Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What did you do post divorce?
I'm thinking about my options, but I'm not sure what to do about money. I'm a SAHM to two small kids and I haven't worked in a couple of years. Either way the boys would need to be in daycare so I could go back to work. So...move in with my parents until I find a job then enroll them in daycare? Find a job before serving him papers? If he gets partial custody do they have to go to two different daycares? How do you make the money work out? After the divorce is final, then what?
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Re: What did you do post divorce?
When I got divorced there weren't any kids in the equation, so my help is limited. Are you seeking child support in the divorce settlement? That seems like an important piece to helping you stay afloat. I'm sure you'll still need to work, but that seems like it would help.
Good luck. If you are on good terms with your parents that might be a good temporary situation so they can help you (with the kids, and in general).
I just got divorced a few months ago and I have a 1.5 year old and 2.5 year old.
If you feel comfortable moving in with your parents, I'd do it and go ahead and file-- the divorce process will take 6-8 months MINIMUM, so why wait if you know it's what you want?
When you file, your lawyer can ask the judge to grant you temporary support so that your husband must give you money to support you and your kids until the divorce is final (and child support/alimony is in place).
Even if your husband is a rock star dad, custody will likely not be 50/50. The standard agreement in many states (especially with kids as young as ours) is that the dad gets every other weekend, every other holiday and a few weeks during the summer. That's what our arrangement is, although I allow and encourage him to come see them several times a week.
There are usually provisions in the divorce agreement that say that the parents will need to come to an agreement about education, childcare, etc-- so I don't think you'll end up with two daycares. That would NOT be good for your kids and hopefully your husband understands that. With the turmoil that they're getting ready to go through, they need as much stability as possible.
As for the cost of daycare, that will be factored into your child support amount and it's done based on the percentage you each make of your combined income, so if you make 1/3 of the total income between your job and his, you'll pay a third of the daycare expense. (There's some wiggle room with this, but this is how the calculation is done.)
Good luck!