Pittsburgh Nesties
Luckystar2
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Moms:help.kids getting ready
Getting dd ready in the morning has always been a challenge. But now trying to make it to the bus is so stressful! Dd has been doing ok but very morning I am on her with do this do that...we only have x amount of time, etc. the first week there was the novelty of it and now this week is worse. Plus she complains about being tired (we are doing the best we can to get her to bed on time).
This morning she would not get ready! Kept fighting with her to get dressed. Literally we were trying to put on her socks and shoes for her and she just kicks them off. We made it just as the bus pulls up and she wouldn't go on. Dh had to physically put her on the bus. I'm sure she is crying the whole way and will be upset at school.
We do a reward chart. I threaten to take away her new toy that she got for starting K (and I follow through). Nothing works with her. She is just so stubborn. I am so worn down from this all the time, I seriously hate the mornings and want to cry right now (well I have been crying). I'm at my wits end trying to deal with dd. she makes me want to throw my hands up and pull my hair out. Not only is it stressful and frustrating but I feel like it damages our relationship. It's hard not to be downright mad at her. I was SO angry with her this morning. And all of this.makes dh and I mad at each other, etc. UGH!
Re: Moms:help.kids getting ready
Last night was late because we went to parent group which ran late. So I understand she is tired but life happens and some mornings she will be. I just have no idea how to reason with her!!
I like the idea of making her get all ready before she goes down to eat but she definitely prefers eating first so I feel like its picking my battles! Today she ate first. She doesn't get tv in the morning at all. We used to try it as a reward but it ends up backfiring. If I let her watch while she eats, she takes forever. If I let her watch after she is all ready she throws a fit when it's time to shut it off and go.
H wakes up slowly and T wakes up quickly. DH wakes the kids while I'm in the shower and puts a show on for them. When I get out of the shower he pauses the show and they have 10-15 minutes to get dressed. If they take too long, they don't get to finish the show.
We have a list on the wall of what is supposed to happen at what time. Sometimes it helps, though not often.
The hardest part of the morning is once we go downstairs. T is a slow eater, plus the kids have to go back upstairs to brush their teeth after. Then there are shoes, coats, bags, etc.
It is annoying to spend the whole morning reminding them what they should be doing next. My patience is thin and push back drives me batty...but we just keep at it!
I always tell dd if she gets ready fast she can watch a show before we leave. If breakfast is going to long (that kid can stretch a meal out forever) I will set a timer. Most mornings I feel like a broken record. Let's go, we're going to be late...
Don't feel like you are doing anything wrong. Getting kids up and out the door is not a fun task..
Why do you feel inadequate? Do you expect that one day she'll wake up like "Woo hoo! Morning's here! Time for school! Let me rush to get ready and out the door!"? Do you expect that any one method will work and change how she is in the mornings? Because personally, I don't think that's realistic, and if that's what your expectations are, then it's no wonder you are frustrated! You are a good mom, you just have a child who is stubborn and isn't good at mornings!
For me, it's always been about managing my reaction to his resistance vs. trying to control the outcome that I want. I try to maintain a calm, gentle, and consistent routine, I try not to let him see me get anxious, I don't tell him to hurry up, etc. Don't get me wrong, sometimes this sucks and I want to scream at the top of my lungs for him to get dressed and out the f'ing door! But, I find if I really focus on myself and my reaction, it helps - that way, even if we're running late, the levels of frustation and stress don't always get too out of control. Even if it doesn't help him move any faster, it at least helps me to not want to run to the nearest bar by 8am!
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
I don't expect her to be excited to get ready but I expect her to listen to us. We have been doing this for 5 years so its not new to her. It is what it is and she needs to make it to the bus on time. She doesn't have to like it but she does have to get ready.
I just feel so lost when she literally won't get dressed no matter what we say. I just don't know how we could have approached it today. I feel horrible with her crying being forced on the bus. But she has to get on the bus.
I also feel frustrated that no matter how much we follow through it doesn't matter. I asked her the other night and she says she believes I will follow through on punishments (ie taking toys away) but she just can't stop herself. Ugh! So I feel like punishments don't work so we do rewards and reward charts too and they don't.
Just feeling very down about it after today!
2 - Try to remember that she isn't calculating ways to make you miserable and push your buttons. She lacks impulse control, she's going through one of the biggest changes in her life so far and she has very little control over her day to day circumstances. Keep talking with her at night about how things need to go in the morning, keep talking with her about how K is making her feel.
3 - Since she has so little choice in day to day stuff, maybe pick an upcoming day when she can have more control. Find an empty weekend day and let her be in charge. She chooses if and when to get dressed, if and when to leave the house, what to play, when to eat, etc. And if she gives you push back on a school morning remind her that on day X she can choose not to get dressed, but for today it is necessary.
Hugs!
It's funny reading the different personality traits, bc I can see similar ones in the boys. Conall jumps right out bed in the morning, but is a slow eater and someone I have to tell 10x to get dressed. Focus is his issue - I tell him to get his shoes and he goes in and wakes Sean instead. :-S
Gavin drags butt getting out bed, complains about having to go to school, etc.
I tried the whole rewards system - they get a cartoon AFTER they eat and get dressed. We had no problem with it, but they ended up with like 10 minutes, so I just cut it out completely.
We're now into week 4 and every morning the boys are sitting up, or already out of bed, by the time I went in. Nice surprise! I'm not sure if it's that we're all finally adjusting or the fact that I took them to a fun indoor play place last Friday night and they asked me to go again this weekend if they are good. I told them that we would as long as they don't give me any issues about getting out of bed and behave in school. Whatever it is, I'll take it.
One random thought - can you ignore her when she acts out, maybe? When Conall refuses to get dressed, I get up and walk away and tell him that's it's ok if he goes to school in his pjs then. That usually causes a meltdown, but then he gets up and starts moving.
Hang in there, Momma!
My three sons!
Oh April - I feel your pain re: "lack patience" - I've screamed more in the past 3 months than in the prior 6 years of being a Mom. I'm definitely not proud - and I have found that screaming gets me nowhere - well, except the one day I went bs crazy and the kids' eyes nearly popped out of their heads. Gavin couldn't have been any sweeter for days after that MomOscar-nominated scene...
I've found that ignoring the negative act tends to get them moving, albeit usually with a pout on their face bc they are being ignored. Conall is incredibly stubborn - to the point where we've had to use reverse psychology on him to eat (ie. "Do NOT eat that - I only put it on your plate so that I can eat it. It had BETTER be there when I return from the kitchen."). I'm also of the "If I jump, you ask 'how high'" mentality - Gavin follows that, Conall, not so much.
Dh deals with it much better than I do and usually has no struggles getting the kid to listen, while I sit in a corner rocking, hugging my knees, and sucking on throat lozengers.
My three sons!
I think it's pretty safe to say most of us have been at this point. Don't let one day (or one part of the day) make you feel like that. I was just a patient person before I had kids but now I feel like some day I've used up all the patience in the first 10 minutes of the morning. Just know you are not a crappy mom!