a great fit and had fun together.
We used to travel and go out to dinner and go to baseball games. Now nothing. We were saving for our first house that we just bought, so I didn't want to spend money, but we have at least $100 in gift cards to one place. We could have gone out a few times with that. Anytime I bring it up he agrees to go but then will say he's tired the day we're supposed to go. I can't remember the last time we went out together just the two of us. We have a gift card to the movies and free movie tickets. We have had them for probably 6 months. For my birthday I wanted to pack a picnic and watch a baseball game at a local park. They set up a big screen and show the game. It's free. Again, he said it was fine, but then didn't feel up to it, so we didn't go. ( he did end up getting a cold, so that makes sense.)
I love my husband tremendously. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was literally depressed when I met him. He helped me come off my meds. I have a healthier lifestyle with eating and exercising because he set it up for us. I can literally say that I am a better person with him.
I'm pretty sure he wouldn't say the same thing. He used to be outgoing and want to hang out with friends and now, he doesn't. He used to joke around and be a big kid, but now, he's like that a couple times a week. He's mad at me a lot and I can't figure out how to make him happy. I truly feel like he would leave me if he could afford it and that breaks my heart. He's going to lose his job at the end of the month, so he really can't afford it right now.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but I'm hurting. I feel my marriage slipping away. I don't want to be my mom and be married 3 times. I want to make my husband love me and remember why he married me because right now, I don't know why he married me.
Re: I'm in love... Not sure if he still is...
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
What about things the 2 of you can do for free or nearly nothing -- exclusive of the gift cards? There are still picnics you can go on (pack some lunches), go to the corner bistro for a couple of drinks and maybe an appetizer, try some free events sponsored by your town or a town nearby.
He also shouldn't be taking his anger out on you --- that's my take on what he is doing. That must go starting now. Don't be afraid to tell him he cannot treat you like that.
To discontinue any type of medication minus a doctor's okay is never good to do. (and it also sounds like you were out to meet a "fixer" and that's what you got when you met your H; not healthy to build a relationship on. It's supposed to be 50 50 and equal and healthy give and take) Be safe: see your doc and you mention what happened with your meds. You need the benefit of what you were prescribed.
Extrinsic of all of this, you and your H need to have a very long and frank and heart to heart talk. Do it when you 2 have a lot of time; a weekend will do. GL.
He sounds like he's depressed. Have you suggested that to him?
Here's my take - I agree that people should fight for their marriage, and I think that depression falls under the scope of "through sickness and health." BUT - he has to want it to. He has to want to save the marriage, he has to want to seek treatment, etc. If he won't do that you won't ever salvage the relationship.
If you haven't done it already your first step is to talk to him, ask him to seek treatment for his depression (assuming he is legitimately suffering from it), and ask him to get into marriage counseling with you.