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In-Laws' Generosity Seems to Have Strings... Any Advice?
After my cancer diagnosis, we had to break our lease, store our stuff, and move for treatment. My husband had to quit his job . My in-laws took us in and said "as long as you need, whatever you need," and it was so amazing. Granted, no one wants to move in with their in-laws, but they were very welcoming and we couldn't have done it without them. I am in full remission and married to an amazing man. 
Now that the wedding is over, they allowed us to use their condo in a different state until DH finds a job, and again gave us the "as long as you need," speech... We signed a lease for the summer, except this time we're not feeling so welcome.
On a weekend that we were out of town, MIL invited family to stay, at the place we're using, without telling us. I know it's her place, but a little notice would have been wonderful. We would have put sheets on the guest beds, moved our bikes out of the entryway. Maybe we wouldn't have had our laundry still hanging on the drying rack. You know, tidied up for guests.
When DH asked his mom about the family, she lost it on him. I mean lost it. "This isn't hotels.com, I don't need to ask you..." and so on. She hung up on him.
We really thought she was letting *us* use the place for the summer.
Is this something I should bring up with her, perhaps in a gentle tone (we are good friends) ? Or do we just suck it up until we can GTFO of here?
Any advice is much appreciated.
Re: In-Laws' Generosity Seems to Have Strings... Any Advice?
It sounds like your husband and you have been through quite a bit recently.... I'm sorry to hear that you had cancer and had to uproot yourselves in the midst of it...that must've been so challenging. Congratulations on your wedding and marriage, though! I know that must be very exciting, and it sounds like you've got a good man.
The situation with your in-laws does sound sticky...has it been difficult for your MIL to talk through conflict in the past or is this uncharacteristic of her?
It sounds like your husband and you have been through quite a bit recently.... I'm sorry to hear that you had cancer and had to uproot yourselves in the midst of it...that must've been so challenging. Congratulations on your wedding and marriage, though! I know that must be very exciting, and it sounds like you've got a good man.
The situation with your in-laws does sound sticky...has it been difficult for your MIL to talk through conflict in the past or is this uncharacteristic of her?
This. If you are paying to live there, MIL cannot just barge in and then get angry when DH asks her about it.
If you're there rent-free, yes some heads-up would have been good, but I think you just need to let it pass since it sounds like this is the first issue you've had with the ILs being odd about this whole situation.
Purchase ridiculously huge double ended d!ldos, butt plugs, strap ons, etc, and leave them around the house. I think leaving one in the dishwasher is an extra special touch.
Also- GTFO!!! Sounds like neither of you are working right now. Is there any section 8 housing that you might be able to qualify for?
@BeckyOff , LOL! Great idea!
DH is retired military and works a seasonal construction job, which has been very flexible with him while he goes on interviews. He worked for an energy company and quit when I got my diagnosis. I work remotely, kept my job throughout the illness (needed insurance) and we will relocate when he finds a job in his field. We make too much to qualify for section 8.
We moved several hours away to the in-laws' empty place because they truly made it sound like we were welcome there until DH found a good opportunity. They stopped renting it out to other tenants so that family could use it, and well, they offered it in our time of need.
It would be a huge financial blow to move out of here, find a different place, only to move again when he finds a job. His interviews have been all over the US. We are kind of stuck until he finds something. Sigh, hopefully this just blows over soon.
So, are you actually paying them rent or no? That's going to make a huge difference here.
Given OPs response it sounds like they aren't paying. If that's the case I think you and your husband should have held your tongues. I don't want to make assumptions here but honestly how did you husband approach his Mom? If he was upset that you weren't given notice, and communicated that to her, I'm not surprised by his reaction. I think a good way of handling goes like this: "Hey Mom, I'm glad Uncle Lester got to use the place last weekend! Going forward why don't you tell us so we can get the place more comfortable for your guests?" Just frame it differently, that you want to help her out, or repay the favor if you will.
Congrats and glad to hear you're getting better!
Get your mind right before you speak to her (if you do speak to her). Whatever you really feel will come out no matter what so if you're pissed off...forgive her, let it go, before you speak to her.
Your heart seems like it was in the right place. Just ask her if there is anything you can do for the house if anyone is coming to stay (i.e. what you mentioned, bedding, cleaning, etc). If she says yes, then she will let you know ahead of time if someone is coming.
Ida
Grab a cup of tea, and visit me on my blog:)
Newly Married??? Sister, let's relate!
While I agree that paying for rent does make a difference, they did offer it to you and it is your space. Since you have been through a lot they shouldn't offer something to you if they want something in return. I would definitely try to talk with them if only to understand the terms that both sides are expecting. Try explaining as well if she gives you notice you can clean up for guests ut let them know you appreciate what they have done for you.
Some sucking up may have to be done but they should not be treating you horribly just because they have provided their generosity