Family Matters
marriedlady25
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Looking for insight/relatable stories
DH and I have just celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary and our marriage is strong. The only recurring issue we've ever had has regarded my in-laws and boundary-setting as well as holidays and how to divide our time. The boundaries have been set--we no longer have stop-ins, my FIL no longer inserts himself into the middle of our house projects, etc. While they wanted us to come over every weekend for dinner (which would inevitably last for hours) DH has handled it so that we aren't expected to have frequent meals with them; we do however attend many gatherings and birthday dinners throughout the year (averaging 1+ a month throughout the year). DH also spends independent time with his dad or both parents a few times a month when I too have my own plans. All in all I think things are very healthy and fair.
The other night we attended one of the annual gatherings we always make it to, and everyone but my SIL seemed very cold to not only me but DH as well. This included FIL making snarky/sarcastic comments regarding minor decisions we've made at our home (plantings, etc.) and even my personal hobby, to BIL essentially avoiding us both, and MIL leaving the table to talk to someone else when I sat down to visit with her. We essentially spent 1/2 the evening to ourselves. While I don't often see my IL's now, I'm very busy which they know (working, going to school full time, taking care of my horses/following my interests, and maintaining time to see my family and friends an hour away). I've also reached out in the past with an invitation to almost all the various women in his family for a variety of things.
I would normally blow it all off as it's all out of my control, but after the other night I'm gaining a great deal of anxiety heading into the holidays as much of the time is spent with my in-laws---something I will be very resentful of if the atmosphere remains the same. Either way, what I'm really questioning is if they resent me/us for the decisions we've made to be our own entity which is why they're cold-shouldering me/us? I'll note: my IL's have always been unusually close (seeing each other daily, opinions inserted anywhere anytime).
Re: Looking for insight/relatable stories
If they respond with hostility your husband should be prepared to play hard ball. If they continue to make it a point to give you the cold shoulder they can expect you to no longer attend family gatherings. They can't treat you both poorly and expect you to continue to come... That doesn't make sense right?
People like this annoy me. They're not happy with the amount of time they DO get with you, so they will punish YOU by making you uncomfortable when they get to see you. So dumb. They're cutting off their nose to spite their face. Hopefully they will see that.
ALL of this. Especially the last paragraph. I LOL'd. "We're pissed you don't spend more time w/ us, so we're going to be cold and rude to you the times we DO see you. To show you what you're missing out on!!!".
Your DH needs to talk to them and find out what's going on. And again - FULLY agree - if they are contentious, try to turn this on the two of you, whatever.... I REALLY hope your DH will be cool w/ saying "O.k. then - we won't be seeing you over the holidays".
Because if you DO see them and continue to stick around while they treat you like shit, nothing will change. You and your DH may need to draw some firm lines in the sand.
Your H needs to tell them to cut out the rancor or that will be it for the contact he and you will have with them.
Hope you get this straightened out.
It needs to be an unspoken rule that once yoru son or daughter marries, you need to butt out and stay out of their affairs. And not be a kid about it.