Preschoolers and Friends/Possibly Flameful

amyjoy18

DD's friend from school lives across the street from us and is being raised by her single dad.  They typically stop over when we're outside playing and the girls will play together, and we'll talk.

He's a nice guy and all, but when DD asked about going over there to play it makes me nervous to say yes so I always have an excuse.  I'm not sure if it's because she's never gone to play at a friend's house without me or if it's because there isn't a mom in the picture. Which I guess is potentially flameful that I may be sexist with regards to this topic.

Do you let your 4 year old go to friend's/neighbor's houses alone?  If not, what age would you think it's acceptable?  Does mom or dad make a difference to you?

MrsAmers

Heather has a friend from daycare who lives in our neighborhood. She and Nick get along great and we really like his parents. We've hung out on the playground, at parties and at daycare events. The first few times that we did play dates, a parent would stick around to help watch the kids. After a few times it became clear that the kids played great together with limited supervision and it was silly for a patent to stay (unless we wanted to hang out). I think the kids were four when we did the first drop-off play date.

Sometimes only mom is home and sometimes only dad is home. I have no concerns about Heather's safety.

Unless a man gave me a bad feeling in my gut, there is no reason to assume the worst or to not let your kid be around him. Most people in the world are good and don't want to harm kids. There is no reason to assume the worst.

lala5507

My kids play at my neighbors house without me some times.  Usually the mom is there, but honestly, we're close friends with the parents so I would let them go over if just the dad was home. 

I see where you are coming from.  How well do you know that dad?  I think my decisions are based on how well I know the parents.  If I am really close friends with the parents I would send my kids over.  If I don't really have a relationship with the parents I wouldn't let my kids go without me.   

AmandaJLewis

I did/do, but we moved into a new neighborhood when EJ was 4. The same one as her BFF, and I am friends with her parents. So it is totally different. I can't say I would react differently than you, but unless you have some reason to believe he isn't attentive or something worse I would let her go play. One of my best childhood friends was raised by just her father, because her mom wasn't fit to be around her. So in that case we were always better off that she wasn't there.

MrsAmers

The other posters said it more clearly then I did, I think. It's about getting to know the dad better. Invite him and his daughter over for dinner once you are moved in!

MandyMilller

I think the others said it all. For us, Lanna was 5 when she first started to play at friends' houses unsupervised, but that's just because she was never really in a neighborhood with kids till then (we just played with my friends' kids so I stayed). The first few times I'd only let her go an hour at a time, just to test it out. Does she help herself to the potty? If not, that would be my main concern with the single dad thing. But I agree, if I felt that I knew him fairly well and the kids got along, I'd feel comfortable enough.

Jefsnickerdodle

Adam would play next door before our neighbors moved all the time since he was like 2...Funny thing was we saw it more as a Babysitting situation. She would watch him if DH had to go and I was running late, or one week he had a big job that required him to work while I was working and we actually paid her to watch him.  The kids did get along really well and loved to play together.

he has also gone to our other neighbors and their son has come here ( he is a year younger) more so for needing a sitter as well.

Once Preschool started he did pair up with a boy whose Father also happens to be home with him in the morning.  Dh has gone with him on several playdates, one day he told me he left him there to run an errand.  I felt kinda funny about that.  Apparently the Father told Dh that if he had anything he needed to do he could go ahead they kids could play. so he took him up on it...

I guess everything was fine, but it still doesnt' sit right with me for some reason...since I did not spend a ton of time with anyone or anything pertaining to preschool, I don't know if it is because I don't know them as well- or because it is the dad???  Hard to say

I do however Know a ton of people and friends personally, that I wouldn't hesitate to leave him with either parent.

4EvR&4AlWz

I let DD at age 3 go to our neighbors house all the time to play and likewise their 2 girls of the same age come over here to play.  I think it would depend on my relationship with the girl's dad.  I have 0 problems having DD go to our neighbors house even when the dad is home by himself because we hang out together as families and I know him.  Likewise, their girls have come to our house when I'm working late and it's just DH because they know us.  I truly think it would depend upon your overall gestalt or assessment of the situation.  If it bothered you enough to think about it and post and to question it, then you probably don't know him well enough to send DD over.

DomerJenC

Joseph (4) has gone to play at the neighbors w/o me.  I wouldn't do it for one house though, the dad seems like a creeper to me.  But I never get vibes like that.  In your situation, assuming the guy doesn't raise your hackels, i'd let her go.  But if it makes you nervous, don't dwell on it.  do you you feel necessary for your kids!