Crazy In-laws

erollis · December 2013

Wow! I did not see a lot of the posts last night! I most certainly given a better response.

As PPs said you have a problem on your hands. Go to counseling with your H. Please.

Tofumonkey · December 2013

Painting1234 said:

. When we got back from Israel I recovered in a day but that is an 8 hour flight.. This is a 30 hour flight. I don't expect to recover that quickly when I land and have to be back at work in 10 hours. Sorry.

Then say that. It is a 30 hour flight and I am working the next day. Sorry, now is not the best time, a week or so later would work better for us!

The last thing I want to do is be expected to have a clean house and have three meals a day prepared for two teenage boys.

This right here is a HUGE part of your problem. You, not them. Why do you need a spotlessly clean house for guests? If they want that they will stay in a hotel. Have it tidy and lower your expectations of yourself.

Why do you need to prepare three meals a day for them? You need to settle down here. You will feel better for it. I was you - seriously. My sister and her friends came to stay at our place and I wanted to be the perfect host. I made them gourmet omlettes in the morning and my sister wouldn't touch them because ewwww there were carrots in them. After some silent raging on my part I've learned to buy a box of cheerios, a loaf of bread, milk and peanut butter and leave it at that. If they want something fancy they can make it (and buy it) themselves.

Why do you need to provide their lunch? Point them toward the local grocery store when they arrive and say great, now that you are here you can head over to the grocery store to grab what you'd like for breakfast, lunch and to have around the house as we won't be home much and our cupboards aren't very well stocked. See ya!

Dinner? Just make more of what you are already planning to make or they can go out and do their own thing.

YOU need to relax your expectations of yourself on this.

I don't expect my family to come cook and clean. They always just OFFER. My parents WANT to help us when they come. They OFFER, I don't expect that of them... I guess I would think that being a mom.. you would want to help your children rather then hider them.

stop judging them based on your family. They are different. Different is not wrong.

I don't understand how leaving your college children with two teenagers for a week is really kind or loving.

It's not. It isn't meant to be. This isn't about being loving. It's not about you. It is about two brothers going to stay with their brother for a week.

I do expect them to ask in advance due to our work and class sch. We can't drop everything at a moment when you just 'drop in'.

By all means, expect whatever you want. Their lives also do not revolve around your work and class schedule, and they will want to come to visit when it is convenient for them. This is normal. You need to compromise to make it work.

Last time we allowed his brothers to stay, they are home schooled, it went from staying for a week to a month.

This is a husband problem.

I was forced to run around like a chicken for a month taking care of them.

This was your problem. Don't do that. Why was your husband not taking care of them? Why do they need to be taken care of?

My husband doesn't have the time to entertain his brothers and that is the problem. He would spent time with them when he could but it ended up on ME.

Why are you entertaining them at all? They are staying with you. You are spending time doing things together. Your husband needed to step up here - your anger is misplaced. They are teenagers and although we would all love to think that as teenagers we were mature for our age, most are not. Can you really blame them? I'd blame the person that wouldn't set the boundaries.

cloudymeatballs · December 2013

R.Wilsonny said:

I don't think anyone is expecting her to shut up and deal - just compromise. R.Wilsonny has a great example of a good compromise in this situation.
Cloudymeatballs said that OP should basically 'deal'....so yea.....I don't think that is a good solution....only leads to resentment...

As in this, I said if that is what he wants, ya you figure out a way to like make a deal, compromise. I didn't say to just shut up and deal with it. Work out what works for BOTH. Ya if that is what he would like, his family staying, then you work something out.

cloudymeatballs · December 2013

R.Wilsonny said:

I don't think anyone is expecting her to shut up and deal - just compromise. R.Wilsonny has a great example of a good compromise in this situation.
Cloudymeatballs said that OP should basically 'deal'....so yea.....I don't think that is a good solution....only leads to resentment...

As in this, I said if that is what he wants, ya you figure out a way to like make a deal, compromise. I didn't say to just shut up and deal with it. Work out what works for BOTH. Ya if that is what he would like, his family staying, then you work something out.

VOR · December 2013

Yes- you have an H problem and actually a YOU problem too. His brothers - obviously if they are going to come and stay - HE has to step up and help out, entertain them, etc. This isn't about "compromise" as it is about HIM hosting HIS fmaily.

However, it's a "you" problem to in why exactly did you run around like a chicken taking care of them? They are teenagers- task them to do some crap themselves! Don't take this on yourself because your DH doesn't step up. Maybe if you'd stop waiting on them and they were forced to take care of themselves, staying w/ you all for a month wouldn't be so appealing!

And sorry, but I have to call you out on this:

I don't expect my family to come cook and clean. They always just OFFER. My parents WANT to help us when they come. They OFFER, I don't expect that of them... I guess I would think that being a mom.. you would want to help your children rather then hider them.

Clearly you do expect it because you're using it to compare how his family DOESN'T do this. I think if your parents showed up and didn't offer, you'd be upset. Especially as staying w/ you is now "hindering" you.

Crazy In-laws

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