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Explaining to 3 year old
It has become clear to us that we need to put down one of our 14 year old labs. I have never had pets before him, and have never suffered a loss of a pet. I am not sure how to explain to our 3 year old boy.
Do we tell him beforehand? What do we tell him we are doing with the dog? How do we explain that Cobb is not coming home? Do we read books, have him draw pictures, say good-bye? Complicating matters, we are leaving on vacation in a week. Do we do it beforehand, or afterward? My husband says not to say anything, explain immediately afterward, and then go on vacation.
We have already been talking about how Cobb doesn't feel well anymore. We have talked about him being old and that his legs hurt. We have talked about how it makes him sad when he has accidents in the house. I am really not sure what else to tell him.
We have another lab as well. They grew up as brothers. I am not sure the other lab will care too much because the only person/animal he seems to care about is my DH. It would be harder if the roles were reversed because the dog we need to put down is very attached to his buddy. However, what types of behaviors should I expect from our remaining dog?
Thanks for any advice
Re: Explaining to 3 year old
I don't have any children yet, but I think telling your LO beforehand is a better idea. Simply tell him something like, "Cobb needs to go see the vet. They'll make him go to sleep, and he'll wake up across the Rainbow Bridge. That's where pets go to live when they get too old and sick to be with us anymore. He'll be happy there and able to run and play again." It will probably take him a while to remember that Cobb won't be coming home again, but that will pass eventually.
As for your remaining dog, even if he's not super attached to Cobb, he'll likely still mourn. He may mope around, have a diminished appetite, or not be into playing as much for a while. Dogs, like people, can deal with losing a companion in many different ways, so it's hard to say how he'll react. Just be aware of his behavior, and give him as much extra loving and attention as you think he needs.
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
totally agree with Lucky on this, better to do it beforehand and give a simple explanation. I think Lucky's idea is great!
We had a situation growing up where one dog was older and the other was a pup. The older one passed on and the pup regressed to some naughty puppy behaviors (chewing, accidents in the house etc). It did eventually pass but the vet said it was normal and he was thrown out of sorts without his friend.
Im so sorry you are going through this, it is never easy.
First of all, I am so sorry. I just had to let go of my 14 year old lab last month and it was hard and it sucked but after everything, I am at peace with the decision. So lots of hugs to you.
I don't have any children but a lot of friends recommend "When a Pet Dies" by Fred Rogers as a good book to use.
As for your other dog, he will mourn. We also have an American Bulldog and he still isn't the same as before. And I agree with the pp, his behavior has definitely changed. He doesn't listen worth a sh!t lately and is very mopey. He is getting better but he is definitely mourning.
I hear there are some great books out there. That's how I deal with a lot of stuff with my LO (new sibling for example) - books, so I would go that route.
The one thing I have heard for sure time and time again is to make sure you don't use the term "sleep" - even with "putting to sleep", etc., as it can make kids afraid of going to sleep themselves.
I would personally never use the term sleep when associated with death. I think you're opening the door for a lot of bedtime anxiety that way.
If it were my dog I would tell ds that he went to heaven. There is time for logistics as he gets older,IMO. At this age, Honey, As you know, Cobb was very sick and old. He passed away last night and is up in heaven now. Or whatever you wish to use. I don't do rainbow bridge so I'd say heaven. At 3 he will understand enough so you may want to spend some time reflecting on what things you loved about Cobb and let your child mourn in his own way. He may not be vocal about it, but he may express wishes to draw photos, participate in a memorial, or talk to him. If it were me I would tell my ds that he could still hear him, even in heaven, so he can say whatever he feels like to Cobb.
But again I caution you against saying "sleep" any time when discussing death.
I am truly sorry that you have to ask this. My thoughts are with you and you family.
I'm so sorry. We lost our sheppard mix unexpectedly to cancer last year. Our bullmastiff was very attached to him (they grew up together). My niece and nephew (4 and 2) were very attached as well.
First, we (and they) are religious, so that may change things for you. We told the kids that Bear was sick, that the doctors could not make him well, and he died. He was in heaven now. We thanked them for being so kind to him. They did color and send us sympathy cards, it was very sweet (their mom advised they asked to do it). We didn't have the opportunity to tell them before hand. As a child, my mom explained that our dog was sick, the doctor couldn't help anymore, he had pain, and it was time for him to leave us. We said good-bye and she took the dog to the vet. My niece will sometimes ask questions like why he died so young (dogs age more than people), do we miss him (yes, it's ok to miss him). We've found if we answer honestly and shortly, she is satisfied and moves on.
We took our bully with us because we were concerned she would look for him if she didn't know he had died. She growled a little when he actually passed, but she left with us without a problem. She stopped eating for several days (we added scraps and wet food to get her started again). She didn't play as much. Most important, her favorite activity was her daily walk, so we made sure to do that every day. We had 2 dog beds that Bear typically used. I washed the cover on one and she destroyed the washed one. I didn' t notice until after it happened that she was sleeping on the one I didn't wash. After that, I really didn't remove any signs of Bear. She recovered slowly.