Keeping your name instead of taking his.

Rachel-Nicole

When I got married, I decided to keep my name because of professional reasons.  My husband and I discussed it and he is fine with me keeping my name. The problem is, there are some people who insist on calling me by my husband's last name or sticking his name after my last name. People have asked why I don't hyphenate and one reason is that I don't want to and the other is because I have a long name already. Has anyone else encountered this problem and what have you done about it?

anssett

Not only did I keep my name, he took mine. My name is way cooler, and I have professional credentials and publications under it. Also, it's way cooler!

 

No one has ever called me Mrs. HisMaidenName. If they did I'd just correct them. People have the entrenched societal expectations locked in their heads. You can help break them out of it by politely pointing out how their assumption was wrong. 

GilliC

Wish I had kept my name. Would have made my professional life so much easier!

People will comment on all kinds of things that are none of their business. If you want, you can tell them that in many other parts of the world it's fairly uncommon to take your husband's name, or that you just didn't want to deal with the administrative nightmare. Especially since you're known professionally by your maiden name.

As for being addressed by Mrs.Hisname, I think you just need to accept that it will happen in social settings, because people don't always realize. Assume it's an honest mistake and either correct it or let it go.

Joy2611

Yes, I kept my name.  Yes, I've encountered people assuming my last name is his last name, but it doesn't bother me.  Here's why:

It was important to me that my LEGAL name stay the same.  My parents named me at birth and that will be my legal name for life. Before marrying, I earned my Ph.D. so I had two names: Ms. MyLastName and Dr. MyLastName.  Since then, I married and gained a third: Mrs. HisLastName.  I have three hats and I am all three things.  They are all my names and I'm fine with them being used.

BulgariHeart

I didn't take my H's name and noticed that people will in fact assume I did. The funny thing is that whenever we travel or plan activities I'm usually the one who reserves them (using MY name) so when we come to it people call my H by my last name since they automatically assume that my name must be his last name... It's somewhat hilarious. We've learnt to just roll with it. Well, he has. I'm still being called by the right name

tmp-6629467

This is where I have a dilemma. I love my name, but there is another person with it because my cousin married someone with the same first name as me. And my /bf has a cousin with the same name so I would run into the same problem. For professional reasons it would be nice to keep my name, but others have changed it while part of the company and it just takes some time to adjust. So I might just hyphenate and if people call me by my last name or by H's last name it can just be politely corrected or left alone. It is a social stigma and confusing for many because they don't understand the reasons or that when you have kids who's name they will have

moonprincessd

It's still the norm in America for the woman to take the man's name, so most will assume you are Mrs (his name). 

I do think it's rude if you correct them and they refuse to call you by your last name, but I don't think it's rude if they "assume" you are Mrs. (his name) because that's the cultural norm. 

cornflwr33

Originally I was going to keep my maiden name.  2nd marriage for me and I was on the fence.  It was actually within the week of our wedding the I decided to take his name.  But I had known that I would be called Mrs HisName alot if i kept my name.  To each their own

BeckyOff

It's annoying when people continue to call you the wrong name after you correct them. You could always start calling them by the wrong name.

Hi Janet.
My name is Sharon.
Blah blah blah. What do you think, Janet?

kristabellafrasier

I still have my maiden name. I wanted to take his last name but then life got in the way and it is just too much to handle at the moment, so i talked with the hubby and he is fine with it. It is the opposite with me. They still remember me by my last name or don't even use my last name. I tend to try to be on a first name basis with the people I encounter. They have to try to remember that I am married and they ask what his last name is. But just to make life easier on me and the people around me, I insist on everyone using my first name, or if I really like them - a nickname. My personal opinion, a name is a name. It's the person that counts.

SapphireCounselor

I decided to hyphenate when changing my legal name. I just couldn't give up my maiden name completely. What I've noticed is that even though folks know that I hyphenated, they still tend to call me by my maiden name because my hyphenated name is kind of a mouth full. I've done this also, just socially and professional verbally used my maiden name, so they may be taking my lead on this.

erollis

BulgariHeart said:

I didn't take my H's name and noticed that people will in fact assume I did. The funny thing is that whenever we travel or plan activities I'm usually the one who reserves them (using MY name) so when we come to it people call my H by my last name since they automatically assume that my name must be his last name... It's somewhat hilarious. We've learnt to just roll with it. Well, he has. I'm still being called by the right name

I did take my Hs last name when we married. But I make all the vacation reservations under my name and our grocery cards are under my name. So before we got married H was always Mr. Mymaidenname. We found it very amusing.

Nothing you can really do if people call you by his last name except just roll with it. It's not worth the battle.

DaringMiss

My partner (we are not married) travel together frequently.  Depending on who makes the reservations, I am either Mrs. HisLastName or he is Mr. MyLastName for the entire trip.  

You just have to let it go.

GilliC

DaringMiss said:

My partner (we are not married) travel together frequently.  Depending on who makes the reservations, I am either Mrs. HisLastName or he is Mr. MyLastName for the entire trip.  

You just have to let it go.

I hope not on plane tickets!

Sillygirl45

Many people seem to like to call you Mrs. HisLastName, especially as a newlywed, to acknowledge your new marriage and have a little fun. When I went back to work after my honeymoon there was a lot of "Well hello there Mrs. HisLastName! How was the honeymoon?". I think many people, especially older people, think it is an honor to have your husbands last name. My mother and MIL had a whole conversation about being so proud and excited about being Mrs. HisLastName. That being said, the decision to keep/change your last name is a one that everyone needs to make for themselves. I thought about it long and hard myself. I do think it's a little annoying when people get all ticked and make a big issue when someone makes a mistake with which name to use. It's not always a personal attack. If you feel certain people are intentionally disregarding your choice, I guess ignore it. Who knows why someone would do that. It's weird. As far as asking why you made that choice, maybe it's genuine interest, maybe it's just making conversation.

Leftie22

I kept my name because I married sort of late (33) and have degrees and publications under my name. Yes, people will assume you're Mrs. Husband. Just keep correcting them. If they ask why you didn't hyphenate, just tell them what you said here, your name is too long! Also, get ready for more annoyance if you have kids. My son has my DHs last name, and I regret that SO MUCH!! Because I'm the one who's always with him and takes him to appointments, and it's annoying to explain our two different names. I wish I had hyphenated my sons name, or given him my last name. Just something to ponder in the future!