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Long Vent about...everything!!
shanliann
member
I will apologize now, I know this will get wordy. I've just had enough and have to get it out!!
We got married in Sept. 2012. We paid for the wedding ourselves, which brought it's own stress. Then 3 days before the wedding our venue decided to change prices/policies on us and demanded an extra 1,500 or no wedding. Luckily our family/friends came to the resuse and we got the money and got married. 
I sort of felt like, new chapter here we come!!
So, 6 weeks after the wedding, the rod went through the engine(or something like that) of our only car. Crap. Well a friend lent us there car for 3 days. So we had to figure out everything for a new car in 3 days. Our only option was to take out a loan on a used car. Great. Well I had paid off the loan on my previous car all by myself, so no reason why the 2 of us can't make car payments. So we go to car lot and found a great car for 8,000. Well, having no credit really put a kink in things, the only loan company that would approve us, required the car to be certain years and under certain milege. So instead of buying the 8,000 car we bought a 15,000 car. Oh and by the way the interest rate is 24.00%. So surprise our car payment is 425 a month. So we've done our best to stay on top of the payments.
Well in the middle of July our car got repossesd. I was so angry I had just talked to the finance company 2 days before this and promised them more money out of my next check, plus they had just cashed a check for 200.00. Well the finance company said they would reapprove us for the car to come back, for a payment of 2,500. Well clearly if I had that kinda money sitting in the bank I wouldn't be late on my car payments!!! So my boss offered to lend us the money( I work at a hotel, so this is the indian guy who owns it) ok great I told him, for August and September I wouldn't be able to pay back much, because we are still paying on our photographer and wedding loan. oh fine no problem.
Well the week after the car got reposed, I got offered to go full time at my part time job. Woo hoo!! I was jumping for joy I was so happy. I knew working 80 hours a week would for sure be an adjustment but I'd have money to get my boss paid back and then do whatever I want with the extra money!! Finally something going right for us! Then 3 days ago I got accused to tampering with my bonus that I make at my 2nd job and am basically "suspended" and not put on the schedule for this week, knowing the d-bag I work for, I probably never work another shift there again, even though I didn't do what I'm accused of.
Then today I get to work and my boss calls me and just yells at me for everything. I took Thursday and Friday as my days off 2 weeks in row(I do the schedule and those are the days my hubby has off, so I take those days, as long as no one else has them requested!) and just made me feel like a piece of s**t. I broke down and started bawling. I had to hang up on him and walk into the back and try to compose myself. Ugh.
I know this stuff is life and everyone goes through it, and things could be so much worse but I'm just at a breaking point of feeling like how much more can a girl handle?
Our anniversary is coming up next month, and honestly I just want to push pause because I don't want it to be here yet. We had originally thought of going to St. Louis(4 hours away) for a weekend getaway and maybe go sky diving for our something big for the anniversary. Obviously the money isn't there for that. I had planned to surprise my hubby with tickets to a WWE show about 2 hours away, but now that won't happen. Seriosuly at my breaking point. I know I need to snap out of this boo hoo poor me mood and get motivated to make it better because I'm the only one(well me and hubby)who can improve things, but I feel like why try anymore it clearly doesn't work. Today was my first Saturday morning off from work for over a year a half(except for the time I took off for the wedding) and I laid in bed feeling sorry for myself until 1pm. So not like me.
UUUUGGH.
Re: Long Vent about...everything!!
I'm so sorry. When it rains it effing pours.
Maybe you could post your budget on money matters and people could help you see where you can cut etc?
I agree with PP that you should talk to the people on Money Matters.
As for the first anniversary, it's really just a day on the calendar, and it's honestly no big deal. Trying to plan a big event for it is more likely than not just going to be a disappointment, so why not just focus on each other that night? Rent a movie, stay in, and maybe do something low key like having a grocery store cake decorated with a silly personal message. Our big first anniversary plan was to eat the year-old cake out of the freezer. Yay! It was silly and fun and required zero planning or budget.
Honestly, you don't need a reason like an anniversary to do something big together. I think a lot of people just use it as an excuse to do something they can't responsibly afford. Save up and do that thing whenever it makes sense. In the long run, you'll be a lot happier about the decision and a lot of the pressure is off.
And I guess it's too late now, but didn't you sign a contract with the wedding venue?
You tried to have a wedding you couldn't really afford, and then you were struggling to cover it. Venues have contracts. The rates don't spontaneously go up right before the wedding. You get the rates in writing WELL beforehand.
You tried to buy a car you couldn't afford, then it got repossessed.
You borrowed money from a co-worker without a written contract (just assuming there) and now potentially shady work choices are making it hard to repay that.
You did this stuff to yourself. If you can't see how your actions are leading to your misery...well...hopefully these post responses might help.
We got married in Sept. 2012. We paid for the wedding ourselves, which brought it's own stress. Then 3 days before the wedding our venue decided to change prices/policies on us and demanded an extra 1,500 or no wedding. Luckily our family/friends came to the resuse and we got the money and got married.
This was a crappy thing for the venue to do --- you should have spoken to an attorney; perhaps you wouldn't have been "liable" for the extra grand and a half.
Or you could have cut one of the services and foregone that for the extra $1500.
So, 6 weeks after the wedding, the rod went through the engine(or something like that) of our only car. Crap. Well a friend lent us there car for 3 days. So we had to figure out everything for a new car in 3 days. Our only option was to take out a loan on a used car. Great. Well I had paid off the loan on my previous car all by myself, so no reason why the 2 of us can't make car payments. So we go to car lot and found a great car for 8,000. Well, having no credit really put a kink in things, the only loan company that would approve us, required the car to be certain years and under certain milege. So instead of buying the 8,000 car we bought a 15,000 car. Oh and by the way the interest rate is 24.00%. So surprise our car payment is 425 a month. So we've done our best to stay on top of the payments.
Horse is out of the barn again --- you and he should have goen without a car for awhile or bought a beater that only took you to work and back. 15K for a car you can't afford? You never should have done it.
You should have checked the want ads --- lots of people sell cars "on their own" to buyers. Buying frm a used lot is already a commission that somebody's going to get.:(
Well in the middle of July our car got repossesd. I was so angry I had just talked to the finance company 2 days before this and promised them more money out of my next check, plus they had just cashed a check for 200.00. Well the finance company said they would reapprove us for the car to come back, for a payment of 2,500. Well clearly if I had that kinda money sitting in the bank I wouldn't be late on my car payments!!! So my boss offered to lend us the money( I work at a hotel, so this is the indian guy who owns it) ok great I told him, for August and September I wouldn't be able to pay back much, because we are still paying on our photographer and wedding loan. oh fine no problem.
Well the week after the car got reposessed, I got offered to go full time at my part time job. Woo hoo!! I was jumping for joy I was so happy. I knew working 80 hours a week would for sure be an adjustment but I'd have money to get my boss paid back and then do whatever I want with the extra money!! Finally something going right for us! Then 3 days ago I got accused to tampering with my bonus that I make at my 2nd job and am basically "suspended" and not put on the schedule for this week, knowing the d-bag I work for, I probably never work another shift there again, even though I didn't do what I'm accused of.
Whoa....RETAIN AN ATTORNEY FOR THIS ONE!!!
THis is a legal issue and one that can blacken your name for a good long while: ATTORNEY and STAT --- call legal aid...
And never ever borrow money from an employer. I can't see how that can work out for anybody's good.
Then today I get to work and my boss calls me and just yells at me foreverything. I took Thursday and Friday as my days off 2 weeks in row(I do the schedule and those are the days my hubby has off, so I take those days, as long as no one else has them requested!) and just made me feel like a piece of s**t. I broke down and started bawling. I had to hang up on him and walk into the back and try to compose myself. Ugh.
Find another job. Sounds like you've got a sh!tty service job and those jobs never pay anything much. I'll bet also you have a benefitless job and that sucks in itself right there.
This is kind of where I'm at as well. This doesn't all sound like a string of bad luck. You took a loan out for a wedding. Really unwise. Most, if not all banks have stipulations on the cars they will finance. You agreed to the terms of this loan. You purchased a car you couldn't afford. The bank didn't pull the wool over your eyes. You knew full well what you were getting, what your monthly payment was going to be, etc. Regarding your boss - people are declined time off requests. It's nothing to pout over. Everyone else that you work with has a family as well. I think you need to stop playing the victim and start learning from your mistakes.
This.
Never buy what you cannot afford outright and never buy anything that is not within your financial means.
You could have had a wedding with a small handful of your nearest and dearest and did it for very cheap (they do it for repasts all the time; why not weddings??? A couple we know had a small ceremony and then took 30 people to dinner afterwards, NO NEED to spend money you do not have!
And indeed you could have gotten a beater from a private seller. Use it only to go back and forth to work; you and/or he could also have taken a bus or some other public transporattion to school or work. 15 grand for a car??? SELL the car!!!
Sell it and find something at about a third of that price. Or bus it or take a train; go without the car.
I guess now that I have everything off my chest, I need to explain a few things in more detail.
As far as the wedding goes, I did talk to my lawyer and yes we did have legal rights, but at 3 days to the wedding, if we didn't pay the money, the wedding wouldn't have gone on, even though we would have later won a court case, the wedding would have still had to be rescheduled, etc.
as far as the car goes, we tried every option for financing and we were just in hole because we don't have credit. the few credit cards we do have, have very small limits, 300 or 500 bucks, which do nothing for your credit when compared to buying a car. I talked to a financial advisor at our bank, and he said the best option was to buy the car with whoever would give us the loan, pay it on time for 6 months, and then come back to our bank to refinance, which I did that in may and we were then approved but we were approved for 1,000 less then the pay off amount so we were working to get the original loan payed down and then refiance. We didn't have a penny to buy a junker and buses don't run out where we live(small farm town outside of the city)
as far as work goes, there are 3 of us that float between 2nd and 3rd shift, we also all rotate weekends off, well by me taking thurs/fri off instead, the other 2 employees get every other weekend off, instead of 1 weekend a month. The other lady, her husband is on disability so she would prefer to have like sunday Monday off so she can relax and have a day to take him to drs apts, etc. The other guy he is very into music and he doesn't ever care what day he gets off, unless he has plans to go check out local bands, in which case he requests those days off. we had a previous employee who liked to manipulate the schedule and use everyone to her advantage and my boss is still punishing us for her choices. he feels like if I get comfortable with thurs/fri off I will get angry or upset when I cant have them off. not true at all. I worked almost every Thursday and Friday in july because of group arrivals, busy times, etc.
As far as the paying for the wedding goes, we paid for everything but the 1500 last minute to the reception venue. we paid 8,000 to the venue, for the dress, the cake, the photobooth, all the candy for the candy bar, the decoations, table lines, centerpieces, photographer.
But you still shelled out 8000 for a wedding, right? You would have been able to buy a pretty decent car for 8000 or less. The point is, you paid for something you couldn't afford. You didn't consider future expenses that would present themselves, such as the car. If all you had was 8000 in the bank, you were foolish to drop all of it on a wedding.
This is life and you have to plan for it. If you blow your savings on a wedding, you're screwed when you NEED that money (let's face it, you didn't need a wedding that cost that much money... you might have wanted it, but you sure as hell didn't need it). If you're late on a car payment, the bank will repossess the car. Sometimes when you want off from work, you don't get it. Even taking your word for it, that your boss was out of line and is punishing you for other's shortcomings... get over it. My boss is mean. Blames me for her own mistakes. Doesn't give me the time of day. Gives me bad information. You name it, she does it. Guess what? That's life. There is no better advice then that. It's life. Get over it.
If you don't take any responsibility for this, you will never learn your lesson. You made poor choices and you're paying for it now. We've all been there. I wasn't always wise with money and I'm lying if I say I'll never make other financial mistakes in my life. But you need to own up to your contribution to your problems or else you will never learn. And I promise you, you WILL find yourself in similar straits again if you don't clean up your act.
Sell the car and get something from a local seller. Lots of people sell cars ont heir own. AND You will not be paying some salesguy's commission!
As far as the paying for the wedding goes, we paid for everything but the 1500 last minute to the reception venue. we paid 8,000 to the venue, for the dress, the cake, the photobooth, all the candy for the candy bar, the decoations, table lines, centerpieces, photographer.
Eight grand was unaffordable for the both of you.
You could have borrowed a dress, gone to a hall and had a dessert reception. with desserts made by a supermarket --- and invited only a small group of people.
Fraction of the cost. Think of that versus 8 grand that was hard for you and he to come by.
You could have skipped the candy bar (bet most of it was thrown out), the decorations (nobody's gonna care; people are there for the food and the music) and whatever a table line is, you could have done without that, too -- and ditto the centerpieces. You could have gotten bouquets from a supermakret, stuck 'em in vases and called that the centerpiece.
The 2 of you are off to a very rough start.
You'll be eating beans and rice everyday if you don't reel in the spending!
Sell the car and get a beater. The interest alone will KIILL you.
Yep. This is what happens when you have no credit and no cash. You can't buy a beater without any cash, so you are forced to finance through a dealer. Your credit sucks and you have no cash for a down payment, so you are only approved for a loan like this. But you need a car immediately to get to work, so you sign on the line. If you truly have no cash and no other options for transportation, what else can you do?
So, some of the things that have happened to you are illegal.
The vendor thing is extremely shady. Since you had a contract they needed to honor it. And you should still take them to court, sue for the money back, your lawyer's fees, and emotional distress. You are very probably still covered under the law to do this.
You should also at least threaten to sue the finance company. A lot, and belligerently. I've seen my parent do this, and it works. If you have proof of wrongdoing( I.E proof you were on a payment plan, recorded phone calls, etc) you can actually sue them.
Seriously, don't let people take advantage of you. It's one of the best ways to stay poor, and it's good to have a no-nonsense history, since the best people to make money from are those who don't fight back.
So, some of the things that have happened to you are illegal.
The vendor thing is extremely shady. Since you had a contract they needed to honor it. And you should still take them to court, sue for the money back, your lawyer's fees, and emotional distress. You are very probably still covered under the law to do this.
I said this earlier on. They had no right to do this; you were already signed sealed and delivered on prices, if you had a contract.
What happened here is breach of contract. Lawyer up.
You should also at least threaten to sue the finance company. A lot, and belligerently. I've seen my parent do this, and it works. If you have proof of wrongdoing( I.E proof you were on a payment plan, recorded phone calls, etc) you can actually sue them.
And report the finance company to the state attorney general's office AND the Federal Trade Commission in Washington DC.
Report the reception venue to the AG's office, too. And fight for your rights and get your money back. Don't let them sell you out.
Seriously, don't let people take advantage of you. It's one of the best ways to stay poor.
Never ever part with your money on a dime, so to speak.
There is always somebody out there who is unscrupulous and looking to make money off those under duress. Don't let anybody con you and if in doubt, get professional help -- ask somebody else --- you could have called the FTC in Washington and asked about this, before you gave that finance company --- or the reception venue --- any of your money.
I am willing to bet you paid way too much money for that car.
I am sure you have a trusted mechanic. Ask the mechanic how much money he'd sell that car for, as is right now with the mileage and etcera.
What about a trusted uncle, or a grandfather, or an aunt, or somebody who knows their financial stuff? You could have asked that person for an opinion.
There's also the Blue Book that will give you the estimated dollar amount that a car like that will sell for.
You and your H need financial ed!
Get a financial advisor and subscribe to something like Money magazine. I am sure Suze Orman is still out there; if you can't catch her on TV, there's always the web -- I'm sure you can watch her shows via the net; the links to her shows must be active.
And TRUST YOUR GUT.
If it feels shady, then it probably is.
Why don't you or your husband have any credit? Having good credit is going to help you a LOT in the future, so you will want to work on that. I can't imagine taking out a car loan without credit. The terms of that loan were ridiculous (you should have said no) and having a better credit score would have helped that.
I agree with above^^ that you will want to seek out some financial resources to get your money in order. Dave Ramsey is a popular and effective resource.
ya know that Emergency fund that you read about here? The incident with your car is why you need one!!
I am guessing you are young and had to learn the hard way about things like this.
Yea, I guess so - I just never have heard of a car loan having such a high interest rate....24% is obscene. I'm going to assume that OP also doesn't live in an area where public transportation is an option, otherwise, I would have said that until you can come up with the cash to buy a decent used car, just use public transport and stash money away. That's something I would have done if I was in this situation.
And to the poster who brought up the emergency fund - YES, this is so so important to have. I'm not sure how it can be accomplished by people who are living paycheck to paycheck, but shoot, even setting aside a few hundred $ is better than nothing.....
She just blew 8K on a wedding instead of creating an emergency fund! They have 'enough' money for a fancy wedding, they have plenty for an E-fund. They're just selfish immature children.
And remember:
MONEY is one of the biggies a couple will argue over. The other 2 are sex and religion.
You had no business paying for an $8,000 wedding when you didn't have an extra $1,000 laying around in case of emergency. As far as the extra $1500,you easily could have cancelled, gotten married at the courthouse and then sued to get your money back. Which you then could have spent on a car. Sucks you don't get your dream wedding or whatever but that's life. Sometimes you don't get what you want. Even my 2 year old knows that.How are you even adult enough to get married when neither of you (?!) have any credit? Borrowing money from your employer is just ridiculous. I have no idea why you'd think that was a good idea. Yeah maybe the stuff about the wedding vendor trying to get extra money out of your or your job accusing you of shady financial stuff really is just crappy stuff that you're not at fault for. But the rest of your decisions about money leave me wondering if that's true or if there's more to this than what you've revealed here.
I always associated it w/ people w/ BAD credit, not with people w/ NO credit - but I didn't work on that side, so... who knows.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10