Married Life
catsareniice1
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Can someone explain why this is....
in Married Life
I have noticed that many (not ALL) people who are married, especially ones with children, think they are or act superior than single people.
When I was married I never acted this way but I have noticed that many people who are married come across as know it alls and look down upon single people.
When I am asked if I am married and respond, "No." The response I get is usually, "Oh. Well, you will meet the right guy someday." Really!? Do these people think my life is incomplete without a man and they are better than me because they are tied to someone? I don't understand this mentality. And, God-forbid a married person stays on the phone while their husband is home. "My husband is home. I have to go." Umm ok??
Re: Can someone explain why this is....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I could say the same thing about how many single people treat married people.
This. Also, people with children seem to 'talk down to' people that don't have kids.
I think you just like to stir the pot, Cats.
Same can be said for those women with children that look down at those who don't have any, same with those single women who look down at married women and think they're boring or think they're jealous of them for hitting the club and doing the single nightlife....
As for the comment you're referring to, MOST in their late 20s early 30s DO start to think about marriage and wish they DO find someone to settle down with.
No. It is not a grudge at all. I literally almost always have someone say ohhh like they feel bad for me. It's their tone not so much what they are saying. There are others who respond and mean well but the other group of women truly fel bad for me lol. It is really, really weird. I've been married and single. I have many married friends who are cool who don't act this way but SOME seem to categorize you and look down to single people. I just don't get theses people. I do respond by saying something like, "I'm totally happy the way my life is." but they really don't get it.
I am not lumping married people all in the same category as you are. I said some. Some married people don't get that there really are people who prefer to be single and I am one of them. I am not jealous lol and longing for love. I've been asked out on plenty of dates and just don't want a guy at the moment. These women don't seem to understand that I really am ok with this and it is a decision I have made.
Stirring the pot? Once again, I am talking/making convo. I am not saying it is all married women. I don't get THIS particular group of married women. I am not trolling and saying all married people are like this. I think some of you are misunderstanding me and taking it personal.
All I am asking is what causes some people to think everyone needs someone to the point they act as though they feel sorry for you and they are a better place in life. I don't get it is all! It's f#kin weird.
Even before I married I didn't care whether I got married or not. I was never a "wish" or that important to me to be attached to someone. For me it was more like if I meet someone fine, if I don't that's cool too.
I didn't mean to disregard what you said. I can imagine the comments. There are annoying people on both ends.
I suppose. Married or single noone should act like their choice is the one or better. People will be people though. Negative and crabby lol
I'm not lumping all single people into that category, either. I said many, not all.
It's precisely these people that make me not talk about being married too much. Most of my friends are single.
My hypothesis is that these married people believe they have reached "endgame" and have the secret to making a relationship work(or, even worse, keeping someone around, whereas the single person may only have met people who they don't want to keep around.). But I don't understand that, because while a relationship may generally run smoothly it's still constantly changing, growing, and evolving together with the people involved. Plus, it's important to meet someone who you would marry first, and even when you put yourself out there a lot of that is luck.
Also, I think that it was mentioned before-some people believe that the main thing people want out of life(or at least women) is to be married.
you must have experienced this in some way with friends or people you know. Shame, if they treated you that way, but don't let it get to you.
They probably did not mean to and if they knew that it bothered you, would be really sorry.
Oh and the 'my husband's home, I got to go'. Totally guilty here. Every marriage is different, but with work schedules and other commitments, the time you get with your husband can be so precious. I definitely don't suggest that married ladies always say goodbye to friends when hubby arrives(not cool), but I get it and we gotta be patient on both ends.
Newly Married??? Sister, let's relate!
Meh. I think you just have crappy friends. And that you're a bit oversensitive about this topic.
I have married friends, single friends, friends with kids, friends without kids. I've never noticed one group treating another that way. Not among relatives either.
FWIW I do hang up the phone when my DH gets home. We get about an hour by ourselves a couple of nights a week. Sorry but I'm not missing out on that to gossip with a girlfriend. That's why I call people after the kid is in bed and before the husband gets home.
STRICTLY ANSWERING THIS QUESTION ONLY.
It is a biological imperative in humans and other primates to find a partner, mate, and produce offspring. If you cannot do this, ergo, you must be biologically unfit. These instincts and basic biological pulls still exist in humans, and it isn't illogical for females who have found a mate and completed their evolutionary purpose to feel sorry for a female who hasn't. Modern society allows quite easily for women to chose not to reproduce, but basic instincts will always outweigh current cultural expectations.
In short, it's ancient, ingrained instincts and biological tugs that cause people to feel sorry for an unattached, childless female.
There, the anthropologist ruined the romance of being a social outcast.
Good point! But now I'm completely jealous! I want an anthropological/biological excuse to act like a judgmental b?tch and shove my single, childless lifestyle down other people's throats!
This is why no one takes anthropology seriously, especially pop evolutionary biology. It's just real science berift of any details or research and generally used to justify cultural norms. Oh, and full of correlations pretending to be causations.
Some annoying married ppl don't even want kids. That's the first of many objections against your argument, which only takes into account your culture-and forgets the huge pressure to get married in many parts of many societies to fit a cultural norm.
Snarking ops is totally fine on the nest, but please don't bring 'science' into it.
Cats,
Before my husband and I got married, we used to refer to it as "the married club" or "the married with kids club". It wasn't exactly that people were rude to us that were at different points in their lives, but I think it's just that you're going to connect on a deeper level with someone if you have more in common, ie- being married or having kids. Lots of people who are married talk about marriage a lot, lots of people who have kids talk about their kids a lot. It's not to say everyone can't get along, I just think people naturally gravitate to others who have a huge similarity like marriage or kids.
My friends range from single to have boyfriends, to married, to one kid, to multiple kids. But I'm sure my friends with kids open up to other people with kids about their kids more than they open up with me about it. I love kids, love talking about kids, etc, but on social media like Facebook and stuff, single people I know tend to complain a lot about seeing "too many" pics of others' babies and weddings. If people keep complaining about getting too many details of huge parts of others' lives, then those people feel they should keep those things to themselves and will only talk to others who have a similar situation to them.
Does that make sense? I realize that was really wordy. These are just my observations of my interactions with acquaintances. With real friends, I don't think there should be any problems like this; however, everyone has their own feelings.
Hmm...I have a lot of married friends and a lot of single friends and I haven't really noticed any of this hostility that you are speaking of. Maybe time for better friends?
I was single for a loooong time before I got married, and I had a lot of married friends but none of them ever made me feel inferior.
Now that I'm married, I still have single friends and I don't think I make them feel inferior? Maybe I do, I doubt they would tell me. But they don't make me feel inferior for not being single, either.
I had never really thought about this, I guess, because I am content with my life choices and I honestly don't care what people who disagree with them think. So this has just never been on my radar.