I don't know what to say..

goatlady12

A CW of mine recently told me that she is planning on leaving her husband.  He's a bit controlling but not abusive mentally or physically.  They've been together for over a decade and married for half of that.

CW told me that she is skyping with this guy from her childhood.  The conversations she's told me about are getting inappropriate, as he keeps telling her to hurry up and get divorced.  She still hasn't talked to her H about this and she already has her mind made up to leave him.  This really bothers me, if you are married you really need to try to make things work no matter what (minus reasons of abuse or infidelity.)  If you're starting to feel like you want to end things the conversation needs to happen before you make up your mind.  The other person should be given an opportunity to work on things.  I've told her that she needs to talk to him and that she should try to save her marriage.

Anyway, this weekend CW and I went to a wedding of a mutual friend.  CW told me that she hooked up with someone.  I really didn't know what to say to her about this.  It really bothers me when people just throw their marriages out like that.  All I could say was, "You need to talk to your H about this, you wild woman."

I'm hoping to not hear anything more on this until after she talks to him.  It makes me angry when she talks about this.  I don't want to make a big deal about it at work, but I don't want to hear about it anymore.  end rant

xxjen015

Wow...that's crazy. I think that if she brings it up again, I'd just politely say something along the lines of "I understand that you may feel like you need to talk about this, but I feel that it's putting me in an uncomfortable position and this isn't a conversation to have at work." Or something about it being a conversation she needs to have with her husband and not with you. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with her Hopefully not giving her a source to talk to will encourage her to approach her husband so that she's dealing with the problem instead of just cheating on him. 

goatlady12

xxjen015:

Wow...that's crazy. I think that if she brings it up again, I'd just politely say something along the lines of "I understand that you may feel like you need to talk about this, but I feel that it's putting me in an uncomfortable position and this isn't a conversation to have at work." Or something about it being a conversation she needs to have with her husband and not with you. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with her Hopefully not giving her a source to talk to will encourage her to approach her husband so that she's dealing with the problem instead of just cheating on him. 

Prior to the infidelity confession I kept telling her that I'm not the one she should be talking to about this.  I don't know how to talk to someone that seems proud of themselves for cheating.  It's a terrible thing to do to someone!

mana8503

Seipel12:

xxjen015:

Wow...that's crazy. I think that if she brings it up again, I'd just politely say something along the lines of "I understand that you may feel like you need to talk about this, but I feel that it's putting me in an uncomfortable position and this isn't a conversation to have at work." Or something about it being a conversation she needs to have with her husband and not with you. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with her Hopefully not giving her a source to talk to will encourage her to approach her husband so that she's dealing with the problem instead of just cheating on him. 

Prior to the infidelity confession I kept telling her that I'm not the one she should be talking to about this.  I don't know how to talk to someone that seems proud of themselves for cheating.  It's a terrible thing to do to someone!

Whoa whoa whoa not cool!  I don't even think I would be able to talk to her other than work after she confessed to cheating.  I would lose all respect for her as a person, just like she lost respect for her marriage. I would have a hard time not telling her that too.

I agree with what you said. If you aren't happy, talk to the person, try to work it out before just throwing it all away.  You don't go and cheat!  You never gave your spouse or the marriage a chance. 

Please tell me there are not kids in the picture. I bet her H is just going through life thinking things are a-ok, but little does he know his W already checked out of the marriage...

goatlady12

mana8503:

Seipel12:

xxjen015:

Wow...that's crazy. I think that if she brings it up again, I'd just politely say something along the lines of "I understand that you may feel like you need to talk about this, but I feel that it's putting me in an uncomfortable position and this isn't a conversation to have at work." Or something about it being a conversation she needs to have with her husband and not with you. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with her Hopefully not giving her a source to talk to will encourage her to approach her husband so that she's dealing with the problem instead of just cheating on him. 

Prior to the infidelity confession I kept telling her that I'm not the one she should be talking to about this.  I don't know how to talk to someone that seems proud of themselves for cheating.  It's a terrible thing to do to someone!

Whoa whoa whoa not cool!  I don't even think I would be able to talk to her other than work after she confessed to cheating.  I would lose all respect for her as a person, just like she lost respect for her marriage. I would have a hard time not telling her that too.

I agree with what you said. If you aren't happy, talk to the person, try to work it out before just throwing it all away.  You don't go and cheat!  You never gave your spouse or the marriage a chance. 

Please tell me there are not kids in the picture. I bet her H is just going through life thinking things are a-ok, but little does he know his W already checked out of the marriage...

No kids. They've been trying for a long time.  He wants to stop trying which has been one of the driving factors for her wanting out.

mana8503

Are they having infertility issues?  Maybe that's driving her away.  Instead of dealing with it, she's doing this?  It's sh!tty, but people do it.