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BNOTB but...
Our wedding is this weekend. We are NOT having children until we can pay off all debt and have a nice savings account. We are talking four years away. I am only 21 and he is 24.
My family has not been pressuring me to have kids but to NOT have kids. They say I am too immature.
We have proved maturity through actions. He has an amazing job that pays our rent and all utilities. We are on a five year contract with his job currently and after that he will have the option of going elsewhere or moving up. We planned and paid for our own wedding and we have paid of 10,000 dollars worth of school debt in the last 5 months. We are level headed mature and have plans in place. A 401K is being funded as much as we can.I start my new and better paying job on Aug. 1st.
This is the family who still forces us to sit at the kids table at family dinners. With 13 year olds. I am getting so irritated and with family showing up for the wedding it seems to come up every few hours. I feel like nothing is ever good enough and I have always felt this way but what can I say to keep them quiet?
Love: March 2010 Marriage: July 2013 Debt Free: October 2014 TTC: May 2015
Re: BNOTB but...
you both sound like very level headed mature young adults. I think it is more your family is not ready to accept that fact that you are growing up and having kids would just speed that up for them.
i would just tell them your new husband and you have your own plans and will do things in your own time. You have no obligation to tell them of your plans or explain anything.
And by the way, Congrats on becoming a Mrs!!!! I hope your wedding is everything you dreamed it would be!! Enjoy it.
Thank you! It should be beautiful.
That's what I have been doing and I will just keep it up. I agree they aren't ready for me to be an adult. They have gone as far as recommending we stop paying off loans so quickly and take a string of weekend trips around New England and to act like a 21 year old. Haha.
Love: March 2010 Marriage: July 2013 Debt Free: October 2014 TTC: May 2015
My family does the same thing! DH and I are 22, and have been married since we were 18. We both have stable jobs, steady income, and great credit. We recently bought a house and my parents are like "What are you doing? Go out and party! Go on trips!! Enjoy your youth!" We are, but not like that. It's annoying!
Congrats!
We get the same thing, but mainly it is from our non-married friends! They say we work too much and don't enjoy our lives. However, we are doing just the opposite we are almost debt free, going to buy a house next winter (the plan), have gone on vacation every year sometimes more than once in a year, have a nice savings that is continuing to grow, live on our own, have finished college, and have great careers. It's a little annoying but I just think they are probably projecting their jealousy in a weird way or at least that is how I take it.
My motto is that all my sacrafice and hard work now will pay off big time in the next few years and I am still young! One friend in particular who harps on me the most quit her job for six months to live in a van and road trip with her boyfriend, they are now back and living with his parents. I understand they made memories but the fact that she has no money and is living paycheck to paycheck would scare me. That's just the person I am I like to be prepared, she likes to live by the seat of her pants. Different people different views/goals, I just try to shrug it off.
Coming from family is a little weird and frusterating but hopefully they will see in time you made the best decision for your lives.
This.
You don't have to 'prove' that you are ready or that you are mature. It is in the actions and lifestyle that you have with your husband. Let the advice and unwanted sound fade, live the life you all deem necessary. In the end there are 2 people in a marriage and that should be the end of it.
Do not allow your family to subjugate you to unwanted words or sitting you at a kids' table. Next time politely decline the invite or just leave once you realize that the seating arrangements do not coincide with your age. No need to make a big proclamation, just continue to assert yourself in the actions of a married couple. Also, do not tell them your family planning schedule. Your family is YOUR family and you only have to answer to one another.