Getting Pregnant
MaggieMae10
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I want a baby, but he doesn't
Okay, here's the short version of the story. I want to start trying to have a baby now, but my husband doesn't. Here's the story:
Granted, we are young (I'm 22, he's 20), but we've been married for a year and a half now. I graduate from college in May, so a baby wouldn't interfere with that. He won't be starting college until next fall (2014). He wants to wait till after he's done with 4 years of college to start trying. I watched my mom struggle with having kids in her 30s, and I don't want to do that. I have always wanted to be a younger mom. We fight about it a lot and he says that he doesn't want to bring a baby into a situation where we're fighting...but that's what we usually fight about! Can anyone help me? I really, really want to have a baby...like YESTERDAY!
Re: I want a baby, but he doesn't
dx: Unexplained IF (mild MFI)
TTC since May 2011, 1 year trying, and then 3 TI, 2 IUI = BFN
IVF #1 (May 2013): Antagonist Protocol:24R, 18M, 15F w/ICSI; 5dt of 2 early blasts, no frosties = BFN
IVF #2 (August 2013): Lupron Stop Protocol:
28R, 23M, 15F w/ICSI; 5dt of 1 partially hatched blast, 7 frosties = BFP
EDD 5/23/14, blighted ovum (6w6d), D&C (8w6d)
FET #1 (April 2014): transferred 2 5d blasts = BFP
C.J. born 01/09/15
Well, this was more than a little rude. I was hoping for some encouraging words on how to cope with not having a baby, not rude comments about how to "chill out" and have some respect. But thanks for the negativity. I feel better now because I don't have the same "glass half empty" outlook that you have on life. Yay!
My Ovulation Chart
BFP - 10/29/2016!!!, EDD - 7/8/2017
what I really need help with is how to deal with wanting a baby and not having one while so many of my friends and coworkers are having children. I have hobbies, commitments, etc. but at this moment, it isn't feeling like enough. Any ideas?
I think you need to cut your husband some slack. Even if you don't realize it, he's trying to do the best he can for you and your future kids. It's not just about when you're ready, but that you're both ready. And if your H is anything like mine, the more you push, the more he will resist.
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
It's tough, but it's sooo worth it to be on the same page and go into parenting together as a team. You need a strong foundation before kids. Good luck to you.
It's not a good idea to have kids before being ready financially or emotionally. You need to consider some things here: 1. How much debt are you going to be in after his alternative music school? 2. What is his earning potential? 3. How much time could he really devote to you and baby if he's in school?
You probably know this, but babies are expensive and time-consuming. If you want to be financially comfortable, it would be wise to wait until after school. If you want a partner in parenting, it's best to wait until he has more free time.
It might suck, but in the long run it's going to be best for you, your marriage, and your children. So, get some more hobbies, volunteer, set some goals for yourself, and wait.
In Christ alone my hope is found. He is my LIGHT, my STRENGTH, and my SONG!
T-TTC since Dec 2008. PCOS/nonexistant cycles(anovulation) and endo. HSG in '10 revealed both tubes blocked. Lap surgery in Dec '10 to correct. Failed Clomid/IUI and injectable(Bravelle)/IUI cycles so far.
TTC#2 4/14
A Parachute in an Oak Tree: A World of Love
You need to slow your roll. You guys are both very young, still in school, and just getting started in both your adult lives and now married one. Forget about what everyone else around you is doing. The only people you need to concerned about are you and your H. Just because everyone around you are all getting married and having babies doesn't mean you have to rush and do that too. I'm actually going to assume this might be the reason why you rushed so quickly into marriage as well. But the horse is out of the barn now, so to speak. SLOW DOWN. A child is a life altering, lifelong commitment and it takes 2 people to be 100% on board with this. Enjoy being married for a bit, get yourselves situated, then have the discussion about kids.
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625
GTFO of here with this nonsense.
"I DO NOT love that you think so many things revolve around you. I know you're bitter. I get it. But I'm over your feelings." The best person on the internet ever!
You need to be patient and respect your husband's wants. Be open with each other about where you stand right now about children, and re-visit the topic every few months.
FWIW, when H was 18 and I was 16 I just wanted to get married and start a family right after high school (stupid girl, I know). Didn't want to go to college, didn't want a career, and didn't care about anything else but that. H didn't want to do that. He wanted to go away to college, and said he didn't want kids until he was 25. That meant 7 years of waiting for me, and I thought it was insane. But then it forced me to re-focus my life and what I did with it for those 7 years. It forced me to go to college, start a career, and focus on us. We didn't end up getting married until he was 26, and we started TTC when he was 27. We have since stopped TTC, and likely won't start back up until he's 29 and I'm 27. That's a far fetch from my age 18 that I wanted a long time ago, and his age 25. I have never once regretted not starting a family earlier, and I am very thankful that I didn't force H into it and instead got it completely off my brain.
So in the meantime focus on other things. You won't regret him having his degree finished before having a baby, and him being able to be there 100% through everything.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
The Rowdy Roberts
My Ovulation Chart
My Ovulation Chart
I think re-evaluating the situation in a year sounds more realistic. I'm assuming your hubby will be turning 21 next year and can experience all that fun stuff without a pregnant wife to get home to. In a year's time he'll also have one semester of school under his belt and you'll both have a better idea of what life will be like for those next 4 years. It also gives you a year to ensure you're in the best shape financially, physically, and emotionally.
You might be surprised. He may feel ready a year from now, or you may not feel as ready as you thought. You may feel the same one year from now as you do this very moment... But taking the option completely off the table for 4 years isn't fair to you. I think everyone else is thinking about him and no one is thinking of you.
Just my two cents. Before others swoop in and tell you to disregard my advice because I'm getting a divorce, I will say that I was ready for a baby about a year ago and hubby was not ready to start trying again. (We'd taken a break from TTC.) I spent the last year getting ready, which meant building up savings, reducing the hours of my job so that I'd have more time at home, starting prenatal vitamins, reducing the amount of chemicals I used in my home, all that jazz. Then I realized I didn't even like my husband, let alone want to have all kinds of sex with him and raise a child forever with him. Thank god I chose to re-eval in a year because a lot can happen.
My Ovulation Chart
TTC#2 4/14
A Parachute in an Oak Tree: A World of Love