Bummed!

catsareniice1 · January 2014

I finally make a date with a man who seems so nice I have been talking to and find out he is a pig.

I know some of you are dead set against checking out people's friend lists on FB. Well, I am glad I did.

I made date plans with a 45 year old man I have been speaking to on FB and learned that he likes a lot of college aged girl pic and said something like " Would you like to hook up with me sometime?" on an older woman's picture. I would say even though he is single that is not relationship material.

Why do so many men seem like pigs? or is this normal behavior? I think not but curious to hear what some of you have to say.

Also, I have not cancelled yet as I JUST saw this crap.

I want a nice, wholesome man. Sigh!

catsareniice1 · January 2014

By the way, I've never spied on boyfriends I dated but checked out this man's page since I don't know the man. I don't want to meet an unsafe, psycho.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

And, what should I tell this guy when I cancel?

Kimbus22 · January 2014

Well I see nothing wrong with a single person keeping their options open while dating. But a 45 year old man who spends his time scoping out college girls is just a big fat NO for me.

Just tell him you changed your mind and don't want to see him. Be honest if you want but you're not under any real obligation to explain yourself to a stranger.

WendyGR · January 2014

I met DH on Match.com, and I had to kiss a lot of toads before I found my Prince. You have to go into dating with a game plan, a list of qualities you are looking for, and the belief that good guys DO exist, you just have to be careful and know how to weed out the ones that aren't. Don't get hung up on a guy until you have dated at least three months (and not exclusively). That will help you make better decisions.

Sillygirl45 · January 2014

It seems you're being a little dramatic. He's a pig because he has liked younger girls pictures and asked if someone wanted to "hook up"? You don't know the context of either of these things.

How old are you? What's with the over explaining about not spying on people? Why wouldn't you snoop around about someone you're going on a date with? As far as I can tell, that's what Facebook is for. If someone doesn't want people seeing into their "life" they shouldn't have Facebook and if they do they should keep their settings private. If you can see it I say it's fair game.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

It seems you're being a little dramatic. He's a pig because he has liked younger girls pictures and asked if someone wanted to "hook up"? You don't know the context of either of these things.

How old are you? What's with the over explaining about not spying on people? Why wouldn't you snoop around about someone you're going on a date with? As far as I can tell, that's what Facebook is for. If someone doesn't want people seeing into their "life" they shouldn't have Facebook and if they do they should keep their settings private. If you can see it I say it's fair game.

I am not being dramatic whatsoever. The reason I explained myself is because when I mentioned checking out a guy's friend's list I was interested in the past, people gave me sh#t here. I think it's a wise thing to do or else I would never have discovered what I did.

I am not taking it out of context. While it's normal for people to have some strangers on their page. His page has a theme. While there are many local people on his page, it looks like he also friends hot women out of state then makes comment on their risque pics.

In the picture he commented on, the woman was barely dressed and he said would you like to hook up with me? Also, it IS weird that he is liking pics of women who are over 20 years his junior. Liking the pics is not so much the issue but going out of his way to friend them then like their pics and make comments.

Am I the only one who thinks this is a pig or am I over reacting? I want someone with morals, not a man who hits on women online who to sleep with women just because their boobs are hanging out. Not all men at the age of 45 act like a 13 year old junior high student. I want someone who respects women or is this normal for a man?

I just don't know what to say to him as I have a date with him next week.

Sillygirl45 · January 2014

catsareniice1 said:

It seems you're being a little dramatic. He's a pig because he has liked younger girls pictures and asked if someone wanted to "hook up"? You don't know the context of either of these things.

How old are you? What's with the over explaining about not spying on people? Why wouldn't you snoop around about someone you're going on a date with? As far as I can tell, that's what Facebook is for. If someone doesn't want people seeing into their "life" they shouldn't have Facebook and if they do they should keep their settings private. If you can see it I say it's fair game.

I am not being dramatic whatsoever. The reason I explained myuself is because when I mentioned checking out a guy's friend's list I was interested in the past, people gave me sh#t here. I think it's a wise thing to do or else I would never have discovered what I did.

I am not taking it out of context. While it's normal for people to have some strangers on their page. His page has a theme. While there are many local people on his page, it looks like he also friends hot women out of state then makes comment on their risque pics.

In the picture he commented on, the woman was barely dressed and he said would you like to hook up with me? Also, it IS weird that he is liking pics of women who are over 20 years his junior. Liking the pics is not so much the issue but going out of his way to friend them then like their pics and make comments.

Am I the only one who thinks this is a pig or am I over reacting? I want someone with morals, not a man who hits on women online who to sleep with women just because their boobs are hanging out. Not all men at the age of 45 act like a 13 year old junior high student. I want someone who respects women or is this normal for a man?

I just don't know what to say to him as I have a date with him next week.

Sooooo, what is your point? Obviously you have made up your mind. It doesn't matter what other people think. If you think he's a creep, don't go out with him.

You certainly sound like you enjoy drama. This isn't even a big deal. You met someone, thought he was nice, saw some red flags you didn't like, decided he's a creep, stopped talking to him. The end.

Where are you meeting people like this dude? Maybe you should rethink whatever pond you're fishing in.

Again, how old are you? How have you gotten this far without knowing how to tell someone you're not going on a date with them? You haven't even met him yet. A simple "no thanks" is all that's required here.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

Sillygirl45 said:

catsareniice1 said:

It seems you're being a little dramatic. He's a pig because he has liked younger girls pictures and asked if someone wanted to "hook up"? You don't know the context of either of these things.

How old are you? What's with the over explaining about not spying on people? Why wouldn't you snoop around about someone you're going on a date with? As far as I can tell, that's what Facebook is for. If someone doesn't want people seeing into their "life" they shouldn't have Facebook and if they do they should keep their settings private. If you can see it I say it's fair game.

I am not being dramatic whatsoever. The reason I explained myuself is because when I mentioned checking out a guy's friend's list I was interested in the past, people gave me sh#t here. I think it's a wise thing to do or else I would never have discovered what I did.

I am not taking it out of context. While it's normal for people to have some strangers on their page. His page has a theme. While there are many local people on his page, it looks like he also friends hot women out of state then makes comment on their risque pics.

In the picture he commented on, the woman was barely dressed and he said would you like to hook up with me? Also, it IS weird that he is liking pics of women who are over 20 years his junior. Liking the pics is not so much the issue but going out of his way to friend them then like their pics and make comments.

Am I the only one who thinks this is a pig or am I over reacting? I want someone with morals, not a man who hits on women online who to sleep with women just because their boobs are hanging out. Not all men at the age of 45 act like a 13 year old junior high student. I want someone who respects women or is this normal for a man?

I just don't know what to say to him as I have a date with him next week.

Sooooo, what is your point? Obviously you have made up your mind. It doesn't matter what other people think. If you think he's a creep, don't go out with him.

You certainly sound like you enjoy drama. This isn't even a big deal. You met someone, thought he was nice, saw some red flags you didn't like, decided he's a creep, stopped talking to him. The end.

Where are you meeting people like this dude? Maybe you should rethink whatever pond you're fishing in.

Again, how old are you? How have you gotten this far without knowing how to tell someone you're not going on a date with them? You haven't even met him yet. A simple "no thanks" is all that's required here.

Umm why are you yelling at me? If you're not yelling at me, you're certainly a very stern person.

I met him on FB. I am not on FB for the purpose of dating. He is someone I have a few mutual friends in common with. He friended me and seemed very nice and I was told he is a good person.

I don't enjoy drama whatsoever. I came here because I already made a date plan with him and am not sure the best way to say I've changed my mind. I am also wondering if people see this as normal behavior for a man or am I overreacting?

Tarpon, you around?

Sillygirl45 · January 2014

I'm not yelling at all. I don't understand why an adult woman would have to ask if it were normal for a 45 year old man to "friend" people and comment on sexy photos. "Normal" doesn't matter. What matters is what you want in a partner. If this isn't it, don't waste your time or his.

His behavior is completely normal for a man child who is interested in publicly gawking at women. If you're just looking for someone to have fun with and it doesn't bother you, by all means go out with him. Obviously that is not the case.

You have all these odd posts that make you sound very dramatic. You are ether examining any tiny thing over your latest crush said, or upset about some thing someone did or said on Facebook. You need to let things go and trust yourself to make a decision. You sound like you drive yourself nuts over everything. Learn to chill.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

Sillygirl45 said:

I'm not yelling at all. I don't understand why an adult woman would have to ask if it were normal for a 45 year old man to "friend" people and comment on sexy photos. "Normal" doesn't matter. What matters is what you want in a partner. If this isn't it, don't waste your time or his.

His behavior is completely normal for a man child who is interested in publicly gawking at women. If you're just looking for someone to have fun with and it doesn't bother you, by all means go out with him. Obviously that is not the case.

You have all these odd posts that make you sound very dramatic. You are ether examining any tiny thing over your latest crush said, or upset about some thing someone did or said on Facebook. You need to let things go and trust yourself to make a decision. You sound like you drive yourself nuts over everything. Learn to chill.

Ok. You're totally right. I have a huge over analyzing problem, always have. I don't like drama or creating it but often times feel unsure of what to do in situations. Something I need to work on, I know. I am hung on what to say to not piss him off as I know a couple of his friends. No. I don't want a man child. I think someone like this is more likely to cheat.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

Sillygirl45 said:

I'm not yelling at all. I don't understand why an adult woman would have to ask if it were normal for a 45 year old man to "friend" people and comment on sexy photos. "Normal" doesn't matter. What matters is what you want in a partner. If this isn't it, don't waste your time or his.

His behavior is completely normal for a man child who is interested in publicly gawking at women. If you're just looking for someone to have fun with and it doesn't bother you, by all means go out with him. Obviously that is not the case.

You have all these odd posts that make you sound very dramatic. You are ether examining any tiny thing over your latest crush said, or upset about some thing someone did or said on Facebook. You need to let things go and trust yourself to make a decision. You sound like you drive yourself nuts over everything. Learn to chill.

Ok. You're totally right. I have a huge over analyzing problem, always have. I don't like drama or creating it but often times feel unsure of what to do in situations. Something I need to work on, I know. I am hung on what to say to not piss him off as I know a couple of his friends. No. I don't want a man child. I think someone like this is more likely to cheat.

Leftie22 · January 2014

Would you rather date him just to avoid pissing him off? Stand up for yourself and your decision! You don't want to go out with him, so either make something up, or tell him that you don't think you're a good match. I met my DH online, and chatted with many bad matches before I met him. If something a person said or did rubbed me the wrong way, I would just tell them I didn't think we were a good match. If they wanted more detail, I'd be honest. If you keep wasting your time worrying about what a total stranger might think, you won't be available for a nice man. And no, not all guys are creepy. So move on if this one doesn't suit you, and keep looking for someone who doesn't have a bunch of red flags for you. What he thinks and how he reacts doesn't matter.

GilliC · January 2014

catsareniice1 said:

I finally make a date with a man who seems so nice I have been talking to and find out he is a pig.
I know some of you are dead set against checking out people's friend lists on FB. Well, I am glad I did.
I made date plans with a 45 year old man I have been speaking to on FB and learned that he likes a lot of college aged girl pic and said something like " Would you like to hook up with me sometime?" on an older woman's picture. I would say even though he is single that is not relationship material.
Why do so many men seem like pigs? or is this normal behavior? I think not but curious to hear what some of you have to say.
Also, I have not cancelled yet as I JUST saw this crap.
I want a nice, wholesome man. Sigh!

I don't think it's normal, but I also don't think it makes him a pig. I think it just makes him not your type.

Tell him that you don't really think you'd be a good match, and be done with it.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

GilliC said:

I don't think it's normal, but I also don't think it makes him a pig. I think it just makes him not your type.

Tell him that you don't really think you'd be a good match, and be done with it.

That's why I came here to hear different opinions. I can see how it can be viewed as normal (a man wanting to get sex). I see someone his age friending scantily clad women who are out of state saying he wants to just "hook up" as piggish. Seems like he is going out of his way for sex. What I find more piggish (actually creepy) is the fact that he has very young women on his page that he does now know. Just my take anyway... It's interesting to see what other people think though.

I've decided to DEFINITELY call off the date. I think I'm going to say "I checked out your friend's list to see if I knew anyone and found some things that make me uncomfortable" That is what I really want to say but do you think it is too dangerous to say this to a man?

catsareniice1 · January 2014

Leftie22 said:

Would you rather date him just to avoid pissing him off? Stand up for yourself and your decision! You don't want to go out with him, so either make something up, or tell him that you don't think you're a good match. I met my DH online, and chatted with many bad matches before I met him. If something a person said or did rubbed me the wrong way, I would just tell them I didn't think we were a good match. If they wanted more detail, I'd be honest. If you keep wasting your time worrying about what a total stranger might think, you won't be available for a nice man. And no, not all guys are creepy. So move on if this one doesn't suit you, and keep looking for someone who doesn't have a bunch of red flags for you. What he thinks and how he reacts doesn't matter.

No. Now way! I am not going out with this guy. I come here a lot with my little troubles because my close friends are married and I hate to bug them.

I know there are good one out there. Like you said, I have to weed them out. Such a PIA but I guess most of us don't find the right away right away.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

He keeps on saying please be careful to me, stay safe pretty lady. Totally ODD!

catsareniice1 · January 2014

Final question -

In case this guy is dangerous what is t best I say:

I've decided we are not a match or be nice but blunt and tell him I didn't like what I saw on his page?

I would rather say the truth but not sure what is best in case he's nuts.

doeydo · January 2014

I would say something general like we are not a good match and that you're sorry to cancel. If he presses, then you can explain further, I suppose. Then, unfriend/block him or whatever from everything. He doesn't seem like relationship material and I wouldn't want to go out with this guy, either.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

doeydo said:

I would say something general like we are not a good match and that you're sorry to cancel. If he presses, then you can explain further, I suppose. Then, unfriend/block him or whatever from everything. He doesn't seem like relationship material and I wouldn't want to go out with this guy, either.

Thanks!

catsareniice1 · January 2014

He recently lost over 100 pounds. Part of me thinks he is just insecure and maybe overconfident now, like he doesn't know better. I feel sad for him if that is the case

Leftie22 · January 2014

catsareniice1 said:

He recently lost over 100 pounds. Part of me thinks he is just insecure and maybe overconfident now, like he doesn't know better. I feel sad for him if that is the case

That's fine, and it might be the case, but it still doesn't mean you have to date him! I get the feeling that you second-guess yourself a lot and don't trust your own opinion. Try to learn to trust your gut, and spend more time thinking about what YOU want and less time worrying about what he might want. Sometimes, doing what's best for yourself means that you're going to piss someone else off. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, or that you're being mean. You just have to look out for yourself. And I'm sure he'll get over it. Good luck!

TattieSoup · January 2014

catsareniice1 said:

I met him on FB. I am not on FB for the purpose of dating. He is someone I have a few mutual friends in common with. He friended me and seemed very nice and I was told he is a good person.

I don't enjoy drama whatsoever.

If your mutual friends already told you he is a good person isn't it unlikely he's going to suddenly turn out to be dangerous? If you are this afraid of being upfront with men you don't know then I don't think online dating is for you.

GilliC · January 2014

I don't think you need to tell him anything other than the fact that you don't think you're a good match.

He likes younger women. I still don't think that's a big deal. I've dated much older men, so there is certainly a two-way dynamic there. I think that faulting him for being FB friends with people he doesn't know is a complete double standard, because it sounds like you don't know him either, and you're FB friends with him. Maybe they also have a mutual friend like you do.

If you knew for a fact that he was leading women on, using them for sex, etc. then yes, I would agree that he sounds like a pig. But all you know is that he's attracted to younger women. Yeah, his comments on their pictures are a bit weird since they're obviously somewhat public, but he might not understand the visibility settings (after all, FB changes them all the time, so who does?!). It's perfectly fine that this is a big turn-off for you, but I think that calling someone a pig simply because you don't approve of their sexual interests is narrow-minded and unfair.

Disneygeek77 · January 2014

Yeah just say you don't feel he is a good match for you and leave it at that. You don't owe him any details.

If your mutual friend is truly a good friend, they will respect your decision. I know I would never fault someone for cancelling a date on someone they think isn't right for them.

Sillygirl45 · January 2014

I've decided to DEFINITELY call off the date. I think I'm going to say "I checked out your friend's list to see if I knew anyone and found some things that make me uncomfortable" That is what I really want to say but do you think it is too dangerous to say this to a man?

Seriously?! What kind of freaking people do you hang out with? Why would you think he's dangerous? Why would you have entertained the idea of going out with someone if you had the slightest feeling rejection would cause them to flip out?

I'm starting to think you need some professional help before you go any further with dating. First he's a pig and now he's dangerous?

You really need to calm down. Tell him you're taking a hiatus from dating, tell him you've decided to become a nun, who the heck cares what you tell him. You could just block him on face book and stop talking to him all together. I'm pretty sure he'll survive no matter what.

Really, I think you need some help with your anxiety. I'm not trying to be mean, but I think you may need a little tough love here. Look in to getting some help. You don't have to feel like this.

GilliC · January 2014

Also, if you do think he's dangerous, why on earth would you poke the bear and tell him that you're canceling your date because his choice of Facebook friends makes you uncomfortable. Nothing like potentially insulting someone you think might hurt you! That's either pretty foolish or pretty MUD.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

Sillygirl45 said:

I've decided to DEFINITELY call off the date. I think I'm going to say "I checked out your friend's list to see if I knew anyone and found some things that make me uncomfortable" That is what I really want to say but do you think it is too dangerous to say this to a man?

Seriously?! What kind of freaking people do you hang out with? Why would you think he's dangerous? Why would you have entertained the idea of going out with someone if you had the slightest feeling rejection would cause them to flip out?

I'm starting to think you need some professional help before you go any further with dating. First he's a pig and now he's dangerous?

You really need to calm down. Tell him you're taking a hiatus from dating, tell him you've decided to become a nun, who the heck cares what you tell him. You could just block him on face book and stop talking to him all together. I'm pretty sure he'll survive no matter what.

Really, I think you need some help with your anxiety. I'm not trying to be mean, but I think you may need a little tough love here. Look in to getting some help. You don't have to feel like this.

Help with my anxiety? huh? This man has been saying weird stuff and emailing me non-stop, like 30 times a day. He's nuts!

GilliC · January 2014

catsareniice1 said:

Sillygirl45 said:

I've decided to DEFINITELY call off the date. I think I'm going to say "I checked out your friend's list to see if I knew anyone and found some things that make me uncomfortable" That is what I really want to say but do you think it is too dangerous to say this to a man?

Seriously?! What kind of freaking people do you hang out with? Why would you think he's dangerous? Why would you have entertained the idea of going out with someone if you had the slightest feeling rejection would cause them to flip out?

I'm starting to think you need some professional help before you go any further with dating. First he's a pig and now he's dangerous?

You really need to calm down. Tell him you're taking a hiatus from dating, tell him you've decided to become a nun, who the heck cares what you tell him. You could just block him on face book and stop talking to him all together. I'm pretty sure he'll survive no matter what.

Really, I think you need some help with your anxiety. I'm not trying to be mean, but I think you may need a little tough love here. Look in to getting some help. You don't have to feel like this.

Help with my anxiety? huh? This man has been saying weird stuff and emailing me non-stop, like 30 times a day. He's nuts!

Not in this thread. Sorry, but you're getting drama confused. This is the thread where he's a pig and friends college girls on Facebook. He doesn't become a crazy stalker until your other post.

You're not allowed to get all snappy and defensive when someone responds only to the information you put in a post. Before the other thread, you never mentioned any red flags that might indicate he was overly attached.

(And if you edited any of your previous comments to add the updated information? No one re-reads all of the old posts.)

Mrs.Rad888 · January 2014

Wow, 2 crazy, messaging, stalker, college-girl-friending, potential FB dates in the same month? In addition to the rest of your dating drama? There's a common denominator here, and it isn't Facebook.

Here's a clue: It's the person that everyone is recommending therapy to.

catsareniice1 · January 2014

Mrs.Rad888 said:

Wow, 2 crazy, messaging, stalker, college-girl-friending, potential FB dates in the same month? In addition to the rest of your dating drama? There's a common denominator here, and it isn't Facebook.
Here's a clue: It's the person that everyone is recommending therapy to.

Wrong! I have several friends (one of which is a surgeon and another is a college professor) who continuously encounter nuts online. Going forward I will not be conversing with men online unless I join a website with a good reputation like eharmony.

Bummed!

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