Getting Pregnant
Sewilson33
member
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
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I ugly cried this morning (long)
I'm still so upset but I am able to sit at work and pretend I'm okay for now.
I decided today that I need to get started on researching RE's in the area and getting a S/A done for DH. I was a girl on a mission. My SIL recommended the RE she saw when she was having TTTC(it took her 2 years). DH called me into the bedroom this AM so I told him I needed to ask him a serious question, I said I wanted to make an appt with a specialist and needed to know if he preferred someone by our house or someone by our offices. His response... nothing for a solid 45 seconds and then he goes "Well Good morning to you too." I literally started silently crying and walked out the room. I then sat on the couch for 5 minutes crying alone. When I finally stopped crying I heard him getting dressed and he came into the living room and pretended like I never asked a question. I grabbed my stuff and left the house, got in the car, called my sister and cried for 35 minutes until I got to my office. Luckily, I had someone to talk to but I was soooo upset, I still am. Just writing this makes me start to tear up.
I called my OBGYN and they said DH has to call his insurance carrier to make sure they will accept a script written by my GYNO. So I texted DH that this is something he has to take care of since he is home alone right now. He just responded saying he wants to wait until AF comes and then call with me. I understand he is nervous, I really really do, but I just can't handle the stress of TTC worries on my own. My temps are not anymore elevated then they usually are and I haven't seen any increase in temps over the past 3 days.
We are both aware the problem COULD be him, but I don't think he realizes that I need to rule him out before anyone will test me further. It's his whole male ego that is getting in the way and it's started to really piss me off. I'm not going to last much longer if he doesn't start putting his best foot forward with testing.
It really felt good to cry it out but I really wish it was with DH and not my sister. This group is like therapy to me so thank you for reading this. Today is just not a good day.
I decided today that I need to get started on researching RE's in the area and getting a S/A done for DH. I was a girl on a mission. My SIL recommended the RE she saw when she was having TTTC(it took her 2 years). DH called me into the bedroom this AM so I told him I needed to ask him a serious question, I said I wanted to make an appt with a specialist and needed to know if he preferred someone by our house or someone by our offices. His response... nothing for a solid 45 seconds and then he goes "Well Good morning to you too." I literally started silently crying and walked out the room. I then sat on the couch for 5 minutes crying alone. When I finally stopped crying I heard him getting dressed and he came into the living room and pretended like I never asked a question. I grabbed my stuff and left the house, got in the car, called my sister and cried for 35 minutes until I got to my office. Luckily, I had someone to talk to but I was soooo upset, I still am. Just writing this makes me start to tear up.
I called my OBGYN and they said DH has to call his insurance carrier to make sure they will accept a script written by my GYNO. So I texted DH that this is something he has to take care of since he is home alone right now. He just responded saying he wants to wait until AF comes and then call with me. I understand he is nervous, I really really do, but I just can't handle the stress of TTC worries on my own. My temps are not anymore elevated then they usually are and I haven't seen any increase in temps over the past 3 days.
We are both aware the problem COULD be him, but I don't think he realizes that I need to rule him out before anyone will test me further. It's his whole male ego that is getting in the way and it's started to really piss me off. I'm not going to last much longer if he doesn't start putting his best foot forward with testing.
It really felt good to cry it out but I really wish it was with DH and not my sister. This group is like therapy to me so thank you for reading this. Today is just not a good day.
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
Re: I ugly cried this morning (long)
~TTC Buddies with akcrrr and amandaf6383~
Natural Cycle (8/7/13)- BFP! Beta #1 (9/10/13): 509 Progesterone: 18.64 Beta #2 (9/12/13): 1118
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
TTC #1 since July 2012
Cycles 1-9: BFN
Cycle 10: Surprise BFP on 10/17/2013!
EDD: June 25, 2014
Baby Girl born via induction June 26, 2014
My TTC Journey Blog
TTC#2 4/14
A Parachute in an Oak Tree: A World of Love
~TTC Buddies with akcrrr and amandaf6383~
Natural Cycle (8/7/13)- BFP! Beta #1 (9/10/13): 509 Progesterone: 18.64 Beta #2 (9/12/13): 1118
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
I would cut him a little bit of slack. Especially if you both know that it's possible there's something wrong on his end.
If he's requesting to wait till AF, then wait till AF. At least he's giving you a timeline as to when he will be prepared to do it.
Sorry you're having to go through this though. It's a discussion that isn't easy for either party involved.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussFWIW, I would make the appt with the RE first before sending DH for a SA from your gyno for 2 reasons. (1) he might have to repeat it if your RE prefers one jab or standard and (2) it will give him more time to get used to the idea. I had almost all my testing done before DH did his SA. No RE will proceed with only 1 set of test results anyway so it is not like you wl be losing time.
Good luck - hopefully you guys can have a long discussion about it in the coming days.
I know I can always turn to you ladies to set me straight!
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
TTC Since January 2011 - We have bad spermTTC#2 4/14
A Parachute in an Oak Tree: A World of Love
I think it's a little bit less about cutting him some slack (which I agree with) but more about letting him get there on his own.
This may not be a good comparison, but it's all I've got, and it makes sense in my head:
I have felt frustrated at times that H didn't seem as concerned as I was, or didn't react as strongly to each BFN/AF as I did. Getting to the point where we were ready to move forward with an RE, and get him to do a S/A sort of reminded me of before we were engaged. It drove me crazy that he wasn't proposing, or would say he wasn't ready to do so. He would tell me he wanted to marry me someday, but wouldn't just do it. But I knew the last thing I wanted was for him to propose because he felt pressured into doing so. I needed to let him get to where he needed to be, where he wanted to do it.
So yeah, while I have been aware that we needed to move forward for a while, he wasn't convinced/ready/whatever. Even when he said he was 'ready', I strongly felt like pressuring him to get tested wasn't the way to go about this (just like when I knew we were going to get married, and it took him a while to get there). And sure enough, now I can tell this is something we're going though together, intead of something I'm going through, while wondering why he's not getting it.
In other words, my novel is trying to say that maybe his reaction is a sign that he may not be fully ready to take these steps, and I think the best thing to do at this point is to really sit and talk with him about where you are, and what you are both ready for.
(I'm seriously blabbymouth today.)
After 2 years of TTC, lots of tests, and a Hysteroscopy/Laparoscopy to remove several polyps,
Clomid/IUI #1 3/14: cancelled due to surprise BFP 3/8/14.
Beta 1 3/11: 398 Beta 2 3/13: 728 Beta 3 3/20: 11,482
Surprise BFP turns into Surprise Twins!
Zoey and Garrett born 10/24/14 at 36+3
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TTC Since January 2011 - We have bad spermI am so sorry you are going thru this. Men are different with things sometimes, especially when it may be something they are unable to fix. Perhaps he is worried that he may be the problem and he doesn't want to be. I don't know, I just know that sometimes, you will want to wait hoping to not hear what you are worried for. I'm sure he thinks about these things a lot and has his own thoughts about it, just as a man, they don't always talk about it. Well I am hoping for the best for you and we are all here for you!!!
xoxo
to wait around
You are really old.... (Eye roll and winky face!)
Alan was actually very good about just going and getting it done. He didn't let me know until after the test how terrified he was about having an issue because of all of his work around radar and his hernia from when he was younger. He was so focused on trying to be the strong one, because we both knew that I had issues that he had never told me about his feelings until he was ready. I think that sometimes guys are so focused on being strong that it is easy for us to forget that this is something they want and they struggle with it, too.
TTC#2 4/14
A Parachute in an Oak Tree: A World of Love
I understand the fear because I felt the same way when I got my CD3 bloodwork. I might do what @pinkinprovence said and make the appt with the RE if AF comes and then have him do a S/A thru though RE's office just in case.
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
my husband struggled with the idea of testing too and I found the best way to handle his apprehension about all of it was to say something and then let him process it and come back to me when he was ready. he did get it done pretty quickly once I addressed it but I really think making sure you know how to handle your DH's emotions are key to success.
in general when dealing with IF related things if I pushed too much or got upset it scared/bothered him and he would close up.
Of course there are times when you need to be able to let it all go in front of your spouse but sometimes I think that it just scares them more and creates more tension.
once the inital testing was done with my DH it was much easier to get him to go along with things, even though the problem was with him and it was scary.
good luck! just give him a little bit more time to process, everyone has different thresholds for this sort of thing.
The Rowdy Roberts
I'd send him a note that you'd like to talk about testing, etc. and set up a time where he's prepared for the discussion.
Baby Boy born 5.3.15
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I think it can take men awhile to come around to the idea that there might be a problem. You should probably have another discussion. (planned, because I am not a morning person and that wouldn't have worked for me. I also think, like @dangermuffin23 said, that sometimes hearing it directly from the RE makes a difference. Maybe you could talk about doing the RE consult and go from there. He may accept it better if the RE tells him to do it.
Baby E born: 2/16/2014 at 12:56pm. 5lb 15oz