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f/u annoying bridesmaid vent (long sorry)
So it's gotten worse. Background- Annoying BM (ABM) has crohns disease (although we believe she is self diagnosed because she only follows the restrictions half of the time and before anyone gets upset, I understand it is a completely legitimate disease and serious... I just think Dr. Google diagnosed hers).
2 weeks ago another BM sent out links to several restaurants to pick the menu for the shower. ABM emails me privately and says "is someone going to make sure that there is something that I can eat there?" I write back and say "yes, you. Please look at the menus and tell us what you can eat. None of us know and we cannot research it when you already know what you are allowed to have." No response.
Then last week the other BM (which may I add makes me think of bowel movement when I see the abbreviation that now that I have a kid??) emails everyone and says "we really need to pick the menu. Anyone have any input? ABM I know there are things that you cannot eat so let us know what you can have." No response.
This week BM emails and says "I ordered the food. ABM I was unsure what you could have so I told them that you will be calling to add a lunch from the menu so that they can make sure it is completely safe for you." ABM writes back immediately (and I'm quoting from her email)
"I'm sorry, I have not had time to respond.... most of these situations ... people are kind enough to accommodate me. " "So with that being said, my typical solutions to these types of situations would be to bring my own food if it is too complicated to accommodate or include me. Which is fine, I'm used to that. The only downside is that I don't see the need to provide any reimbursement for other food, if I am bringing my own. ... it's pretty clear that I'm the minority here ... I can figure out my food on my own. So, thanks lending me the link and calling ahead but it won't be needed. "
and now she is not contributing to the food for any of the shower guests. We think this was her plan all along so that she wouldn't have to give anything for the shower. I think that us all paying for a separate lunch is pretty darn accommodating and if she was really that concerned she would have helped pick out the menu at some point in the two weeks before it was picked. The other BM even called the caterer and asked if there was any way to make the food we ordered gluten free and they said no, that they will not consider any items from their catering menu gluten free because of the way they are prepared and that is why we had her order from the lunch menu.
She also asked if we needed some centerpieces to auction off during the shower. I've never heard of this but asking guests to spend more money at the shower seems way over the top to me. She got really huffy when I told her that was not necessary.
If her fianc? wasn't great I'd tell my friend to run away as fast as she can!
Re: f/u annoying bridesmaid vent (long sorry)
Eeekk. This is making me annoyed for you! To recap, she is not contributing to a group gift and now she isn't she kicking in towards the shower catering cost? What a pain in the @ss. I think I would be at my limit by now, and would be putting her on blast.
I was trying to keep the Bride out of it but SIL went to the groom and the bride complaining about us!!!!! she said we were being inconsiderate and rude and didn't care about if the food at the party killed her... get a freaking life. I GET that it is serious but NO ONE is handcuffing you and forcing food into your mouth!
the bride wants her to drop out but cannot ask her to because then she is the horrible one. the groom feels horrible too!
Well I understand you're trying to keep the bride out of it, but (I'm guessing) she's not an idiot. She knows this person and she should be made aware. If she's being an assholle about the shower, what's to stop her from doing it about the dresses, or the rehearsal or something the bride has to deal with directly? I don't know. I know that that's my relationship with my friends though.
I would just let SIL do her thing and stay the course, discounting the fact that she's even in the wedding. Plan as if she's not even a factor.
oh the bride knows almost all of it now. I tried to keep her out until it got worse and once the SIL went to her there was no stopping it. I've still shielded her from some of the more hurtful things she's said like "this wedding is a waste of money" "I'm not sure who they are trying to impress" and "no one really cares about that day as much as they think they do." because there is no point in telling her. She's said things like this in the past and the bride always wonders why she even agreed to be in the wedding. The things were said after she agreed to be in... before that she was puppies and rainbows.
we have the dresses already thankfully and you are right... we are planning as if she isn't in it and not contributing. Anything she contributes will be a bonus.
thank you for letting me vent... since I cannot talk to my BF about it I need somewhere to go haha