August 2006 Weddings
2Vermont
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Congrats for Trying to Have a Child?
Hi All,
I just wondered what you all thought of this. When I tell people that I am trying to have a child, they congratulate me. Am I missing something here? I think that's odd. Why would they congratulate me for that....before I actually get pregnant?
Thanks.....I thought maybe you guys could shed some light on this.
And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this Rock I will build my Church, and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it.
Re: Congrats for Trying to Have a Child?
That is totally weird. It's not exactly an achievement or notable milestone in your life to go off birth control.
Out of curiosity, is this family or someone who doesn't know you well?
So far it has been people who do not know me well.
This is why when we start trying, I am not going to say a word to anyone
Heck, if I can avoid telling them (Or having them figure it out) when I actually GET pregnant, even better.
People just have the tendency sometimes to say the weirdest, creepiest, most inappropriate things, especially when it comes to conception, pregnancy and childbirth. Everyone has an opinion...
I'm with MD..."Good luck" would be the more reasonable response, but hey...peeps aren't always reasonable.
I guess I should clarify why I would even tell someone this...LOL. It usually comes up when I am explaining why I am leaving my job.
I think it's weird, but maybe they just don't know what to say?
Ditto on people saying inappropriate things. When I told the parents at my school I was pregnant, one of them asked me if I'd conceived while in Spain (she gave me a guidebook for the trip) and said she was glad to have contributed. Ewwww.
I guess I am in the minority, but I think it's a perfectly appropriate thing to say. You shared happy news with them, they share a congratulations to you. I see no harm or foul.
And BTW, CONGRATULATIONS!
Edit: And if you don't want to hear the well wishes, don't share the TTC news.
You could say the same about congratulating someone on an engagement too.
Deciding that you have reached a point in life where you are ready to have a baby is not just any decision, it is perhaps one of the biggest decisions. So yay! Of course, again, you can avoid all this celebratory hoo-haa if you just refrain from making any sort of we-are-having-unprotected-sex-announcement.
If she doesn't think it is a big deal, why is she telling everyone she is trying to TTC? And what are people supposed to say? Break a leg? I think it is odd that she is announcing it.
I am sorry if I came across as not wanting to hear the well wishes. I am not upset by it..I just find it strange. Also, see above as to why I even mention it.
But maybe these people find it strange that you are even sharing such intimate news with them...and they really don't know how to respond. As long as their reaction is not "ewww why would you spawn?" I don't see their reaction as all that strange. I mean you opened the door to begin with; and leaving a job does not require an intimate explanation such as this. Best anyway!
Ah, I see. I would probably avoid mentioning it if at all possible, but I can see how sometimes it might be necessary.
I am sure people don't mean anything but kindness in saying it, but it is kind of a strange thing to say if you think about it. Probably they didn't even think about it, kind of like how when the gate agent tells you "have a nice flight!" I always say "thanks you too!" without thinking.
Ha. ?I'm the type of person who would say "ewww, why would you spawn." ?
I think congrats is weird with engagements, too. ?Maybe I'm the weird one. ?"I'm happy for you" or "best wishes" is more my style. ?I wouldn't be offended at a congrats, but I do think it's weird. ?I promise, though, I don't actually spend time thinking about it. ?This post made me do that.
And apparently best wishes is the appropriate remark for a new bride b/c you don't want to accuse her of an accomplishment of snagging a husband. ?Congrats is for me, best wishes for women. ?So said my Emily Post style gay uncle.
Not telling everyone....but thanks anyway.
I have to just add that I really don't see what is so intimate about saying I'm leaving my stressful job to try to start a family. I'm married....it stands to reason that I'm having sex...why is that so shocking/intimate? It's not like I'm telling them how many times, how we're doing it, yada yada.......geez.
Well, leaving your job to TTC does sound a bit odd given that most people are able to work while TTC. So people probably are not sure how to respond to you. Or, they might just be being nice.
Just not a big deal.
Aren't we snippy?
She said she's leaving a stressful job because they want to start a family. That's a natural time to take stock of your life and what changes you might want to make, like chucking a job that produces more stress than its worth.
Yeah, ditto. Alisa, is everything okay?
2V, while I understand, especially from what you've shared with us, why you'd be leaving your job to start a family, that isn't usually what people do when they try to have a kid. ?They get knocked up first, then leave. ?So people may just be surprised. ?I doubt you've told them you don't like the job much to begin with and were thinking about quitting anyway. ?
But I'm with you that it's not really all that weird to share you're trying to start a family. ?FFS, people ask us often enough if we are. ?I'm sure they ask you, too. ?While I think it's an incredibly rude question to ask a couple, I don't think it's a big deal to share. ?Really all you're sharing is that you're not taking the pills anymore. ?I don't know if I'd share, just because I'd hate all the followup questions if it took time, but in the context of the conversations you've had, I think it's pretty normal.
I don't think of starting a family as "good" news. ?I just think it's news. ?No adjective necessary. ?It's no better or worse than not starting a family, but good news implies, at least to me, an improvement in a situation. ?So maybe that's why I think it's weirder than others do to congratulate someone.
I disagree. I think it is good news, just as getting married (or engaged), getting a new job or taking a trip to somewhere exotic is considered good news. If someone's decided to start a family, it's probably because it's something they want and now they're at a point where they're able to do it. Having children is a happy thing for people who want that, so it's generally considered good news when a couple who wants it decides to do it.?
All those examples you give, though, are things that are actually happening. ?You don't congratulate people when they say then want to take a trip or want a new job or want to get married. ?You congratulate them when they actually do it. ?I see it as the same with kids. ?
Would you really think it's a happy thing if a hypothetical couple is young and unemployed, and they say they want kids? ?Or how about a couple who thinks a kid will save their marriage? ?I wouldn't. ?I'm certainly happy for friends who want kids and succeed, and I'm happy for those on this board who are in the same boat. ?And I'll congratulate them when they get pregnant and have a healthy birth. ?I just wouldn't say anything before that point.
No but you would congratulate someone who just got engaged or just booked a big trip, wouldn't you, even though the event hadn't taken place yet? And even if I think someone's engagement is a horrible idea, or their idea of an exciting, life's dream trip is taking their RV across rural Alabama to visit the world's largest q-tip, if they were happy about it, I would still congratulate them or at least say something nice.?
If you think the comments you are getting now are weird, wait until you are pg. You are going to hear some Very. Strange. And. Inappropriate. Things.
If you want examples, let me know. I have a treasure trove to share.
And FWIW, my response would be "best wishes and have fun!"