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WWYD re: holidays
I just spent 10 minutes typing up a big long poll and for some reason it didn't post and disappeared!
Michaela has always spent christmas morning with us and the afternoon/evening with her dad. Now that we live 450 miles apart, it's a little difficult to pull that off anymore. Ex and I decided that Michaela was old enough to decided where she wanted to spend the holiday this year and we would both respect whatever decision she made. She took a long time to decide because she was afraid of hurting feelings and finally told me last weekend that she wants to go to her dads house. I knew all along that was the choice she would probably make and was actually hoping she did as they really need to spend some time together. She will be staying there for almost all of her 2 week break.
My only issue us that I'm unsure how we should handle christmas at our house now. We already told Michaela that she won't be getting her gifts from us until after she gets back in January. But, how should we handle Rhian and Reese? Should they get their gifts on christmas day or wait until Michaela comes home? I have great arguements for both sides and would love some advice from you ladies.
Part of me thinks that we should just go with celebrating on christmas day. Michaela needs to know (not as a punishment or anything) that life goes on even when she's not here. Sometimes she's going to miss things because she's somewhere else. Sometimes we're going to do fun things with the younger girls when she's not here. We can't put everything on hold and that her sisters are entitled to celebrate on the same day as most of the other children in this world.
The other part of me say that Rhian and Reese won't know the difference this year because they don't even really know what the holidays are and they can't read a calendar. They won't realize that all the other kids in town are opening up presents and getting new toys. Also, waiting until January would allow us to hold off on gift buying for an extra couple of weeks and let us hit up the post holiday sales.
I'm so conflicted about this and dh is no help at all. He doesn't really care either way and will go along with whatever I decided.
Re: WWYD re: holidays
I have to say I agree with Karissa too! Sorry I'm not original or of much help, but I think she got it! It's a great balance because then the little ones won't wonder and feel left out when Michael is opening gifts in January.
Way to go K! Your pg brain is working! :-)
i have nothing new and brilliant to add besides...have fun!
Ditto everyone else but let me caution on one thing. My SD lives with her mom 2 states away...SD refused to come on a court ordered visit last thanksgiving (not that you would ever allow that) and her mom wouldnt make her or insist she come and basically let her get away with a tantrum and not coming...needless to say we ended up back with attorneys involved, etc. Now SD only comes ordered once a year in summer, we invite her all the time and get no response or a "i thought about it but decided to so something else" type answers. There is no encouragement or support on the other end for her to even want to think about coming here (again not what I see in your post).
The thing her mom does to keep her there is what you describe but much more extreme. When she is with us its all about the many phone calls a day telling her all the fun stuff she is missing, oh sorry we went to the fair but look at this great thing we bought you since you missed it (insert pic message here), oh we had to take your brother to this theme park today b/c he misses you SO much sorry you missed it we missed you, etc...you get the idea.
My point is to just be careful about focusing on her learning that fun things will happen without her b/c it might have consequences such as her not wanting to go to her dad's in the future b/c she will miss stuff at home. That is what we face. Again, not that you would ever intentionally try and make her feel bad for what she is missing but be careful how the lesson you mention comes across to her. I would more focus on 'did you have a good time?', 'look what a fun time we are having with you now that you are back!' and maybe gloss over a bit of what she missed like it wasnt a big deal. It will hopefully make it easier on her the next time she has to decide between the 2 places and not cause her undue stress. Anyways, just a thought from another perspective.