I feel like I just got punched...

lindsayandjamie · October 2013

Let me start this by saying I have had a very difficult week and day. I had my second beta yesterday and I am anxious to find out if my numbers dropped from 250 from last week test. For those unfamiliar with molar/partial molar pg, they monitor hcg weekly until its negative (less than 5) to confirm the mole is gone. If it stays up, plateaus, or increases after a few weeks of monitoring I need to go on mild chemo. I'll find out my numbers on Monday. I have been on the verge of tears all day for no specific reason. I also started bleeding again today. I don't know if its from the d&c or its my period. No cramps and I haven't o'ed yet, so who knows. Anyway, we went out for dinner with my bro and SIL and they told us she's 9 weeks pregnant. She found out she was pregnant the week I found out I miscarried. Their first baby is 11 months old. I'm happy for them but felt like throwing up after they told me. I couldn't eat and still feel like hyperventilating. I obviously told them I'm genuinely happy for them, and I am, but I feel incredibly sad. Knowing we can't even attempt to get pregnant for a long time is compounding how difficult I am finding their news. They did a good job of being sensitive and I sensed the news was coming but I want to barf. Thanks for listening...I know you girls can sympathize. ETA: sorry about the formatting - iPad

nfp147 · October 2013

So sorry, that news really sucks.

FX for your numbers!

LooneyLife · October 2013

I'm sorry. That's a lot to deal with at the same time.

sgautschi · October 2013

That sucks, what horrible timing to hear that news. I'm glad they were sensitive about it, but I'm sorry you had to hear it.

I'll keep my FX for you that your numbers get here they need to be and that you are able to resume TTC soon.

knitnat28 · October 2013

I'm so sorry about everything you and your husband are going through right now. It seems to me like they should have told you in private a little later on if they were aware of what happened. ((Hugs))

LuckyAngel07 · October 2013

((Hugs)) I don't judge you one bit for feeling that way. It's hard news to hear, especially when you're going through so much right now.

Continued T&Ps that your hcg is going down.

cloudymeatballs · October 2013

Sorry for such a hard week. That's a whole lot at once, sorry girl.... Sending good thoughts n prayers your way. HUGS!!!!!

lindsayandjamie · October 2013

Thanks ladies. I feel selfish for not feeling 100% excited for them, but I am feeling really unstable today. I actually told DH before we left for dinner that I felt like I was have a third-of-my-life crisis (I'm 30 not 45, so mid-life didn't seem appropriate) because I feel so out of control of my emotions and I'm re-evaluating everything in an attempt to gain some control. And I told him I felt so sad and scared... I obviously feel blessed I have my son, but I'm just really scared. Then this news was just the cherry on my shit-tastic sunday.

Uptowngirl2009 · October 2013

I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))

cloudymeatballs · October 2013

lindsayandjamie said:

Thanks ladies. I feel selfish for not feeling 100% excited for them, but I am feeling really unstable today. I actually told DH before we left for dinner that I felt like I was have a third-of-my-life crisis (I'm 30 not 45, so mid-life didn't seem appropriate) because I feel so out of control of my emotions and I'm re-evaluating everything in an attempt to gain some control. And I told him I felt so sad and scared... I obviously feel blessed I have my son, but I'm just really scared. Then this news was just the cherry on my shit-tastic sunday.

Hun, you are not being selfish at all! Take care of yourself.

x

CincodeMayoLove · October 2013

It's okay to be happy for someone but still sad for yourself. I'm sorry you got that news at such a bad time. GL on your numbers and big hugs to you.

poppies717 · October 2013

lindsayandjamie said:

Thanks ladies. I feel selfish for not feeling 100% excited for them, but I am feeling really unstable today. I actually told DH before we left for dinner that I felt like I was have a third-of-my-life crisis (I'm 30 not 45, so mid-life didn't seem appropriate) because I feel so out of control of my emotions and I'm re-evaluating everything in an attempt to gain some control. And I told him I felt so sad and scared... I obviously feel blessed I have my son, but I'm just really scared. Then this news was just the cherry on my shit-tastic sunday.

You have nothing to feel bad about. We are here for venting, celebrating, and general sharing. I'm so sorry you had to hear this during a tough week. I completely understand. My BIL and SIL are having their second any day now, and we're happy for them, but the sadness for ourselves overwhelms us.

I hope your numbers come down. I have been thinking about you since your last post about the loss. ((hugs))

islandmonkey8 · October 2013

I'm sorry you have to go through this at all. FX for your beta numbers going down. We're always here to listen and vent to.

sparklingdiamond · October 2013

I'm so sorry :-(

I hope you get good news that your numbers have come down on Monday.

PinkinProvence · October 2013

Ohmygod - I am so sorry

That is terrible to have to have to find out now and out in public. I am not sure how you kept it together because I had myself 2 ugly cries in restaurant bathrooms while TTC when friends announced to us. You are in my thoughts and I hope you get good news on Monday.

lindsayandjamie · October 2013

PinkinProvence said:
Ohmygod - I am so sorry That is terrible to have to have to find out now and out in public. I am not sure how you kept it together because I had myself 2 ugly cries in restaurant bathrooms while TTC when friends announced to us. You are in my thoughts and I hope you get good news on Monday.

I did have to walk away from the table at one point because my son was antsy and I nearly broke down watching the guy make the tortillas (it's out in the middle of the restaurant). I took a few deep breaths and thought of something else. Ugh. I do wish it was done in private.

brij2006 · October 2013

I'm so sorry you had to find out about it right now. It's okay that you feel that way.

ecinereb · October 2013

Sorry about the craptastic timing. It's totally valid to feel sad and happy.

FX for dropping numbers next week.

spin25 · October 2013

I'm sorry. Although the specifics of the situation are different, we've all been happy for someone else but sad for ourselves. It's hard.

DangerMuffin23 · October 2013

I'm so sorry. It blows wanting to feel excited for them but also wanting to throw up at the same time. That was how I felt when my BFF announced at brunch. I wanted to slink away into a black pit of despair, but it has to be so much harder after all you've been through. I'm sending you hugs and strength.

callitcompulsive · October 2013

That's such a difficult spot to be in. I'm sorry (hugs) I hope your numbers go down.

Sewilson33 · October 2013

I'm sorry for all the news hitting you at once.

katieg520 · October 2013

I am so sorry. My heart just goes out to you!!!

Apollo11235 · October 2013

I'm so sorry you had to hear that this week, and in public. FX that your betas look good next week.

TudorRose11 · October 2013

I hope your numbers go down quickly so you don't have to deal with this any more than you've already had to. It's already unfair enough as it is. I'm sorry.

spongebobsquarepanties · October 2013

I'm sorry

I wish I could think of something to say that would make it stop hurting. *hugs*

BeeLu · October 2013

I'm so sorry, that's hard news on top of a hard week. You're not selfish, it sounds like you handled the situation very well. ((hugs))

mrsskiz · October 2013

Im so sorry you had to deal with that in public. Like PP said, its ok to be happy for them and sad for yourself at the same time. Hang in there darlin. FX for good numbers this week.

PandPMeant2B · October 2013

I'm sorry sorry you're forced to deal with all of this at once, but it sounds like you're handling it as best you can and no one can ask anything more of you. GL at your appointment today and FX for good numbers!

I feel like I just got punched...

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