Married Life
Snickerboo
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Job over Marriage?
in Married Life
Hi, I only been married a few months and before Hubby and I were married, we had our ups and downs but only like any other relationship. He is everything to me. I respect him and want to support him in any way I can. It wasn't until after we were married, Hubby tells me that above all things, his JOB is most important. And believe me, I know it's important when you have all these bills and expenses to pay for. Well, one night recently I was upset about something...and naturally as a female I was crying about it. I was going to sleep in another room so I wouldn't disturb him but he told me to stay in the same room. As expected, my crying kept him awake. Days later he told me again that work was his top priority, but he went further more to make it clear to me that "Making enough money for bills is most important and if I'm preventing him from proper sleep for him to go to work, I must go."
Then, I kid you not...He said that if I am preventing him from working or if I am even affecting his job, he is getting a divorce.
Then, I kid you not...He said that if I am preventing him from working or if I am even affecting his job, he is getting a divorce.
So I suppose he truly does love his job more then me...I want to be helpful to him and support him...but it hurts me to know that he would actually leave me if I messed up.
Is there anyone else out there that has a spouse who puts their work as top priority, even over you? If so, how do you cope with it? I am trying to be understanding to him but it really hurts me to know he wants a divorce because he thinks I'm in the way of his work.
And I'm not. Sometimes I have things going on and I need to talk with him, and that's natural. When he gets home, everyday I ask how his day was and if there is anything I can do. I support him fully. Why would he suggest a divorce over something like this? It made me think that possibly something else was going on but everything else seems fine...
Re: Job over Marriage?
Before you were married -- better yet, when you were thinking of marriage --- didn't you and he dicuss all vital issues, before the 2 of you decided to get serious and get married???
You should have.
If you knew that his job would command most of his attention and time and you knew that was the fact when you started dating him, how come now this is an issue with you? Did you somehow think he'd turn into a 9 to 5 guy once you got married?
Or if you did, and he agreed to make time for you after you were married --- and he's giving you this kind of a story now, he pretty much didn't uphold what he agreed regarding his job.
What does he do for a living? I am curious.
Yes his job is important -- as is yours -- but top priority over you???? You didn't get married to sign onto that agreement!
You need to sit down with him and have another talk --- do not do it now --- wait another week or so and then have a discussion and do it at a time when you and he have time to talk about the subject extensively.
If he is telling you now that he will more or less *never be home* and will be *working around the clock* because his job is a priority, not so good. What about you??? You guys just got married.
This is a crucial adjustment time --- when is he going to spend time with you?
Either he doesn't have a way to adequately handle an issue like an adult --- or something is funky indeed and he's got a card he ain't showing.
He cannot pull the divorce card because of his job --- and what do you mean, if you "mess up"? That's why I say this is bananas.
This alone tells me he's either got his priorities insanely screwed up or he's just looking for an out for some other reason and thinks a job is a convenient excuse. Either way if my husband said that to me, he's have two options. Either go to couples counseling and try to get on the same page about priorities and expectations or get the fuck out and go marry his job.
(and if this is how he feels about his wonderful and rigid work ethic, perhaps he should have chosen to remain a single working slob)
The busiest of doctors still have time for their families. What's with him?
Let him say "I want out" and GO!!!!!
She needs to sit down and talk to him. Either he is looking for a handy way out or he can't handle a conflict like an adult and solve it in tandem with his partner, aka HIS WIFE!!!
So what is so sacred and so fantastic that she is "not allowed" to rain on his employment parade? Dying to know what he does for a living -- and as I said, the busiest and most successful of doctors still have time for a family. The Pope and the Pres are not that busy, either -- what's his game?
"A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"