Getting Pregnant
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I feel like I just got punched...

edited October 2013 in Getting Pregnant
Let me start this by saying I have had a very difficult week and day. I had my second beta yesterday and I am anxious to find out if my numbers dropped from 250 from last week test. For those unfamiliar with molar/partial molar pg, they monitor hcg weekly until its negative (less than 5) to confirm the mole is gone. If it stays up, plateaus, or increases after a few weeks of monitoring I need to go on mild chemo. I'll find out my numbers on Monday. I have been on the verge of tears all day for no specific reason. I also started bleeding again today. I don't know if its from the d&c or its my period. No cramps and I haven't o'ed yet, so who knows. Anyway, we went out for dinner with my bro and SIL and they told us she's 9 weeks pregnant. She found out she was pregnant the week I found out I miscarried. Their first baby is 11 months old. I'm happy for them but felt like throwing up after they told me. I couldn't eat and still feel like hyperventilating. I obviously told them I'm genuinely happy for them, and I am, but I feel incredibly sad. Knowing we can't even attempt to get pregnant for a long time is compounding how difficult I am finding their news. They did a good job of being sensitive and I sensed the news was coming but I want to barf. Thanks for listening...I know you girls can sympathize. ETA: sorry about the formatting - iPad
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First date July 31, 1999    Married January 28, 2009 
TTC#1 July 2010 PCOS dx April 2011 
DS born: February 21, 2012

TTC#2 June 2013 MMC Sept 2013 (partial molar), CP 02/2014 DS2 born: December 5, 2014

Re: I feel like I just got punched...

  • So sorry, that news really sucks.  

    FX for your numbers!
    Anniversary image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

    TTC Since January 2011 - We have bad sperm 
    February 2013: IUI #1 = BFN 
    October 2013: We made the decision to stop TTC and live without children.

    Nestie Besties with Xan921 
  • I'm sorry. That's a lot to deal with at the same time.





    dx:  Unexplained IF (mild MFI)

     TTC since May 2011, 1 year trying, and then 3 TI, 2 IUI = BFN

    IVF #1 (May 2013):  Antagonist Protocol: 
    24R, 18M, 15F w/ICSI; 5dt of 2 early blasts, no frosties = BFN
    IVF #2 (August 2013):  Lupron Stop Protocol: 
    28R, 23M, 15F w/ICSI; 5dt of 1 partially hatched blast, 7 frosties = BFP
    EDD 5/23/14, blighted ovum (6w6d), D&C (8w6d)
    FET #1 (April 2014):  transferred 2 5d blasts = BFP

    C.J. born 01/09/15

    imageimage
  • That sucks, what horrible timing to hear that news. I'm glad they were sensitive about it, but I'm sorry you had to hear it.

    I'll keep my FX for you that your numbers get here they need to be and that you are able to resume TTC soon.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I'm so sorry about everything you and your husband are going through right now. It seems to me like they should have told you in private a little later on if they were aware of what happened. ((Hugs))
  • ((Hugs)) I don't judge you one bit for feeling that way. It's hard news to hear, especially when you're going through so much right now.

    Continued T&Ps that your hcg is going down.
    imageimage
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC since July 2012
    BFP #1: 11/9/13; spontaneous m/c at 6w2d, 11/25/13
    BFP #2: 12/31/13. B/w 12/31: betas >1000, progesterone 13.6; B/w 1/2: betas 3065, progesterone 10.2
    B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
    Progesterone suppositories started 1/2. Please stick, baby!!
    Fiona Elise born 9/9/14 - welcome beautiful girl!
    image
    Badge Unicorn
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  • :(  Sorry for such a hard week.  That's a whole lot at once, sorry girl....   Sending good thoughts n prayers your way.  HUGS!!!!! 

       Image and video hosting by TinyPicimageimage

  • Thanks ladies. I feel selfish for not feeling 100% excited for them, but I am feeling really unstable today. I actually told DH before we left for dinner that I felt like I was have a third-of-my-life crisis (I'm 30 not 45, so mid-life didn't seem appropriate) because I feel so out of control of my emotions and I'm re-evaluating everything in an attempt to gain some control. And I told him I felt so sad and scared... I obviously feel blessed I have my son, but I'm just really scared. Then this news was just the cherry on my shit-tastic sunday.
    image
    First date July 31, 1999    Married January 28, 2009 
    TTC#1 July 2010 PCOS dx April 2011 
    DS born: February 21, 2012

    TTC#2 June 2013 MMC Sept 2013 (partial molar), CP 02/2014 DS2 born: December 5, 2014
  • I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    TTC #1 since July 2012

    Cycles 1-9: BFN
    Cycle 10: Surprise BFP on 10/17/2013!
    EDD: June 25, 2014
    Baby Girl born via induction June 26, 2014

    My TTC Journey Blog

  • Thanks ladies. I feel selfish for not feeling 100% excited for them, but I am feeling really unstable today. I actually told DH before we left for dinner that I felt like I was have a third-of-my-life crisis (I'm 30 not 45, so mid-life didn't seem appropriate) because I feel so out of control of my emotions and I'm re-evaluating everything in an attempt to gain some control. And I told him I felt so sad and scared... I obviously feel blessed I have my son, but I'm just really scared. Then this news was just the cherry on my shit-tastic sunday.

    Hun, you are not being selfish at all!  Take care of yourself.  :) x

       Image and video hosting by TinyPicimageimage

  • It's okay to be happy for someone but still sad for yourself. I'm sorry you got that news at such a bad time. GL on your numbers and big hugs to you.
    Married 05/05/2007, Off BCP Dec 2007
    2 failed Clomid cycles in 2011.
    RE in October 2012: IUI # 12&3 with meds:  BFNs 12/12-2/13
    IVF cycle: ER: 9/18/13, Lu came back to snuggle in: 9/23/13, EDD: 6/11/13

    ~My Bitter Bitches Be the Best~

  • Thanks ladies. I feel selfish for not feeling 100% excited for them, but I am feeling really unstable today. I actually told DH before we left for dinner that I felt like I was have a third-of-my-life crisis (I'm 30 not 45, so mid-life didn't seem appropriate) because I feel so out of control of my emotions and I'm re-evaluating everything in an attempt to gain some control. And I told him I felt so sad and scared... I obviously feel blessed I have my son, but I'm just really scared. Then this news was just the cherry on my shit-tastic sunday.
    You have nothing to feel bad about. We are here for venting, celebrating, and general sharing. I'm so sorry you had to hear this during a tough week. I completely understand. My BIL and SIL are having their second any day now, and we're happy for them, but the sadness for ourselves overwhelms us. 

    I hope your numbers come down. I have been thinking about you since your last post about the loss. ((hugs))
    TTC #1 since Feb. '12. dx: "unexplained" IF
    After 2 shitty IVF cycles and 1 loss at 6+2 (EDD 11/7/14), DH and I are pursuing DIA.
    11/17/2014 - ACTIVE AND WAITING!
    image
    Pregnancy was never the end goal; being a mom was.
    I've been holding out on GP: I got drunk once and started a blog: Here it is (11/7 update)
    3T<3

  • I'm sorry you have to go through this at all. FX for your beta numbers going down. We're always here to listen and vent to.
    image
    TTC 24 months, IUI #3 BFP 6/4/14 Beta 6/5 58, 6/9 508, 6/11 1227 TWINS! EDD 2/15/15
    With heavy hearts, we said goodbye to our precious angels on 8/12 at 13 weeks 2 days.
    image
    IVF #1 Lup/Brav/Meno, ER 11/28 10R/10F, ET "Rudolph" 4AA embryo 12/3, 7 frosties.
    BFP! Betas: 12/12 225, 12/15 706, 12/17 1512. EDD 8.21.15
    12/29 hb 120. 1/5 perfect, GRAD DAY! 1/15 perfect at OB. NT 2/6 PERFECT, HB 158!

    Baby Girl born 8.9.15 at 38.2 due to IUGR 4lb7.8oz 17" 
    Our princess is being watched over by her older siblings every day <3
    Anniversary 

  • I'm so sorry :-( 

    I hope you get good news that your numbers have come down on Monday.
    Anniversary 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    ~TTC Buddies with akcrrr and amandaf6383~
    ~Knottie/Nestie Besties with *ecinereb* - Congratulations!~
    TTC since June 2011 dx: PCOS
    Clomid+IUI: Cancelled b/c didn't respond (June 2012)
    Femara+Trigger+IUI #1: BFN :-( (July 2013)
    Natural Cycle (8/7/13)- BFP!  Beta #1 (9/10/13): 509 Progesterone: 18.64  Beta #2 (9/12/13): 1118
    Baby N born 5/9/14
  • Ohmygod - I am so sorry :(  That is terrible to have to have to find out now and out in public.  I am not sure how you kept it together because I had myself 2 ugly cries in restaurant bathrooms while TTC when friends announced to us.  You are in my thoughts and I hope you get good news on Monday.
    Diagnosed with Severe DOR at 31 years old (AMH .14 FSH 9.8) 
    D & L are here at 34 weeks 4 days by vaginal and breech delivery on 11/19/2013

  • Ohmygod - I am so sorry :(  That is terrible to have to have to find out now and out in public.  I am not sure how you kept it together because I had myself 2 ugly cries in restaurant bathrooms while TTC when friends announced to us.  You are in my thoughts and I hope you get good news on Monday.

    I did have to walk away from the table at one point because my son was antsy and I nearly broke down watching the guy make the tortillas (it's out in the middle of the restaurant). I took a few deep breaths and thought of something else. Ugh. I do wish it was done in private.
    image
    First date July 31, 1999    Married January 28, 2009 
    TTC#1 July 2010 PCOS dx April 2011 
    DS born: February 21, 2012

    TTC#2 June 2013 MMC Sept 2013 (partial molar), CP 02/2014 DS2 born: December 5, 2014
  • I'm so sorry you had to find out about it right now. It's okay that you feel that way.

    TTC since 1/13  DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
    Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
    1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system. 
    Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
    Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340  Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
    Riley Elaine born 2/16/15

    TTC 2.0   6/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 9/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
    BFP 9/16  EDD 6/3/17
    Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
    www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com 
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  • Sorry about the craptastic timing. It's totally valid to feel sad and happy.

    FX for dropping numbers next week.
    image

    TTC since August 2011
    Cycle 8,9,10 - 50mg Clomid - BFN
    Cycle 11, 100 mg Clomid & IUI#1- BFP 2/23/13 - m/c 4/2/13 @ 9w2d
    Cycle 13, 100 mg Clomid & IUI#2 - BFP 6/27/13 - CP
    Met with an awesome new RE in September 2013 new plan: 5mg Femera & IUI #3
    Surprise Natural BFP 9/9/13 - Welcomed our baby boy 5/25/14

    TTC Buddies with *noelcallum* - Congratulations!
    Knottie Besties with *SparklingDiamond* - Congratulations!
  • I'm sorry. Although the specifics of the situation are different, we've all been happy for someone else but sad for ourselves. It's hard.
    image
  • I'm so sorry. It blows wanting to feel excited for them but also wanting to throw up at the same time. That was how I felt when my BFF announced at brunch. I wanted to slink away into a black pit of despair, but it has to be so much harder after all you've been through. I'm sending you hugs and strength.

    imageimageimage
           Me: All Normal DH: .5% Morph
    Cycles 1-14 (Natural) all BFN
                                  Starting IUI#1 procedures Nov '13
                          IUI Cxl'd due to surprise natural BFP 11/1/13
            Calvin born on June 19th, 2014 via emergency c-section at 3lbs7oz
         
  • That's such a difficult spot to be in. I'm sorry (hugs) I hope your numbers go down.
  • I'm sorry for all the news hitting you at once.

    imageMags's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
     
    TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
    DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
    ~Started acupuncture in  May 2014~

    ~~
    BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
  • I am so sorry. My heart just goes out to you!!!
    image

    Katie, Jesse, and Breanna
    We're getting married: March 1, 2014
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm so sorry you had to hear that this week, and in public. FX that your betas look good next week.

    image

    "You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss

    TTC #1 August 2014. BFP 9/26! EDD 6/9/15
    Baby A born 6/17/2015
  • I hope your numbers go down quickly so you don't have to deal with this any more than you've already had to. It's already unfair enough as it is. I'm sorry.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I'm sorry :( I wish I could think of something to say that would make it stop hurting.  *hugs*
    Eating Chocolate Bunny
    TTC since Dec. 2009. TTC buddies with Cinco and Faheat.
  • I'm so sorry, that's hard news on top of a hard week. You're not selfish, it sounds like you handled the situation very well. ((hugs))

     ~ S & L 8-25-12  ~
  • Im so sorry you had to deal with that in public. Like PP said, its ok to be happy for them and sad for yourself at the same time. Hang in there darlin. FX for good numbers this week.
  • I'm sorry sorry you're forced to deal with all of this at once, but it sounds like you're handling it as best you can and no one can ask anything more of you.  GL at your appointment today and FX for good numbers!
    imageimage
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