Family Matters
cbooker8912
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Helping a Groomsman?
Hi everybody.. my bestfriend from home is having some problems. Zach is a groomsman in our wedding in 2015. He went straight to the Marines after we graduated high school, and was medically discharged. Since he's been out, he hasn't been able to find a good paying, steady job. He now has two kids, one of which he didn't find out about until the child was almost 2, a few months ago. Without a job, he's lost his license, and is currently serving 30 days in jail for nonpayment. His roommates moved out of the apartment when he went to jail, so he lost all of his stuff.
FHubz and I talked, and we are bringing him up to Columbus to stay with us. We live in a 1 bedroom kinda large apartment, so he would be taking over the living room. All three of us have had roommates before, but not while hubz and I have been together. Does that change things? Any advice would be great.. from roommate advice, to child support (he doesnt even know where the second child is and has never seen him. But the child was tested, and its his. Supposedly the child calls another man dad, so Zach is thinking about signing over his rights.) I know nothing about that, or how to help him. How does he get his license back? How do you pay child support? To the courts? And how do we add another person to our household? Is it a good idea to all gonin on food and bills together? Once he gets hired, is asking him to pay a third of the expenses too much?
Help us please 
Re: Helping a Groomsman?
Honestly, this has "want to ruin a friendship? Then let him move in!" written all over it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Please do not include this gentleman in on your rooming arrangements.
You and your H need to say "Zach, we've cfhanged our minds. We have decided we do not want a roommate; we will be more than happy to assist you in your search for a place to live. THere's the YMCA and boardinghouses, since you are short on cash."
Nip this in the bud now. This is a gent who hasn't got responsibility; no way will he be able to pay you room and board. It is as simple as that.
Also it was way too early to start asking people into your bridal party. You should have waited until 6 months before the day.
They do not normally jail a parent for nonpayment of child support. Something else is up with that.
It would be a splendid idea to cool your friendship with this gent. This is trouble in the making.
Somebody also needs to talk to Ole Zach about the care and usage of birth control for men but ah I don't think it should be you and your H. Wow...already he's fathered 2 kiddoes; I would not be surprised if there are more in the lurch or in the making.
Other Enforcement Methods - It is the responsibility of the CSEA administering the order to monitor payment of the obligation. If payment of the current obligation falls behind, there are a variety of measures to collect past-due support.
Examples of other measures that do not require court action include:
If an individual fails to comply with a required action and enforcement by a court becomes necessary, the court can hold the person in contempt. Contempt penalties can increase with each offense and include fines and/or jail time or other remedies that the court finds appropriate. Some of the reasons a person can be cited for contempt are:
Child support can also be enforced by the use of criminal statutes. The state statute in Ohio provides for criminal penalties, including fines and/or a jail or prison sentence, depending on the length of time of the non-payment.
Federal law also provides for criminal non-support to be prosecuted, if certain criteria are present. For a misdemeanor federal offense, the non-payment must be willful, the obligation must be unpaid for at least one year or be greater than $5,000, and the offender and the child must reside in different states. Possible penalties for this offense include imprisonment for up to six months and/or a fine, and mandatory restitution of the total unpaid support obligation.
http://jfs.ohio.gov/ocs/OCSServices_Overview.stm
as you can see, yes, you can have your license taken away, and you can be locked up. Welcome to Ohio.
^ okay, but regardless, it would be a very BAD idea to have this guy move in with you guys.
You may have been roommates with him at one point before, and while that may have been okay at the time, obviously a lot has changed with this person from the first time you lived with him until now. Help him out all you want, but do not let him move in with you. This has disaster written all over it.
Don't do it. You will wind up regretting it.
I am also pretty sure that he'll have a whole parade of ladyfriends that will move around in the rotation.
It is never a good idea to have anybody live with you -- I dont care how trustworthy or financially secure the person is. It's not a good idea; you need your privacy and you need to adjust to each other -- best done one on one and the presence of a roommate won't let it happen.
You said this is a friend of yours? You would be wise to cool any type of a friendship with him, considering what's happening.
This will absolutely, without a doubt, ruin your friendship with him and very very likely ruin your relationship with your fiance. Come 2015 all 3 of you will end up going your seperate ways after this.
Your friend sounds, at best, like someone who needs a LOT of support - more than you can give to him.......and at worse an irresponsible jerk. He's got 2 illegitimate kids, one who he didn't even know about - so dude is obviously sleeping around. Do you think that this is going to miraculously change once he's living in the living room for your apartment? He has no job and no money - how long are you and your fiance going to be happy supporting him? And seriously - 3 adults in a 1 bedroom apartment means that NONE of you will ever, ever, ever have any shred of privacy. You won't even be able to sit in YOUR living room, the one that YOU are paying for, without impeding on whatever he's doing. You'll be relegated to your bedroom, which is going to get old quickly.
But since you're likely going to ignore everyone and all of the red flags and move him on in anyway, good luck. If I were you, I wouldn't be putting down any non-refundable deposits on wedding stuff though......that's only going to add insult to injury in a year when you're canceling everything.
wish you a luck.