This isn't normal, right? Loss related

ILoveRedVino · November 2013

I'm in a secret FB group for women in my area who have experienced late pregnancy loss or infant loss. I haven't met any of them IRL, though there is a monthly GTG. I don't attend.

Someone just posted in the group that her sister is KU an she hopes the baby dies.

WTF, right?!

But even weirder, NINE people have responded and said her feelings are normal.

I'm about to leave the group. I find that horribly offensive and sick.

Who TF ever wishes that?

blueeyedblossom · November 2013

That is totally effed up. How could you ever wish that on anyone. Especially your own sister?!

nfp147 · November 2013

Yeah, I have no experience with loss, but I don't think that's normal or even excusable. Wow.

ecinereb · November 2013

Wow. As much as a loss sucks (and I can't even imagine a late loss) I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

mrsvedo · November 2013

I defnitely think that's crossed a line.

ILoveRedVino · November 2013

I feel strongly about not judging the way someone grieves, but good god, I can't even handle this.

LooneyLife · November 2013

I can't even begin to imagine how I'd feel, but I don't think I'd consider that a normal thought.

poppies717 · November 2013

I'm creeped out by it, but what's really making me side eye the whole thing is that 9 other women think it's totally normal. I can understanding wishing that she wasn't pregnant (as in, the situation wasn't what it is), but wishing a loss on someone is top notch messed up.

I hope this woman (and the others) are actively seeing therapists. That comment isn't something a supportive friend can address.

brij2006 · November 2013

That is horrible. I can't even imagine someone wishing that upon another person.

DangerMuffin23 · November 2013

Mmm yeah, I don't want to judge others grief when I haven't felt it, but I think she needs counseling if she's not already in it. Wishing death on her sisters unborn baby crosses the line. I'm glad you're leaving the camp.

thecuddleeffect · November 2013

Dude that's fucked.

Yes losing a baby sucks, like the worst suck ever. But that is the EXACT reason I wouldn't wish it on anyone! Sometimes I wish people realized how blessed they are and how easily they had a baby, but never that a child of theirs would die. Yikes.

I'm sorry you will be losing a support system if you do choose to leave.

cinderin · November 2013

the baby is her niece or nephew. she is wishing one of her family members would die.

BruinsBabe33 · November 2013

I honestly don't even know how to respond to that. I can see thinking it and then feeling horribly guilty for having it even cross her mind, but sharing it in a group is a completely different level of messed up, in my opinion. I'm concerned that there seems to be no remorse in her statement.

sgautschi · November 2013

Yeah that's really messed up, I'd be leaving the group too...

lb1117 · November 2013

BruinsBabe33 said:

I honestly don't even know how to respond to that. I can see thinking it and then feeling horribly guilty for having it even cross her mind, but sharing it in a group is a completely different level of messed up, in my opinion. I'm concerned that there seems to be no remorse in her statement.

This is what I'm thinking too. For it to be posted and for a bunch of other women to agree that it's "normal" is scary. I can't personally relate, but that seems like an extreme thought, even while grieving.

ILRV - I'm sorry you have to even consider loosing your local support system, though. That sucks.

Uptowngirl2009 · November 2013

Wow, that is so crazy that someone would say that!

caseyandlizzie · November 2013

Definitely fucked up.

MRads · November 2013

I can see the thought crossing her mind. Bc you can't control your thoughts, especially in grief. I can see sharing it in a group like that. But for it to be dismissed as normal is worrisome.

Sewilson33 · November 2013

Wow! That is so wrong!

R.Wilsonny · November 2013

Wow. I don't even know what to say. I've never experienced loss so I can't really imagine how that aspect of TTC feels, but to wish the same on someone else is just terrible and cruel. I'm going to assume that person has not sought counseling to deal with her grief and she clearly needs to if she is wishing such an awful thing on someone else.

LuckyAngel07 · November 2013

ILoveRedVino said:

I feel strongly about not judging the way someone grieves, but good god, I can't even handle this.

I think it's one thing to grieve, but it's another whole level to actively wish tragedy on someone else, especially your own family member! I could sympathize with her expressing her anger at the situation, or admitting the thought crossed her mind, but I could never understand someone being completely unremorseful at wishing her sister's unborn baby would die. She (and the women who consider her feelings "normal") really needs to seek counseling to deal with her grief, because that is not appropriate.

abt8113 · November 2013

I can't give a personal response since I have not had a loss myself, but I don't think I would ever wish that upon someone. I know that everyone experiences grief in their own way, but she really needs to talk to a therapist about how she feels. At some point she is going to realize that this is her niece or nephew that she is talking about.