Can we talk church?

bride2003 · January 2014

kris356 said:

lala5507 said:

I don't have any advice but I can commiserate. I am not a fan of my church. Dh and I have been going there since we got married 6.5 years ago and I still don't feel part of the "family". I feel like it's mostly run by old people with old ideas (their Vacation Bible School was so disappointing). I have often thought of leaving the Catholic church in the hopes of finding something more family and kid oriented. I had such a great experience in my childhood church and it makes me sad that I cannot get that for myself as an adult and for my kids.

Maybe it is just the church. All parishes are different, maybe it is time to find a different one. My parents have been going to the same church for over 25 years. When the pastor retired, things changed a lot. Some people liked it, most didn't. The diocese assigned a new priest within 18 months. They new pastor is very similar to the old one. The parish up the street, has a very active youth group and a much younger congregation. The feeling is completely different.

Totally agree - while I have belonged to the same church all my life & kids go to school there, I prefer the church down the street for its pastor, bible studies/small groups. They also don't have a school so its difficult to be good at both. So while my home parish is where I am most involved and where my kids will grow up, I find that the other parish feeds my spiritual needs more (if that makes any sense). Which up until a few years ago I had no idea that was even an issue for me.

Lala -- I hear that alot from people that they don't feel like they fit in or part of the family. And frankly, its a big problem (IMO) in Catholic churches. Esp. my church b/c it is big. I think the easiest way to do that is to get involved b/c so much of what you take from your church is what you put in. Maybe this year be a part of the VBS planning committee, gather some like minded people your age & form a small group. Teach children's liturgy if they have it, volunteer on committee, be a lector! Anything that connects you to the church. Its a great example to set for your kids and ties you to the community. And if you find that doesn't work talk to your pastor or priest and say "what can I do to feel more connected here". I'm pretty certain your church has a need for young people to step up & lead (which doesn't?) and would appreciate your interest.

Sorry so long (I feel like I'm trying to save all the fallen away Catholics on this board)!

kris356 · January 2014

bride2003 said:

kris356 said:

lala5507 said:

I don't have any advice but I can commiserate. I am not a fan of my church. Dh and I have been going there since we got married 6.5 years ago and I still don't feel part of the "family". I feel like it's mostly run by old people with old ideas (their Vacation Bible School was so disappointing). I have often thought of leaving the Catholic church in the hopes of finding something more family and kid oriented. I had such a great experience in my childhood church and it makes me sad that I cannot get that for myself as an adult and for my kids.

Maybe it is just the church. All parishes are different, maybe it is time to find a different one. My parents have been going to the same church for over 25 years. When the pastor retired, things changed a lot. Some people liked it, most didn't. The diocese assigned a new priest within 18 months. They new pastor is very similar to the old one. The parish up the street, has a very active youth group and a much younger congregation. The feeling is completely different.

Totally agree - while I have belonged to the same church all my life & kids go to school there, I prefer the church down the street for its pastor, bible studies/small groups. They also don't have a school so its difficult to be good at both. So while my home parish is where I am most involved and where my kids will grow up, I find that the other parish feeds my spiritual needs more (if that makes any sense). Which up until a few years ago I had no idea that was even an issue for me.
Lala -- I hear that alot from people that they don't feel like they fit in or part of the family. And frankly, its a big problem (IMO) in Catholic churches. Esp. my church b/c it is big. I think the easiest way to do that is to get involved b/c so much of what you take from your church is what you put in. Maybe this year be a part of the VBS planning committee, gather some like minded people your age & form a small group. Teach children's liturgy if they have it, volunteer on committee, be a lector! Anything that connects you to the church. Its a great example to set for your kids and ties you to the community. And if you find that doesn't work talk to your pastor or priest and say "what can I do to feel more connected here". I'm pretty certain your church has a need for young people to step up & lead (which doesn't?) and would appreciate your interest.
Sorry so long (I feel like I'm trying to save all the fallen away Catholics on this board)!

I think we are talking about the same church alternate church.

bride2003 · January 2014

St Sebs & St John Neumann?

lala5507 · January 2014

You are both right. I have often thought I shouldn't be so quick to leave my parish; I should try to be part of the solution. But maybe I will look within the Catholic religion for a church that better suites me before I start looking elsewhere. There is an Episcopal church in our area that just has so many groups to join and great things for kids to do. It just seems that they actively try to get people involved and get kids really excited about their faith. I guess I am just looking for that.

northhillsbride · January 2014

This has been an interesting post to read. It makes me sad to see how many people have left their Catholic faith, though, due to one reason or another. (I'm not looking down on anyone - I truly get it because I can't say that I agree with a some of what Catholicism teaches either.) I am very hopefuly with our new Pope, though, that some things will change. That the old school mentality will lighten up a bit.

And it also gave me a good laugh bc just this morning, a local radio station was talking about religion and the MC called Methodists "Catholic Lite" too! I hadn't heard that before.

I think you all gave great advice. I see different religions as all different takes on the teachings of Christ, but the bottom line is the same. You just have to find what you most align to, personally, and what you want/need from it. If it's a sense of community or child-focused programs, than that will help guide you in your search.

For us, personally, we don't attend Mass weekly. We say we should, but for one reason or another, we don't. (Logisitics of Mass times, nap time for Sean, too much music and long-drawn out service, versus too early or too late. We always seem to have a lame excuse!) Gavin attends weekly in his school, though. DH and I are just very Catholic and our foundations are deeply routed in our faith, so to change religions would be unthinkable to us. However, we have been fortunate that we attend parish where there is a school also, which enhances the child-geared programs, and I do think that the majority of Catholics I speak to don't have the strict beliefs of the religion that maybe our paretns do. And I think the younger generation of lay people are seeing that accepting it as well.

I personally struggle with their stance on homosexuality and also on infertility, but I think that as long as my child learns good moral foundations and respect, that this is something he can form his own opinions on one day. I mean, I have gay friends who still attend Catholic Mass - I feel if they can find peace between themselves and their religion, then I think I can find a happy medium as well.

Also, though, I am 100% of the thought that any belief that takes it to the extreme is cult-like, and definitely not for us. (ie. I have a family member who is involved with Regnum Christi, which is an ultra-conservative side of the Catholic Church that was only founded in the 1900s. I don't agree with him in a lot of aspects of life as I think it's a very blinders-on way of living, but to each their own.) Not my cup of tea, but it's what makes the world go around, right?

denalea · January 2014

I have also enjoyed reading.

And I wanted to add another thought.

If you do decide to leave a church or pass on getting involved in a particular one, if you're given the opportunity to say why, be honest. At least a my church we do sit around the office occasionally and say "We haven't seen ____ family in a while." Or, "I've heard that ____ is attending down the street now." We're not judging. We just wonder why. Have we offended? Have we missed something? We certainly respect choices for different churches, but we do wonder why! Feedback gives us the opportunity to explain ourselves or to make changes, or to see areas where we could grow. Of course we can't be all things to all people, but it is nice to know if we are missing the mark.

kris356 · January 2014

My parents go to St. John Neumann, they switched years ago from St. Alphonse when the felt they favored the school kids over CCD when we made sacraments which they found odd(it wasn't the experience they had when we went to catholic school on the North Side). I was actually thinking of St. Peter and Paul.

sarahandtim · January 2014

Nothing wrong with checking out different churches. And like anything in life, you get out of it what you put in. We're so involved with our parish that it has helped religion to become the cornerstone of our family.

Emmy, have you asked friends from different faiths where they belong? Sometimes it's easier to approach new places or situations with a friendly face who will make you feel comfortable. That being said, I know most of you on the thread are pretty anti-Catholic, but if anyone has questions or interest in becoming Catholic, Tim converted about 5 years ago and now helps to run the RCIA program and is always happy to talk about it.

egpitt22 · January 2014

Sarah- the having to convert thing is definitely one of the things holding is back. Also, the fact that the kids have already been baptized Lutheran and jake's godmother is Jewish. Do you know how that would be handled? It's not something I want to change but I'm not sure how likely it is that it could work.

sarahandtim · January 2014

egpitt22 said:
Sarah- the having to convert thing is definitely one of the things holding is back. Also, the fact that the kids have already been baptized Lutheran and jake's godmother is Jewish. Do you know how that would be handled? It's not something I want to change but I'm not sure how likely it is that it could work.

I can definitely ask Tim and shoot you an email. I think I know the answer but want to check with him to be sure.

egpitt22 · January 2014

Sure that would be great, thank you!!

waltsgirl102503 · January 2014

Emmy, I've never heard of a Methodist mass before. I've always heard it called a service. I'm wondering if it's more traditional with communion every week? My new church has 2 services and the early one is more traditional and they do communion every week, where as the regular service has it the first Sunday of the month (which is the style that I'm familiar with).

4EvR&4AlWz · January 2014

Wow...a post with a ton of responses!

I too am sad to see so many people leaving the Catholic church. However, I do hold out hope that Pope Francis will help in bringing back to the church many who have left for various reasons and it's interesting in the viewpoints of the generations. Even though I'm Catholic, I believe that everyone is equal (gay, straight, black, white, etc). However, I personally don't believe you can be 100% with any religion as there are always some things that you may not agree with.

I grew up Catholic in a very Catholic town and family. We even went to church on a cruise ship and always on vacation. I always went to church in college and even medical school (I loved last chance mass at 5pm on Sundays) and loved our Cathedral. I taught CCD when we first moved to Pittsburgh on Sundays. However, with kids, it's so hard to get them to sit, let along be quiet. I have started taking B a few Sundays here and there and anticipate taking her weekly now that she's starting to understand.

DH grew up in a Byzantine Catholic Church, alter boy, etc. He definitely is not as interested in the church as an adult as I am. If he found a Byzantine church around here, I would go (we often went to a Byzantine Church as my mom was Russian Orthodox and my dad was strict Roman Catholic).

Anyway, in the North Hills, I know many people that love Northway Christian in Wexford. I'm not a big fan of churches that are auditorium style but I've attended weddings and baptisms there and enjoyed their style.

csuave · January 2014

Hi Ladies,

I am new here, coming over from the knot after getting married in September. DH and I live in Oakland.

This post caught my attention and I am making my first comment here!

OP, good luck with your search and trying different places out. It can be hard to find a place where you feel comfortable. I have attended Memorial Park in the North Hills many times over the years. I really like their Saturday night service. It is laid back, wear whatever and depending on who is playing in the band it is actually like a rock band. The kids programs there are great and it is a very large and young congregation. It is easy to feel welcome there. The "downside" I have found to this church is that they are very conservative and declare themselves as anti gay. Now I have been there MANY times and have never heard an anti gay sermon or anything like that but it is sometimes mentioned by members during prayer requests, etc.

I am Lutheran and we married at St. John's in Carnegie. Great church and pastor there but not a large or youthful congregation. Now that we live in Oakland we may try one of the Lutheran churches here. There is one that is very gay friendly.

Also, I'm not sure if it was mentioned already but within the Lutheran faith there is a wide variation. While we all have the same belief that we are saved as a gift from God and not by good works (and thus not a lot of the Catholic types of rules) the Missouri Synod branch is conservative and not gay friendly while the ECLA (the largest branch) is very liberal with women pastors and gays allowed to be pastors too.

Good luck in your search!

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