Should things have changed ?

crystaldbl · January 2014

Hello all. I got married this past July. My hubby and I have been together for 12 years and lived together for 7. Ever since we got married I keep getting asked the same type of question. Do you feel different? Have things changed for you guys yet? I respond that things are fine & getting back to normal. Am I missing something? What was supposed to change? Someone please give me some insight as to what these people are talking about.

SmrBrd2012 · January 2014

Are the people that ask you generally married, unmarried, or both? I got that question a lot from unmarried people, because for some reason they expected things to be different. Most married people didn't ask this. It is a general thought that things do change post-marriage, but I find this to be untrue for couples that have already lived together for years, like H and I. So, no, you're not really missing anything. There's no real reason to feel that different, other than possibly the name change weirdness and perhaps a more intense need to work together to figure out problems together, etc.

GilliC · January 2014

Tell them that you'll let them know after you fill out your tax return.

BulgariHeart · January 2014

It's funny how the vast majority of married women find that nothing has changed going from NOT being married to being MARRIED. I find the two realities literally worlds apart. My H and I had been together and had lived together for literally a lifetime when we got married and still pretty much everything has changed, for the better, even more than we could have imagined. It's all very hard to explain since it's about those shades in life that can't be put into words... It's an entirely different dynamic from the girlfriend/boyfriend dynamic. You can't be the same after you've said your VOWS to the one you love. Gosh, my H almost *looks* different now that he's MY husband. LOL

We are connected at a much deeper level; we are definitely more in love, if that's even possible; our family and marriage are the absolute first priorities in our minds and every day life (something that we thought was true before but now it has taken on a much truer meaning). We're different before the eyes of the law. The world around us perceives us as a single unit and not as two separate entities anymore. And if that doesn't happen I notice it immediately (namely, when my ILs didn't quite "get" the fact that I come before anyone else in my H's life now. So does he in mine, of course). I felt the shift happening from when my parents were my family to when my H became my family. A whole list of rights and responsibilities changed after the wedding. The way we solve problems or how strong we feel together when we are faced with a difficulty. And so on and on... There was a time when I thought getting married wouldn't have made much of a difference but then, years later, we got married anticipating that it was going to be different and better. It should be better, I think. And in fact it is! Bottom line is, all the reasons to feel different are quite real, at least to me.

anssett · January 2014

It does feel different. Even though we'd been living together for a while, something intangible changed. Something about permanence, and importance, and forever! Whatever it is, it's wonderful. Better than I could have ever imagined.

Leftie22 · January 2014

I didn't think anything changed. But I probably didn't have much time to think about it, because by the time we came back from our honeymoon, both our families had had significant breakdowns and we spent the first few months of our marriage dealing with a giant crapstorm. I'm just happy we stayed together. But there was no real "honeymoon" period for either of us, and our lives outside the marriage chose that time to fall apart. Our lives are so different before and after the wedding for all those outside reasons that I can't really imagine what differences there might have been if we'd had more time to just focus on ourselves.

Beads921 · January 2014

I find being married feels a bit different. I find people look at us a bit differently - like more of a family. I guess I feel like we're more of a family too. It's nice, I enjoy it. To be honest, I'm not sure that DH has noticed it though.

hersheykiss21 · January 2014

Nothing felt different after I got married. I could have gone my whole life being with my husband without being married. I found my person and a piece of paper or a ceremony didn't change anything. My DH and my dog were my world before the I Do's.

Although maybe when we get around to changing our last names it will feel different if only for not having to prove relationship status when dealing with Verizon or Dr Fosters and Smith...

sillygoosegirl · January 2014

Being married was different for us. We lived together for a couple years, but neither of us wanted to get our lives too tangled up until we were ready to commit to being together forever. We got married when we were ready to make that commitment. Day-to-day things didn't change much, but it still felt very different after we made that commitment, and it definitely changed the way we handled some things, like long term plans and disagreements.

A marriage, like any other interpersonal relationship, is whatever you make of it. Why did you decide to get married when you did? What were you trying to accomplish? If you've done that, whatever it was, and you are happy, that's what really matters.

Joy2611 · January 2014

I agree with the others who said something intangible or difficult to explain changed.

I feel more connected to him. We aren't boyfriend/girlfriend anymore. Things are much deeper, richer and more complicated than that. I find it lovely.

Xandy417 · January 2014

The question people kept asking me was "How's married life?" and we always responded with "Its much the same" and that's the truth. We had been together for 6 years, lived together for 4 of them. Other than feeling a little strange when I write my new last name. It doesn't feel like anything is different. We still like the same things. He still thinks of me first and I still think of him first.

VadersValkyrie · January 2014

Both married and unmarried coworkers have asked me if things have changed. I say no. We had been together for five years before we got married; we'd been living together for three. I guess the big difference for us is the joke about everything being 50% the other persons--the bills, the cats, dinner...whatever it is. I think, for me, because I hyphenated my last name, the change didn't feel as big as I suppose it could have.

parcoeliz · February 2014

Sometimes I feel like people just ask that just to ask "something" or like a conversation starter. It really has no meaning...just like passing someone in the hall at work or checking out at a grocery store and someone asks "How are you today?" "Oh, good, how are you?" Not like either of us care haha.
Anyways, I don't feel much different in terms of our relationship/love. We lived together well before the marriage. That's all the same. Pets are the same, jobs the same, daily routine the same.
I agree with a previous post...I think we may feel more like a "family" at certain times, and other people may view us as more official. That's about it.

moonprincessd · February 2014

Oh I hated that. Nothing changed. It was so built up that something would change I was actually disappointed. What was supposed to change? We got married and it was like nothing happened, there were no fireworks, cake, or balloons, just life as it was before we got married.

We lived together for 2 years though, so that might have been it. We already knew each others habits. No surprises.

Anyway, I don't think anything is supposed to change unless you never lived together, then you still got to work out those kinks.

Should things have changed ?

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