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Getting annoyed by single friends?
I love my friends. We see each other less often than when we were all in college together, but we make it a point to still do things together and have girls nights out. But, I am the only married one in the group, and none of them are even thinking about marriage. 2 of them are in relationships, but don't expect to get the big Q any time soon. I married young - I am 26 and have been married for 2 years, and they all seem happy for me. But lately they have all been really brutal in their attitude towards marraige...constantly posting memes or gifs that say "when my friends start talking about marraige..." or "when my married friends start talking about..." attached to an image of some girl running away or making a face. The other thing is that I cannot go anywhere or even say HI to an attractive guy without one of them butting in and saying "oh and this is our married friend." I always laugh it off and say yep that's me, but it's getting to be obnoxious. I can still introduce myself even though I'm married. I guess my question is...has anyone else experienced this? It's not like I pressure my friends to get boyfriends or constantly talk about marriage...they are happy being single and I respect that. But I feel like I'm looked down on because I'm married.
Re: Getting annoyed by single friends?
I am not married quite yet but once the excitement of my engagement died down all the girls started treating me differently. I am only 21 so I think most of it is just that they don't know what to do. I still go hang out but I am not a drinker. I NEVER was and now they claim I am a buzzkill and I got boring when I got engaged. They say really negative things about marriage and ask me what I am thinking. They are all having it rough relationship wise right now. I hope it gets better and not worse. It is hard enough now.
Love: March 2010 Marriage: July 2013 Debt Free: October 2014 TTC: May 2015
I've been married 2.5 yrs - I hear from a few friends (they have bf's so not technically single) comment how they don't care to get married, they're in their 30s like me and I think 'um...yeah right' because I know they'd be thrilled if they got engaged. They will make comments about how being married sounds boring or will ask me if I don't miss the club and night life they're currently living, I reply 'um no, I couldn't be this age hitting the club, that's weird' and that's end of conversation.
P.S. I recall when I was single not being thrilled about it so I don't think in your case they're looking down at you, probably want to be in your shoes.
I don't think this is because your friends are single. I think it's because your friends are inconsiderate.
Have you mentioned to them that it bothers you and that you don't feel like they're being very supportive or thoughtful towards you?
i am single and my circle of friends is about half and half married vs. single, and I don't think I've ever experienced the kind of judgmental attitude you describe from either side.
Sounds like their jealous. They probably secretly want what you have. I'd just shrug it off for now, eventually one of them will marry and then you won't be alone
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All. Of. This. I was one of the first in my group of friends to get married and I never experienced what you experienced. Same goes for when I was the first in my small circle to have a kid. It could be jealousy, it could be maturity but in the end if they don't listen to how their actions make you feel it may be time for a friendship evaluation.
Yeup. Though, do consider that they may really be going through a "negativity toward marriage" phase, and it doesn't have to do with you. I still laugh at (funny) marriage jokes (the "he became a slob and she stopped dressing hot and he stopped trying" has been done too much). That is, if it's just on facebook. If they are in front of you discussing "oh, man, I would never get married" like you aren't there, that's really rude.
You've got to brush it off, because you're going to hear it everywhere. I would doubt that any of their facebook comments/images are aimed directly at you.
At 25, I'm the oldest and the only married person in my group of close co-workers (close meaning that we all work in the same small space for ten hours per day, every workday). I couldn't tell you how often one of my co-workers will say something anti-marriage and/or anti-young marriage without even thinking about the fact that I'm sitting right there.
That's just one of the many stereotypes we signed up for when we decided to get married at a young age.
Umm not necessarily! That's you! Some people are simply not needy. I am very happily single. In fact, I much prefer being single.
Sometimes it just takes a bit of communication. I'm older than ya'll, got married at 29 and a lot of my friends are single and even over 30. We had a bit of a chat about how things would change between us before I got married.And would touch on it a bit even after I got married.
You know your friends, so you would know the best way to ask them what's going on with them to post the comments on facebook (obviously in a peaceful way). I would also make a point not to brush off the 'introducing' situation. I would let them know as soon as it happens, saying something like 'Thanks hun, but I can introduce myself'.
In all of this, I hugely suggest that you make sure you are no longer upset with them in your mind and heart...forgive them, before you speak to them. Otherwise, what you really feel, if your annoyed, angry, etc will come out, and you don't want to have a fall out with such dear friends over something like this:)
Ida Newly Married??? Sister, let's relate!
You are totally right. I am almost 21 and the first of my group of friends to be married. My friends are so mean and so inconsiderate about me being the only one married.
Every time I invite them to hang out, even if it is just me, they make some ridiculous comment about "why isn't your husband coming?" or "I'm surprised you didn't bring your husband!" I am not a buzzkill after getting married. I enjoy going out and having fun just as much as my single friends; I didn't drink in excess before I was married, so why would I now? I'm sorry I don't get belligerant drunk at house parties with you every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night! I have a house payment, car payments, and other things to worry about to be buying beer for the whole party.
Mostly, this just hurts my feelings. Even when I am back home visiting my parents, my "best friend" will just walk past me in the living room without even saying 'hi' and go back to talk to my parents. She keeps beer in their fridge, and it sucks that she would rather ignore her best friend and go drink with a bunch of people who are disrespecting her and just trying to get in her pants on the weekends than hang out with me. Apparently, because I am the boring married woman now.
Sucks!! I wish people would understand that I am not a different person now that I am married. I wish I could find some young, married couples to hang out with! It would make things a whole lot easier.