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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Would you forgive a cheater?
When I discovered my husband was having an affair, I was devastated ... but perhaps oddly my initial reaction was to fix it (we had two youngish kids at the time). It took me many months to realize that we were not going to be able to get over a long-term affair. A one-night stand? Maybe. A year-plus affair? Not so much.
Now that former New York Gov. Eliot L. Spitzer and former NY congressman Anthony Weiner are ready to get back in politics, I have to wonder how "bad" affairs (or sexting; are those even "affairs"?) are. What would you forgive and what would you want to be forgiven for?
Re: Would you forgive a cheater?
Well, I think there is a difference between forgiving and staying in the marriage. Would I forgive my husband, yes I would think so, but I don't think I would stay in the marriage. My trust would be broken and I know myself well enough that I couldn't live the rest of my life wondering if it would happen again. The anxiety would make me miserable. I just believe that I could forgive someone, but there would still be consequences for their bad decision.
Somebody wasn't happy with him. And who really cares what he was doing with his personal life --- is it any of our business what he does with who, behind a closed door? None of our business at all.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Show the bum the door and that's that.
I would not forgive a cheater. There are no 2nd chances. DH knows my position on this.
If my DH wants out, then get out....but don't go checking out to see if the grass is greener first. Get out and then graze.
I forgave my DH for having a one-night stand. It was the hardest thing we have had to overcome in our relationship. We separated for a while right after I found out, but we knew we still wanted to be together in the long run. That is what marriage is- sticking it out through the good and bad. It's been two years now, and although it still pops into my head from time to time, I love DH very much and know he loves and respects me too.
If it happened again, I would not forgive again. If it had been a full-blown affair, I would not have forgiven.
I don't care if politicians cheat or sext because it does not affect me personally. I don't think Clinton's affair changed the fact that he's considered an awesome president.
I haven't been in the situation and don't have children yet so right now I can say I wouldn't forgive infidelity and would divorce. 1 night stand is different than year-plus affair but I still think marriage is ruined regardless.
A year long affair would be cause for divorce and would take a long time to forgive.
A one night stand I would stay in the marriage, but it would take some time to forgive. We would both have to agree to some marriage counseling, and be fully devoted to each other and our marriage.
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I think that what many of the politicians (who get caught in affairs) shows a lack of judgement.
I don't care if a politician is faithful to their spouse - that is none of my business -- but when they are committing crimes while doing it (engaging the services of a prostitute) or sending pictures of their private parts out to the internet (something that most people know is a risky thing to do), that is just stupidity!
I object to stupid politicians.
As for my partner, that is something we would have to examine on a case by case basis.
If the person was truly remorseful and willing to work on the problems with the relationship that led to the infidelity, then yes, I would forgive him/her and stay in the relationship unless/until there were other reasons to leave.
I think this is generalizing BS (but of course, that's how you roll).I take a marriage very serious.. However, we are all human and we make mistakes. But my H and I have been through alot BUT he knows where I stand when it comes to our marriage. You should forgive a person but a year long affair while married that would cause us to DIVORCE because you are worth more than that. It is hard when children are involved but those children won't keep a man. (Not trying to be mean).. Forgive but try to move on. I have been cheated on before and Lord knows it hurt so much...I wouldn't wish that on anyone.. But I will say just pray about it and put it God's hands.
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"A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
There is no forgiving an affair. Nope, nada, never. 1 night, 5 weeks, 6 months, 1 year. They are all the same to me. He cheats... he leaves.
I just don't understand the whole well if its only once, if he promises me it wont happen again, I take marriage seriously crap. HE took a vow and was supposed to take it seriously, HE broke it, He loses!
Yes, everyone makes mistakes. but not everyone dick falls out of their pants into another woman....a bit more than a mistake in my eyes. A mistake is forgetting to do the laundry...forgetting to call...missing a birthday...having sex with someone else isn't a mistake...it is a character flaw!
People referring to cheating or even one night stand as mistakes is, to me, so out there! Think about it - clothes do not just fall off. Usually there is flirting, kissing and foreplay that precedes cheating.
Cheating disgusts me not just because I was cheated on. I've always found cheating at any capacity unacceptable and unforgiveable. I would never cheat on anyone no mater what the circumstance.
I was dating a douche of a man was hit on on more than one occasion by a guy I had a MAJOR crush on and did nothing. Cheating is a shitty thing to do and extremely selfish. Cheating is a character flaw! Period!
"A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
I got you. I though, know myself. I know I would not be able to get over if he ever cheated on me. I can't forgive and forget. I really wish I could more, but its just not me. Some couples do get thru this and I too have heard that it somehow strengthened their marriage. I would not be able to trust him again. But again, we are all different
Oh and those things you said, a girl having sex or smoking pot as a TEENAGER! Exactly! That is what you were, was a YOUNG TEENAGER. Not a married adult who made promises to keep. A vow thru it all. I just think, cheating doesn't just happen, it is a series of things that lead up to it. It is his/her responsibility as a husband/wife to do what is right. They make a choice and I feel they should have to deal with it. Just my opinion....
Nope, there's no way that my marriage would survive infidelity. It wouldn't matter if it was one night or an affair - the disrespect and carelessness that cheating shows is an absolute dealbreaker to me. Cheating isn't a mistake, unless you think that people can't control themselves or their behavior. Cheating is a conscious decision that someone makes. And a man who would consciously decide to disrespect me and the vows we took doesn't deserve my love or my forgiveness. My trust would be destroyed, there would be nothing to "work" to save anymore. And I'd rather my kids grow up with a strong woman as a role model, one who sticks up for herself and refuses to be treated with such disregard by someone who is supposed to love her.
No way, there would be no trust.