WDGPT? (somewhat BR)

poppies717 · November 2013

MIL wants me to talk to SIL's friend who had a successful pregnancy via her first IVF. As a back story, I do not like SIL, but I can put on the happy face for most family gatherings. It'd be nice to have someone I know IRL to talk to, but I don't want this friend going back and telling SIL everything I say. However, this is the first and only time MIL has offered real help. And then there's my tinfoil hat theory that SIL is just pissed that we haven't been over the moon about their son's birth, and she just wants everything "fixed" so her perfect world (that would include DH's and my adoration of her ability to birth children) can go back to the harmony she craves.

nfp147 · November 2013

Do you know this person very well? Do you think she would tell your SIL?

It is really nice to have someone IRL to talk to, so if you think you can trust her, I would give it a try.

poppies717 · November 2013

I have met her a few times. She's SIL's BFF.

mrsvedo · November 2013

I'd go with your gut. If you feel like she's trustworthy and someone you would enjoy confiding in or talking to, it could be a good thing. If you're the least bit uncomfortable, though, I wouldn't do it.

Aimothy · November 2013

I would not. Especially if you don't want your SIL learning details. That BFF will tell her everything you said.

Xan921 · November 2013

I agree with @Aimothy. Since she's the BFF I think there is a slim chance that your SIL wouldn't find out everything you say.

poppies717 · November 2013

Thanks, ladies. Any advice on what to say to MIL when she brings it up with me? I want to be gentle because she feels like she's finally showing support (after being a total horror for the past year ( ETA: or so) about 3T). If I'm a bitch (which I so could be), it will make things worse for DH and me.

lindsayandjamie · November 2013

Can you just thank her for her support and tell her you aren't really comfortable talking to anyone about it right now? Or that you have friend you lean on already?

Xan921 · November 2013

I'd just tell her that while you really appreciate her suggestion, after giving it some thought you just aren't comfortable talking about something so personal with someone you don't have a strong relationship with.

poppies717 · November 2013

Perfect. Thanks. She knows I see a therapist, so I'll remind her of that, too.

DangerMuffin23 · November 2013

It sounds like you've already made a decision, but it agree with not talking with this specific person. I tell my BFF everything. Even stuff I tell my DH I WONT tell her.

poppies717 · November 2013

It sounds like you've already made a decision, but it agree with not talking with this specific person. I tell my BFF everything. Even stuff I tell my DH I WONT tell her.

I pretty much knew what I was going to do. I just didn't know how to frame it with MIL. I knew you ladies would help me out!

cinderin · November 2013

This may be no help at all, but you could always meet her for coffee and just listen to her talk about her experience and ask her questions (and not give her any of your personal information). Just to feel it out. You might get a feeling of if she would keep your info confidential. If you wanted, you could also give her a couple tid bits of info and see if they make it back to SIL/MIL.

R.Wilsonny · November 2013

^ I don't know if I would even go that far. If OP isn't comfortable talking to this person, and rightfully so, she shouldn't do it. And if MIL says something I would just say thanks but no thanks. No further explanation is needed.

R.Wilsonny · November 2013

ps - I'm dealing with a similar situation with my SIL. Don't even get me started but it's gotten to the point where I delete texts and emails from her.

WDGPT? (somewhat BR)

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