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chrisnjay05212010
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
5 Things Parents Need to Stop Saying to Non-parents
in BNOTB
Thought this was a good article for us BNOTB girls. Ive had just about all of these happen to me, except maybe the kid friendly party part. im sure its bound to eventually. Enjoy!
Re: 5 Things Parents Need to Stop Saying to Non-parents
i had liked it on FB, so a few people could see it. Some (those without kids) liked it/commented. I even had two shares! No one with kids said anything to me LOL
Haha so true! My MIl is always telling us that we won't know true love until we have kids. Super annoying.
I wish I had the guts to post this on facebook
I love this. I continue to get this one:
5. "My life didn't have meaning before I had kids!"
I have a great life. I love my life. I have meaning with/without kids. I don't need kids to validate my existence.
i love this one too!!!
Making a joke comparing my cats to kids got me unfriended. It went something like this:
Mom who posts all day about her kids and how hard it is to be a mom and woe is mom and how she wants more babies and her profile pic is of her kids: "just once I would like to be able to trim nails without getting covered in scratches!"
Me: "Well, you could always do what I do; wrap them in a towel and sit on them a little."
Mom-person: "Harry, I seriously worry about the day you become a mother. That's not an okay thing to do to a child."
Me: "Well we're in luck; I'm not having kids."
Her: "I'm so sorry! You know, there are a lot of treatment options available out there, or adoption. I'll pray for you!"
Me:"Oh, you misunderstand; the body is capable but the spirit doesn't want to be a parent."
BAM. Unfriended.
hahahahahaha i love your responses!!!! i cant believe they un-friended you for that!
I completely agree with these, and have heard most of them!
I will say I slightly relate to number 5 regarding settling down with a partner. Not in the sense of life having ?no meaning? because I enjoyed being single and life was good, but definitely in the sense that I am so much more content and happily settled now. Like while single I felt my future was up in the air and it was harder to envision long term plans as I didn?t know what life had in store for me. I would never in a million years mention to my single friends though, especially the ones I know that are unhappy not having a partner as this would be hurtful. It?s also offensive to assume that other people?s lives are less important or fulfilling. I realize that while I am more happy in a long term (and child free relationship) and that this may not be for everyone. Or for some people it is their ideal, but they are still looking for their partner. I don?t know what?s wrong with people that they can be so insensitive to the feelings and viewpoints of others.
Your reply was AWESOME! Seriously she must not get sarcasm. It's not like you were really advising her to sit on her baby lol. And how rude to assume that since you aren't having kids it's because you can't. I would have been tempted to reply well gee we were going to have them, until we realized how awful motherhood must be since you complain so much. lol
This is an excellent response, lol! I'm stealing that last bit for when my MIL/mom start the third degree again about when we're going to finally have a baby.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
I ended up chickening out haah! I have some pretty opinionated momers so I didn't feel like causing a fight.
However, other friend had the guts to post and I liked it and commented how much I agree!
I actually do not agree with a number of these. The "pets as kids" thing is a major pet peeve of mine, mostly because I have a background in animal behavior. It's totally fine to consider your animals family, but they must always be treated like animals. People who treat dogs like children usually end up with destructive and dangerous animals. People should not treat animals like people... They should instead put themselves in the animals mind. Become the Alfa dog, not the baby's mother. Do not allow bad behavior because its cute or funny. I know a woman who treated her rRottweilers like cutesy ill babies and you know what they did? Ripped her 8week old kitten to pieces in her bathroom. They did not understand social structure because they were raised under the impression that they spoke English and understood human morals. I could go on and on, but I will say I have no problem telling I have furbabies. They are cats, though, and always will be.
Also, I do not agree with the "no asking if its a kid friendly party" thing. I actually posted in the relationships board about a girl we know who brings her kid, and her sisters brood sometimes too, to anything and everything, without warning. Sometimes she has them, and sometimes she doesn't. We never know. But when she is the only one with kids, we would really appreciate it if she would ask first of she can bring them because many times, we are doing things that are not appropriate for kids to be at ( like target shooting, or drinking). She also always brings her kid(s) and then expects others to watch them.i would rather some one ask and if its not kid friendly, then be a responsible mom and stay home with them or get a sitter.
All the others make sense though, especially the "you think that's hard, try having kids!" That drives me nuts. Yes, we know, you are a mom. That doesn't make you the most special person on the planet. Don't tell me my day wasn't hard just because you chose to reproduce before me.
My brother-in-law told DH that DH doesn't know what busy is because we don't have kids.
I know I've said some insensitive things in my life but telling someone else that their problems are nothing compared to your own doesn't invite sympathy.
These are great!
1. Dogs are just as destructive, messy, unruly, and lovable as kids are, that is why people who are dog owners tend to chime in about their dogs when everyone else is talking about their children. They are just as dependent upon us for their needs, we still have to occasionally clean up their turds, and they bring us an immense amount of joy, possibly similar to the joy your children bring you.
2. I have ALWAYS hated it when someone has completely downplayed my entire life because I do not have children. For a while, I worked one full time job and two part time jobs, AND was in college, AND did freelance, and whenever I would say anything about being tired or busy, or overwhelmed, the comment was always made, "Try having kids." I don't think I would ever dismiss someone's life because their origins of stress were different than mine, but apparently it is okay for moms to say that (which is funny since a lot of the moms I know get super defensive when anyone appears to minimize their lives). The point is, the source of someone's tiredness doesn?t make them any less tired than someone else. Sheesh.
3. This irks me to no end! I will never learn to like bogies or turds, with or without kids of my own. I will still feel just as tired after pulling an all nighter, with or without kids of my own. Sure, having children will give me a greater perspective of what parenting entails, but having children does not give parents a greater perspective of what non-parents' lives entail. Neither should invalidate the other, it?s totally condescending.
4. Actually, I think this is a good question to ask before going to a party. I mean, some people like kids, even those that don't have them, and would totally love for your kids to come over. Yet, there will be instances when bringing your child will be inappropriate. In my opinion, asking is being responsible. Unless you have really unruly kids - then don't bother asking, because the answer is definitely going to be "no".
5. If I had a dollar for every single time I have heard this, I would have quite a few dollars, lol. First, we're told, "Your life will have meaning once you're married". Then it moves on to, "You're life will have meaning once you have kids". Seriously? Tell me, what else will give my life meaning, oh wise one? Life is a whole lot more complex than reproducing...I mean, it isn't 1680 anymore. Women's lives have evolved into more than being born to marry well and bear sons to carry on the family name. Furthermore, how many times am I supposed to cancel out previous life changing events in order for something else to supposedly "give my life meaning"? My life has meaning, it has a purpose. Just because I am not a parent doesn't mean that my life is consumed with fulfilling my own selfish agenda. My life has purpose because I choose to participate and be active within my community, and really "live". Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that children do not change the meaning of parent's lives, obviously they do. However, that by no means implies that the lives of the childless are dreary and meaningless, and that they are destined to wander the earth wringing their hands in sorrow because they have no purpose.
THAT is hilarious! And I say that as a person who put off having kids for a looong time. Clearly your ex FB friend has no sense of humor.
=D>
love it . I cant believe it got you unfriended though!