What is "offensive " long

BruinsBabe33 · September 2013

Don't be sad! Stop lurking and then you won't have to feel sad anymore! Yay!

Aimothy · September 2013

...but yet here you are. You love us and the drama.

Aimothy · September 2013

poppies717 said:

@amandaf6383 I am loving you right now. Holy shit are spot on with my frustration of doing everything "right" an still being broken. I loved you before, but I think I'm now IN love. ;-)

She's mine. Step off.

poppies717 · September 2013

poppies717 said:

@amandaf6383 I am loving you right now. Holy shit are spot on with my frustration of doing everything "right" an still being broken. I loved you before, but I think I'm now IN love. ;-)

She's mine. Step off.

nfp147 · September 2013

MH1006 said:

You people are just awful. It really is sad to watch.

No I'm not.

Thanks for understanding.

Aimothy · September 2013

@poppies717

amandaf6383 · September 2013

poppies717 said:

poppies717 said:

@amandaf6383 I am loving you right now. Holy shit are spot on with my frustration of doing everything "right" an still being broken. I loved you before, but I think I'm now IN love. ;-)

She's mine. Step off.

Omg I am so incredibly ready to nail...i mean cuddle...with both of you.

LittleLady77 · September 2013

I love this board I've been on it for years and I still lurk daily. I will say I have a hard time knowing when it's appropriate for me to comment or not comment. I still want to support the ladies I care about etc but I don't feel like I can participate in every discussion even when I want to. It's really not that easy to know what's appropriate and usually I error on the side of caution and don't post.

Aimothy · September 2013

Why can't you say the things you would have said before you got a baby in your belly? This is not a hard concept.

ILoveRedVino · September 2013

I think there is nothing offensive about being supportive.

BioGirl21 · September 2013

Maybe she feels weird with the ticker? I don't think I've ever seen anyone say anything on this board, but on other boards some people are very offended/saddened by just seeing tickers about pregnancy.

BruinsBabe33 · September 2013

@Littlelady77 here is where I am at. (Pr) When I first got my BFP I was nervous that it would change how I interact with the girls on the board. I would say I might have even been apprehensive to post because I wanted to be sensitive. Then I thought about all of the people who I had cheered on and supported and then they just up and left after their BFP and that stinging feeling came back. These ladies are my friends, they have supported me through so very much and how shitty of a person would I be if I left because I felt uncomfortable? Was there a period of adjustment? Yes, there was, but that happens with any life change. I am still friends with my best friend even though she isn't married. My life isn't completely occupied by pregnancy. I still have political views, I like to joke, I have a wealth of information about TTC and I feel like I can help people and that's what this board is about. It is a community and communities change over time, yes, but the core of it doesn't. And at my core I love these women. The ones who are struggling with IF, the ones who are pursuing adoption, the ones who don't struggle, The ones that are lucky enough to get their BFP. Not posting on here would go against who I am as a person. I keep PR stuff off of the board, but I still offer support, still participate in discussions. I don't feel like my nesting experience is lacking because I am not talking about pregnancy online. There was more to me than just TTc before I got pregnant, and there is more to me now.

LittleLady77 · September 2013

Aimothy said:

Why can't you say the things you would have said before you got a baby in your belly? This is not a hard concept.

When I first posted after my BFP I got a few comments along the lines of "you say that now that you're pregnant" etc. It didn't bother me really but it made me very aware that I might be making it harder for others here. I distinctly remember what infertility is like, it's the hardest thing I've personally ever had to live through. I don't know, maybe it's my own IF brain but I try to be super careful of other ladies' feelings. I know how much it hurts.

LittleLady77 · September 2013

@BruinsBabe33 I think you more than anyone else live by this and that's great. I think it's wonderful you feel that way. A lot of ladies who get BFPs don't stick around quite as much as you and I get why. There is an adjustment period and you do feel the need to be careful. When I read the post about how most inappropriate things come from the ladies who are pregnant I just wanted to say its not really that easy to know when it's appropriate and when it's not. @iloveredvino I do provide support and I never feel bad about that... Especially for you lady!

nightmare_of_beauty · September 2013

I just wanted to say that I get where LittleLady is coming from. I lurk on here more now that I use to because I don't want to upset anyone. I try to keep giving support because I know how much everyone's support meant to me. And like BioGirl said I was worried that the ticket would be a problem. There are so many amazing women on here that I think about and pray for constantly. You are all truly amazing.

ILoveRedVino · September 2013

I get it too. It isn't a flameful question at all.

sgautschi · September 2013

I feel the same way as LL and Nighmare. I am always thinking of every one of you on here and always wishing you all the best because you all truly deserve it, and my heart sinks with every failed cycle I see because it's just not fair and I hate seeing you amazing ladies go through such pain.

I am afraid to post at times though, more so right after my BFP than now, because I didn't know if it would be hurtful to see my ticker, or even my name, especially since I wasn't part of this community for very long beforehand. I didn't know if continuing to post like nothing happened would come off as insensitive. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone, so I tried to tread lightly.

I have learned though by watching Bruins that it's very possible to still be a more active part of this community. So I've been jumping back in and I really hope you ladies don't mind. I really want to be able to offer support to all of you, because you all are so amazing!

amandaf6383 · September 2013

BruinsBabe33 said:

@Littlelady77 here is where I am at. (Pr) When I first got my BFP I was nervous that it would change how I interact with the girls on the board. I would say I might have even been apprehensive to post because I wanted to be sensitive. Then I thought about all of the people who I had cheered on and supported and then they just up and left after their BFP and that stinging feeling came back. These ladies are my friends, they have supported me through so very much and how shitty of a person would I be if I left because I felt uncomfortable? Was there a period of adjustment? Yes, there was, but that happens with any life change. I am still friends with my best friend even though she isn't married. My life isn't completely occupied by pregnancy. I still have political views, I like to joke, I have a wealth of information about TTC and I feel like I can help people and that's what this board is about. It is a community and communities change over time, yes, but the core of it doesn't. And at my core I love these women. The ones who are struggling with IF, the ones who are pursuing adoption, the ones who don't struggle, The ones that are lucky enough to get their BFP. Not posting on here would go against who I am as a person. I keep PR stuff off of the board, but I still offer support, still participate in discussions. I don't feel like my nesting experience is lacking because I am not talking about pregnancy online. There was more to me than just TTc before I got pregnant, and there is more to me now.

Xan921 · September 2013

Maybe I'm dense but how does getting a BFP make it hard to wish people good luck, tell people you're sorry when they get bad news, participate in clicky poll Wednesday? Maybe I'm missing something.

I've been on this board for over a year and a half now and honestly when I first started posting and would notice ladies getting upset about those who got their BFP and then only randomly pop in I didn't get what the big deal was, but the longer I'm here and the more friendships I've built, the more I really start to get it.

Now when someone gets a BFP and posts that they 'aren't going anywhere' or that we 'can't get rid of them' I just roll my eyes because some of the people who have been very active on this board since I started posting are now gone, don't post at all or only come out when there's drama.. it's stupid. Don't be fake. I'm so happy for all of those who have gotten their BFP's but being pregnant or having a baby doesn't mean you can't still be a friend.

LittleLady77 · September 2013

@xan912 I personally don't have a hard time with any of those things and I do them all regularly. It's participating in conversations/debates like this one that I sometimes avoid. Honestly, it just my opinion that I try to be careful and that's why I'm not always as active but its comments like yours that make me want to go away and not come back.

sgautschi · September 2013

@Xan I think, at least for me, I was overthinking how I would be perceived by continuing to post because I was afraid I was no longer wanted, when really if I had just continued to post and be myself (and obviously keep pr stuff on GPM) I would've been accepted more as part of the community than I was by just by lurking and randomly posting. I hope that made sense. I guess I didn't realize that randomly posting makes me look like a flaky source of support, even though I'm always reading all of GPs posts and thinking of you all, so I've been trying to become more active and I really hope to become part of this community again as a reliable source of support.

ILoveRedVino · September 2013

Honestly, I've been in both places and not in the normal order. I get it. It is hard to be a part of conversations without there being the "elephant in the room." The second you are pregnant, you aren't infertile anymore. It changes things. You can offer support, but it's different. It is being sympathetic, but not understanding. I mean, even if you had a battle to get pregnant, that changes the second the second line shows up. It's just different. Bruins has done a really good job, as did caseyandlizzie, mrads, thedeatons, and probably others who I am forgetting. But that isn't the norm.

I love it when grads stick around. But I do understand the hesitancy.

Xan921 · September 2013

@Littlelady77, that wasn't directed towards you, it was just a general statement about something I've noticed throughout the time I've been here. You're an incredible person and have been a very good friend and support system the entire time I've been on this board. I tend to stay out of the debates as well but something hit a nerve for me with this one.

sgautschi · September 2013

@ILRV You explained it pretty well. I think also, for me, I was more hesitant because I didn't struggle with IF. I knew I had endometriosis working against me, but I didn't have the same struggles as many ladies on here and I feel slightly guilty for that. And I didn't want my support to come off as insincere because I couldn't relate.

Xan921 · September 2013

I get the hesitancy. I understand that it might be awkward. I just don't like the "I'm not going anywhere" bullshit and then two days after someone gets their BFP they are gone and don't come back. It's a slap in the face.

Xan921 · September 2013

sgautschi, I'm glad that you'll be around more

LittleLady77 · September 2013

I have tried to be supportive but it's really hard to balance posting my thoughts and being sensitive to others. I think I do a decent job at it but to be called flaky and fake for being careful is really annoying.

amandaf6383 · September 2013

Totally agree @Xan921. I would respect people more if they were honest. I also want to shoutout @madeline10L. She's been nothing but supportive and active on this board throughout her entire pregnancy.

sgautschi · September 2013

Xan921 said:
I get the hesitancy. I understand that it might be awkward. I just don't like the "I'm not going anywhere" bullshit and then two days after someone gets their BFP they are gone and don't come back. It's a slap in the face.

I agree. I can totally see where that would be annoying. I hope I never made that false promise, and if I did I'd like to think I am on my way to making up for it.

This really was a good post topic @Cinco, I feel like it helped a lot of us, although I can only speak for me, get on the same page so we can move forward.

AshleyMatt1215 · September 2013

I read all of the posts here, everyday. A lot of the time I don't post because when it comes to TTC I don't have a lot to add. I didn't try long (I regret posting my BFP so quickly, I realize I should have waited.) To be honest I don't know how to answer the majority of the questions asked. I do think of you ladies a lot and I think you're hilarious and wonderful.

Sometimes I worry that I'll say the wrong thing or come off as clueless so I shy away from saying much so I don't offended anyone unintentionally.

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