FAM/NFP question

aggiebug · September 2013

So my H and I are looking to TTC starting in about 6 months, but due to some hormone induced migraines my gyn and I have decided it is probably best to stop BCP to see if it alleviates -or at least reduces- my headaches. So here I am BCP free and with an H that is not ready to get pregnant.

I have been away for FAM for a while but I just purchased TCoYF and have started reading it. My questions are how long did it take before you were confident about your cycles? Did you use condoms consistently that whole time before you were confident? If you were doing NFP did you just abstain for several months?

While I haven't ever charted and I didn't entirely understand CF I knew what it was and how it changed. So I am pretty confident I am charting correctly at this point if that makes sense. I obviously don't know my pattern and what it means yet since I haven't charted long enough, but I know dry is dry and sticky is sticky etc so would you feel confident in not needing to use protection this early in charting if you are dry?

My H is completely on board with going off BCP for my health reasons, but very unsure of the whole process. I want to make him more comfortable that certain times are ok otherwise he would probably go 3-4 months before he would be ok having sex! crazy man. I know there is still a lot I don't know and we will be extra cautious for now, but H is also unsure of condoms (having always relied on BCP he hasn't had to use them) so its making things difficult.

Panderp · September 2013

Hmm, especially since you're just coming off the pill, things may be a bit wonky. It will likely take several cycles to figure out your "normal". Truthfully, it may take you one month or it may take you 6 months to get back to normal. I would say that if you have 3 months in a row of fairly similar charts, then you've got an idea.

I would not feel comfortable TTA using CM as my best indicator. You really need a combo of CM, temp and cervical position to be sure (the more factors you have, the more confident you can be).

If he's not ready, condoms are your best bet until you figure out what your fertile window looks like.

aggiebug · September 2013

Thanks. Since my H seems to be afraid of condoms I guess he will be waiting 6 months until he is ok with me getting pregnant. My regular off pills is seemingly quite erratic (based purely on menstruation) so I am not thinking this is going to be a quick process.

My basic thought process was not so much as an indicator of ovulation but dry is not hospitable to sperm so in that sense no matter if I have ovulated they couldn't survive?

aggiebug · September 2013

I am reading full steam ahead but I am only on ch5 so forgive me if some of this info in is the book.

islandmonkey8 · September 2013

I agree with panderp. Also, could you you other non-hormonal BC as a backup instead of avoiding sex for 6 months? That would make me bonkers! What about a diaphragm and/or spermicide?

Panderp · September 2013

Sperm can be resilient. If he is deadset on no baby now, abstinence or condoms.

aggiebug · September 2013

Thanks ladies I appreciate the help.

I am a ok with non hormonal BCP but H is having a difficult time with it. Which honestly is making things stressful for me since I feel guilty for the situation.

spongebobsquarepanties · September 2013

Everything pp said. Also, is there a particular reason why h won't use condoms? It just seems like a small effort on his part considering everything you've had and have to do. I wouldn't want to punish myself with abstinence.

GoodWolf · September 2013

I would try using a diaphragm. My H doesn't 'like' condoms either (they really interfere, on a physical level...), so that's what we use. Haven't gotten pregnant in over two years of using it. Just make sure you always use spermicide with it. Because yes, it will take time to normalize and have FAM be a reliable method for BC.
I feel you though, I know my cycles really well (I've charted and tracked CM/CP for as long as I've been using the diaphragm - 2+ years) and my H still is very adimant about always using the diaphragm even when I know it's safe not to.
Good luck!

aggiebug · September 2013

I really don't know why. He has never had to use anything because it's always been my responsibility. I think it just makes him nervous for some reason.

We will get there I am sure.

Apollo11235 · September 2013

I'm in my 5th cycle off BCP/on FAM. We used condoms every time until after I confirmed my second ovulation, then I felt confident using the post-O rules in TCOYF (3rd high temp + 4th day after peak = safe until CD1). I'm still not really ready to use the dry day rule (we just use condoms until the post-O rules apply), but we're using the "first three days" rule - instead of 5 -since I don't have enough cycle history to be sure that I qualify for the first 5 days rule (which I think would be fine given these last 4 cycles).

In our situation, we're about 8 months away from TTC, but I'm the one who's most concerned with TTA right now. DH (not-so-) secretly hopes we'll just say "eff it" one day during my fertile window and end up pg, while I want to continue saving and paying off student loans for some time before I feel comfortable making a baby. So I've been fairly conservative with FAM, in my opinion.

Would YH be willing to read parts of TCOYF to understand why you're safe on certain days? Perhaps, like me, he would be most comfortable with he post-O rules at first, so you only have to abstain or use some other form of BC about half the time. If you can show him several charts in the book, explain and/or have him read why you're safe after O, and then show him that your chart has a clear temp rise and CM has dried up, he may be more comfortable with the process.

Panderp · September 2013

Your responsibility? Isn't it easier to disarm the weapon than wear a bulletproof vest?

LuckyAngel07 · September 2013

He's a grown man. Tell him to put on his big boy boxers and learn to use condoms. It's not hard. They're just different, and the sensation will take a little getting used to.

Alternatively, you can use a diaphragm.

aggiebug · September 2013

Well it has been my responsibility since I was on BCP. We have discussed that and he acknowledges his part in it all, but he just hasn't had to worry and right now it's easier for him to abstain than use a condom.

He honestly would be willing to read TCoYF but he is dealing with masters classes so he doesn't have time. He is really happy I am reading it and happy to listen to anything I have to say about it. Just have to work on the rest of the kinks right now.

BruinsBabe33 · September 2013

Yeah, BC is up to both partners not just you. I kind of think it is silly that he would rather not have sex for 6 months than wear a condom.

aggiebug · September 2013

I am making H sound inconsiderate and a douche. He really is far FAR from that he just doesn't have knowledge which makes him hesitant. I am trying to help gather knowledge so we are both more comfortable.

Panderp · September 2013

It's more than silly. It's ridiculous and selfish.

BruinsBabe33 · September 2013

Then he should be working of educating himself. You two should be in this together abstaining for 6 months because he doesn't want to be bothered to educate himself or come up with an alternative is really selfish. I'm not saying he is a giant doucher all of the time, but he is being one in this sense.

Panderp · September 2013

I would use a condom for you, Bruins.

aggiebug · September 2013

BruinsBabe33 said:
Yeah, BC is up to both partners not just you. I kind of think it is silly that he would rather not have sex for 6 months than wear a condom.

That was probably an exaggeration on my part. I have hit an emotional wall today and it came out. I doubt it will take long for us to find something that will work for us.

BruinsBabe33 · September 2013

Panderp said:
I would use a condom for you, Bruins.

That's probably the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me. I'm tearing up!

spongebobsquarepanties · September 2013

I get that maybe he is nervous because he's never used one. Have you put one on anyone before? Maybe you could put it on for him at first?

Also, you could always look into a diaphragm if it makes things easier for both of you. Although I would find it to be a turn off.

I really think your h needs to figure out the condom thing. It's not really fair that you are doing all these thinfs in preparation and tta, but he can't wear a rubber. It is also not fair that he says he would rather abstain. What about your needs?

I get that your h is unsure but maybe you could help him figure it out. I'm sure your h will be fine with it. You will pro ably figure out your cycles in a few months, so it's not like he would have to wear them a lot. Also, if you have a son, h will probably need to teach him how to put one on so that he hhas safe sex. So, your h should learn, either way.

aggiebug · September 2013

H is my only partner so neither of us have experience so I am not much help with that. But I am willing to help where I can.

This is also the first day off pills so when I say this is new it's really new and very sudden. I think I am going to just get some condoms and give it to him. When he is ready they will be there.

spongebobsquarepanties · September 2013

I'm sure he will come around to itwhen he is in the mood for some action. Just wanted to add that I think it's great that you are educating yourself and being so responsible about tta and ttc. Good luck charting your cycles. I agree with pps that you should chart basal body temperature, cervical positioning and cm.

aggiebug · September 2013

I am doing temp too and may start cp I just hadn't gotten there in the book. It's just way to early to see any trends. All I know is I my cf is dry now which is what I asked the original question :-).

Apollo11235 · September 2013

aggiebug said:

I am doing temp too and may start cp I just hadn't gotten there in the book. It's just way to early to see any trends. All I know is I my cf is dry now which is what I asked the original question :-).

With regards to your original question, then, no. I wouldn't feel comfortable, or recommend, using any part of FAM without having read TCOYF at least a couple times to fully grasp all the rules and the reasons they work.

spongebobsquarepanties · September 2013

aggiebug said:

So my H and I are looking to TTC starting in about 6 months, but due to some hormone induced migraines my gyn and I have decided it is probably best to stop BCP to see if it alleviates -or at least reduces- my headaches. So here I am BCP free and with an H that is not ready to get pregnant.

I have been away for FAM for a while but I just purchased TCoYF and have started reading it. My questions are how long did it take before you were confident about your cycles? Did you use condoms consistently that whole time before you were confident? If you were doing NFP did you just abstain for several months?

While I haven't ever charted and I didn't entirely understand CF I knew what it was and how it changed. So I am pretty confident I am charting correctly at this point if that makes sense. I obviously don't know my pattern and what it means yet since I haven't charted long enough, but I know dry is dry and sticky is sticky etc so would you feel confident in not needing to use protection this early in charting if you are dry?

My H is completely on board with going off BCP for my health reasons, but very unsure of the whole process. I want to make him more comfortable that certain times are ok otherwise he would probably go 3-4 months before he would be ok having sex! crazy man. I know there is still a lot I don't know and we will be extra cautious for now, but H is also unsure of condoms (having always relied on BCP he hasn't had to use them) so its making things difficult.

In my defense, there are several original questions, op. I will be sure to address each.

1.Confident after charting 4 months.

2. Yes, condoms

3. No abstinence. Just condoms. Why punish yourself?

4. I wouldn't go without protection in my first couple months. You are just learning your body.

aggiebug · September 2013

I wasn't trying to be rude at all with my last statement. I hope you didn't think so. I greatly appreciate all your advice and wisdom. Thank you.

spongebobsquarepanties · September 2013

Also, eventually when you start to see the patterns on your chart, you will feel more confident that you can go without protection, so I would wait until then. Post period sis good until you get ewcm.post o, a a few days later is good. Statistically, nfp is notnas efficient as other forms of bc.

islandmonkey8 · September 2013

You and your husband should look at this... http://m.wikihow.com/Use-a-Condom

Easy.

pistolpackinmomma · September 2013

Also sign up for fertilityfriend.com to take some of the guess work out of your charts. My H liked that I could show him that the computer agrees with me that I had ovulated and it was "safe" at that time.

FAM/NFP question

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