Is it my responsibility?

JemmaWRX

Is it my job to plan and/or host a birthday get together with my ILs for my husband's birthday?  Or do you think as his parents they should plan something for him?  Quick backstory so this isn't too vague - my ILs are the type to wait for other people to plan something rather than do it themselves.  We are having friends over this weekend to celebrate, no family.  Between the time to prep for the party and the money spent on food and drinks, I don't think I will have the funds or the energy to do anything else.  That and I kind of want them to just nut up and plan something themselves!  I admit I might be a little bitchy about this because I feel they always expect a big production for their birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc but never reciprocate.  In your opinion should I suck it up and make the plans or let the cards fall where they may?

Disneygeek77

Well if it is me, I would just say you both already have plans for his birthday, but if the want  to plan something to celebrate on another day, that is fine but you won't be the one doing all the work. 

chiualover

I'm thinking the same as the previous 2 posters.

asewell

I don't think you owe it to the in laws to organize something, no.

 If your husband really wants a family get together it might be nice to do, for his sake, as long as its on your budget and within your time limits. But if its just about you feeling guilt or obligation to the inlaws, forget it. 

 

wife07mom09

just invite them to the party

or

go over to their house for dinner or invite IL over to your house for a simple dinner 

dragon_chica

JemmaWRX:

Is it my job to plan and/or host a birthday get together with my ILs for my husband's birthday? 

No.  It isn't anyone's job except the people who want to do it.  You are in no way obligated to plan anything.  There have been times where I've planned a surprise party for DH and invite only his closest relatives and there have been times when I haven't planned anything except a dinner for the two of us.

boobyswope

I don?t see any problem in inviting them, and you should listen to your hubby as it is his birthday party to do the same he will be happy after all he is your husband.

EastCoastBride

asewell:

I don't think you owe it to the in laws to organize something, no.

 If your husband really wants a family get together it might be nice to do, for his sake, as long as its on your budget and within your time limits. But if its just about you feeling guilt or obligation to the inlaws, forget it. 

 

This is where I fall.  Plus, as adults, I don't think there is a NEED to "have" to celebrate w/ our family every year.  For the milestone b-days, sure.  But every year?  No. 

MrsS728

It's YOUR HUSBAND'S birthday. It's your responsibility, not theirs. Once you said, "I do." you each took on the responsibility of caring and doing for the other. No offense, but it sounds like you want the party, but (just like your ILs) you want someone else to take care of it.

JemmaWRX

He wants the "friend's party" with no family.  He wants to see them/celebrate just on a separate occasion.  FTR it's his 30th so it is a milestone bday.  I'll let them figure it out with him.  

JemmaWRX

MrsS728:

It's YOUR HUSBAND'S birthday. It's your responsibility, not theirs. Once you said, "I do." you each took on the responsibility of caring and doing for the other. No offense, but it sounds like you want the party, but (just like your ILs) you want someone else to take care of it.

 Maybe you stopped reading halfway through but I am planning a party this weekend with friends only.  No family was my husband's request.  I'm asking about a second get-together for his folks.

mcskatcat

I personally don't get too jazzed for my birthday, so I don't think a birthday party is a requirement - hence I don't really think it's anyone's responsibility so much as a nice gesture by whomever wants to do the planning. So if you want to have the party, it's your responsibility.  If his parents want to have the party but aren't willing to do the work, then no birthday party.  If your husband is insisting on a party, then he can certainly pitch in getting the party ready.  

Kdj27

I would do what you know your husband enjoys most. If he enjoys getting together with friends, then do so. But if you think he will feel bummed for not seeing his parents, then you can call and see if they want to do something (on their terms, not by you planning things). 

 

I think it's perfectly fine for you to have your own lives and do grown-up things without getting parents involved. I know it's hard for parents to let this go, but at least they can know they raised him to be independent.