Engagement troubles?

allisonwaysin · October 2013

Just read a hilarious blog on how to get the guy to pop the question http://bit.ly/GIQMCo

Did anyone else have trouble getting their fiance to propose?!

niabiaxxmoi · October 2013

Yep. Mine took forever making up his mind on whether it was the "right time". Stick it through, though. Once they do make up their minds on their own time, they are generally going to be with you for the long haul.

WendyGR · October 2013

Nope. We were on the same page. I wouldn't have stayed with someone who didn't want to propose if our relationship was headed in that direction.

NavyBlue143 · October 2013

Nope. He proposed 3 months in!

Leftie22 · October 2013

I may be a weirdo, but I don't understand why women are still expected to wait for a guy to propose. I can choose my education, my career, buy a house on my own, but then I can't make a decision about when to get married?? It seemed (and still seems) really primitive and backward to me. I think it should be a joint decision. My DH still did the token proposal, but we had basically already decided together. I also think there's way too much pressure on guys to come up with some amazing proposal idea. I would much rather the proposal was small but from the heart. DH is way more traditional than me, so he wanted to do the surprise proposal, pick the ring himself, etc. Its just not how I roll.

Kimbus22 · October 2013

No. I wouldn't want to marry someone I had to convince. That seems unnecessary.

GilliC · October 2013

Kimbus22 said:

No. I wouldn't want to marry someone I had to convince. That seems unnecessary.

This is where I'm at. Thankfully this post doesn't seem to be about convincing so much as hinting (even though it says "Hinting doesn't work!" and then proceeds to give suggestions for hinting).

However, I'm also in the camp that there's nothing wrong with talking about it. I would expect to have an open discussion about marriage and future life decisions long before a proposal. I don't see what's so wrong with "What are your thoughts on marriage?" as an opening to a discussion. And if you're afraid that might scare him off, maybe you should rethink the guy instead of marrying him.

allisonwaysin · October 2013

I agree with having an open discussion. You can't go wrong with communication at the end of the day. I thought this blog post was the funniest and most helpful I have read thus far. I read one blog which suggested actually going out and flirting with other men to make him jealous!

Leftie22 · October 2013

I just read the article, and I'm not sure you want to take advice such as "look hot" (their words, for real!) take cooking classes, and stop hanging out with your friends as much. Good lord.

allisonwaysin · October 2013

Hi Leftie,

I could see how that would come off, but I didn't take it as look hot all the time. They were advising to take care of yourself, which I do feel is important for your own confidence (which was highlighted). I don't see anything wrong with cooking classes (because I'm a terrible cook and would love to boost that for myself as well as my boyfriend). I don't read where it says stop hanging out with your friends. In fact it said DON'T cancel your girls night, but don't gallivant around town like you did when you were single. All things I agree with.

Just a matter of opinion though.

TarponMonoxide · October 2013

IF you and he have been seriously involved long enough where he hasn't even touched on the topic of marriage and you want to know if marriage is imminent, you need to talk to him.

Every couple is different. Keep that in mind.

DawnLilly · October 2013

My DH kept hinting to me that all I was getting for Christmas was a rock. Back story is that he always gives his mom a pudding stone for her birthday. They are a rare natural stone that she puts in her gardens. We were only dating 8 months. I never felt the need to hint so I guess I don't really understand the concept. There are a lot of happily married couples that dated for much longer than we did though so to each their own.

KitCat1 · October 2013

allisonwaysin said:

Hi Leftie,

I could see how that would come off, but I didn't take it as look hot all the time. They were advising to take care of yourself, which I do feel is important for your own confidence (which was highlighted). I don't see anything wrong with cooking classes (because I'm a terrible cook and would love to boost that for myself as well as my boyfriend). I don't read where it says stop hanging out with your friends. In fact it said DON'T cancel your girls night, but don't gallivant around town like you did when you were single. All things I agree with.

Just a matter of opinion though.

$10 you wrote this article.

anssett · October 2013

No tricking. We talked about it like adults.

katieg520 · October 2013

I think everyone is different and every couple has to do what is right for them. BUT, for me/us, I was not going to wait forever. I am a traditionalist and I believe that it is the man's role to be the leader of the relationship. The man is the head and the woman is the body. He leads our relationship in the direction he feels it needs to go. Therefore, I had to trust and respect his decisions and be patient and wait on the engagement. He did, however, propose much sooner than I thought he would! I was ecstatic!

Janessadawn · October 2013

Leftie22 said:

I also think there's way too much pressure on guys to come up with some amazing proposal idea. I would much rather the proposal was small but from the heart.

Yep. I get kinda annoyed whenever I see the latest huge proposal production viral video. It sets unrealistic expectations and makes guys think they have to pull off a 3-act play, and makes girls think if it's something less ostentatious than it isn't good enough.

My H proposed during a fireworks show over the Savannah river, in Augusta, GA. He didn't get down on one knee. We were sitting there, holding hands and enjoying the show, when all of a sudden he started fiddling in his pocket. It was a private, intimate moment between the two of us, and when it boils down to it an engagement is between just 2 people. Perhaps the folks sitting near us figured out what was going on when I started crying and freaking out and then he handed me a ring, but if they did, they didn't say anything. It was incredibly romantic, probably even more so than if it had been a grandiose performance.

cutiepie0104 · October 2013

Oh goodness! We knew we were going to get married, but he proposed much sooner then I expected by like a year! I wanted a long engagement, but we got married in 6 Months because of his work. I do wonder about women who feel Marriage has to happen at a certain age or point in life.

Leftie22 · October 2013

Janessadawn said:

Leftie22 said:

I also think there's way too much pressure on guys to come up with some amazing proposal idea. I would much rather the proposal was small but from the heart.

Yep. I get kinda annoyed whenever I see the latest huge proposal production viral video. It sets unrealistic expectations and makes guys think they have to pull off a 3-act play, and makes girls think if it's something less ostentatious than it isn't good enough.

My H proposed during a fireworks show over the Savannah river, in Augusta, GA. He didn't get down on one knee. We were sitting there, holding hands and enjoying the show, when all of a sudden he started fiddling in his pocket. It was a private, intimate moment between the two of us, and when it boils down to it an engagement is between just 2 people. Perhaps the folks sitting near us figured out what was going on when I started crying and freaking out and then he handed me a ring, but if they did, they didn't say anything. It was incredibly romantic, probably even more so than if it had been a grandiose performance.

Nice!! That sounds really sweet. My DH proposed while we were walking on a beautiful trail in the mountains, just him and me. It was perfect.

sillygoosegirl · November 2013

More useful to me would have been a blog post about how to get a guy to shut up about an engagement... lol.

DH started pestering me about how I wanted to be proposed to and what kind of ring I wanted long before I was ready to start thinking about stuff like that, let alone thinking about marriage.

Engagement troubles?

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