I have problems, I can't get over my husbands ex

Re: I have problems, I can't get over my husbands ex

• GilliC member

  

  August 2013

  
  

  cloudymeatballs said:

  Okay, I am fine with letting this go.  I have worked on it.  I still am.  As of now, I have been trying to be supportive of his job, trying to get a feel and understand what it is exactly he does.  We still are learning.  The thing I think why these things do not get dropped is he freaks out anytime I ask him any sort of question at all about work.  I mean anything.  I will ask him how his day went, and how a meeting went or whatever, where he had to go and he flips out on me.  I am trying to talk with my H about is day and about his job. I want to be a supportive wife when it comes to everything.  I want him to be able to talk with me about work, about people he works with and all that. 

  Why does he still get so defensive when I am getting over this hump and I am trying to move forward.  He keeps these things fresh in my mind.  I will ask about something so innocent, totally normal types of things that people talk about and he gets so upset.  How do we move past this when I am trying and he is still on the defensive side?  How can we communicate when he wont let it be a conversation and he needs to cause an argument about anything I ask about work?  I want to be a part of that part of his life, in some aspect.  I would love to know more about that part of his life and not feel so far away..  Does that make me an insecure woman?  I mean, is there something wrong with what I am doing here???

  This sounds like a whole new set of problems.

  
  

  If you ask him how his day went and he goes off on you for it, you have bigger issues than just being insecure about his ex.  I'm sorry, but it sounds like counseling or splitting up.

  
  

  "Hi, honey! How was your day?" should not be a reason to fight.

  

  Report1 Reply
• cloudymeatballs member

  

  August 2013

  No shiz!!!!  He claims that I am attacking him with this.  I am so far from doing that.  I am trying NOT to do this.  I mean, I understand how he can get upset with me about the other stuff, I would get annoyed too.  But this, how can I just ask a simple question and him feel that I don't trust him over that??  Iknow, we are having a really difficult time finding the right way of communicating..  I really don't get how that has changed somehow since we have gotten married.  It hasn't even been  year yet!    We were so great at talking, I mean, we were best friends.  I don't get what has happened...  Why after we got married has all of this changed?  Its like, we got married, and I am not allowed to ask questions about anything!  It is extremely frustrating and it hurts.  It really hurts...

     

  Report0 Reply
• kss20 member

  

  September 2013

  I feel like men are taught their whole lives that women nag nag nag.  And... to be honest... it's true to some extent.  But often times innocent questions get a negative reaction because our guy's assume it's an attack.  Just talk to him about it.  Tell him that you really are trying to make a conscious effort to not attack or harass him, but you need him to realize this and calm down when you are just asking about his day.  Tell him to let you know when he feels like you crossed a line and you can do the same.  Just keep communication open.

  Report0 Reply