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The 1 Year Breakdown

Well Saturday was H's birthday, which marked exactly 1 year from when he said "let's just let things happen."  We were busy all day long, and said nothing about it to each other.  Then yesterday came, and H broke down. He's usually the strong one of the 2 of us, but he said he couldn't hold it in any longer.  Then he listed out all of the things we should be at, and made me break down.

1. Our first baby should've been 10 months old at this point.
2. If my cycles would be normal we would now be persuing testing, instead of doing it only a few months in.
3. I should be 23 weeks pregnant right now. 
4. He should be touching my belly to feel a baby, not because I've taken my stress out at the gym and ask him if he feels abs.
5. We should be remodeling the spare bedroom into a nursery.  Not remodeling it into nothing.
6. We should be choosing nursery colors.  Not, what color we can paint to transition to nursery someday, but not hate the room if it never does.
6. He should be able to watch me take care of our friends' 8 month old and be happy, not hurt watching it.
7. He should be falling asleep on the couch with our baby on his chest.  Not our friend's son.

So you know what PCOS? F U and the horse you road in on! 

TTC since 1/13  DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system. 
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340  Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15

TTC 2.0   6/15 
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15 
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16  EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com 
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Re: The 1 Year Breakdown

  • :( I'm very sorry, Brij.
  • I am so sorry :-(  The one year mark is definitely hard.  Lots of hugs to you!
    Anniversary 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    ~TTC Buddies with akcrrr and amandaf6383~
    ~Knottie/Nestie Besties with *ecinereb* - Congratulations!~
    TTC since June 2011 dx: PCOS
    Clomid+IUI: Cancelled b/c didn't respond (June 2012)
    Femara+Trigger+IUI #1: BFN :-( (July 2013)
    Natural Cycle (8/7/13)- BFP!  Beta #1 (9/10/13): 509 Progesterone: 18.64  Beta #2 (9/12/13): 1118
    Baby N born 5/9/14
  • I'm sorry. ((hugs))
    image
    TTC 24 months, IUI #3 BFP 6/4/14 Beta 6/5 58, 6/9 508, 6/11 1227 TWINS! EDD 2/15/15
    With heavy hearts, we said goodbye to our precious angels on 8/12 at 13 weeks 2 days.
    image
    IVF #1 Lup/Brav/Meno, ER 11/28 10R/10F, ET "Rudolph" 4AA embryo 12/3, 7 frosties.
    BFP! Betas: 12/12 225, 12/15 706, 12/17 1512. EDD 8.21.15
    12/29 hb 120. 1/5 perfect, GRAD DAY! 1/15 perfect at OB. NT 2/6 PERFECT, HB 158!

    Baby Girl born 8.9.15 at 38.2 due to IUGR 4lb7.8oz 17" 
    Our princess is being watched over by her older siblings every day <3
    Anniversary 

  • :( I'm sorry.
    image
    B Born 6.27.13
  • Oh sweetie. That is so heartbreaking. :( I don't even have the words. ((hugs))
    imageimage
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC since July 2012
    BFP #1: 11/9/13; spontaneous m/c at 6w2d, 11/25/13
    BFP #2: 12/31/13. B/w 12/31: betas >1000, progesterone 13.6; B/w 1/2: betas 3065, progesterone 10.2
    B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
    Progesterone suppositories started 1/2. Please stick, baby!!
    Fiona Elise born 9/9/14 - welcome beautiful girl!
    image
    Badge Unicorn
    image
  • Oh Brij I am sooo sorry. We are always here for you!

    imageMags's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
     
    TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
    DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
    ~Started acupuncture in  May 2014~

    ~~
    BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
  • My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry. Lots of hugs
    DX: 6/2012 PCOS  TTC: 6/2013  BFP: 9/6/2013  Attempt Natural m/c: 10/29/2013 D&C: 2/20/2014
    BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I'm so sorry :(
    Newest blog post 4/23/15
    Anniversary

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm sorry dear, passing those anniversaries always sucks. I wish I could say it gets easier over time, but sadly, it doesn't. I hope the rest of your journey is short and sweet though! ((hugs))

    In Christ alone my hope is found. He is my LIGHT, my STRENGTH, and my SONG!


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic


    T-TTC since Dec 2008. PCOS/nonexistant cycles(anovulation) and endo. HSG in '10 revealed both tubes blocked. Lap surgery in Dec '10 to correct. Failed Clomid/IUI and injectable(Bravelle)/IUI cycles so far.  


    image

  • Thank you girls for all of your support lately.  I really appreciate it, and can't even imagine the people who don't have any support system at all going through this.  I honestly don't think I would be as strong as I am about this if I didn't know that our struggles are minimal in comparison to others, and our 1 year journey is only a small portion of what it could be.
    H on the other hand doesn't have people to talk to about it besides me, and I think it's getting to him. 

    TTC since 1/13  DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
    Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
    1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system. 
    Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
    Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340  Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
    Riley Elaine born 2/16/15

    TTC 2.0   6/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 9/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
    BFP 9/16  EDD 6/3/17
    Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
    www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com 
                        Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • I'm sorry you're going through this.
    imageimageimageAnniversary
  • I'm so sorry, Brij.  I hate that you're going through this.  ((hugs))
    image
    My Chart
    My Goodreads Read Shelf

    * After 22 months and 2 failed IUIs, we finally got our BFP *
    DS delivered naturally at 41w6d on 4/18/14
    * TTC #2  March 2015 *

    image

  • I'm so sorry. :(
    image

    my read shelf:
    Sarah (mrs.vedo)'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 


    Pregnancy Ticker
  • brij2006 said:

    H on the other hand doesn't have people to talk to about it besides me, and I think it's getting to him. 

    Have you guys ever thought about talking to a counselor? Doesn't mean anything is broken between the two of y'all, sometimes it's just nice to have an "outsider" give a fresh opinion or even just be an ear to listen. Just a suggestion since he doesn't have anyone else to really talk to. I know it helped us some!

    In Christ alone my hope is found. He is my LIGHT, my STRENGTH, and my SONG!


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic


    T-TTC since Dec 2008. PCOS/nonexistant cycles(anovulation) and endo. HSG in '10 revealed both tubes blocked. Lap surgery in Dec '10 to correct. Failed Clomid/IUI and injectable(Bravelle)/IUI cycles so far.  


    image

  • I'm so sorry, Brij.  Your list broke my heart; it's not fair.  ((hugs))
    imageimage
  • So sorry, brij. PCOS is a huge bitch and It sucks you all are going trough this. Sending you happy thoughts and hugs while you're dealing with this very difficult anniversary.
    **Signature Warning**

    Dx PCOS August 2012
    Clomid x4 = BFN
    Femara+Follistim IUIs x 6 = 3 BFN, 2 C/P, 1 early miscarriage
    IVF June 2014- 43 R, 34 M, 24 F, 12 blasts frozen and severe OHSS
    FET September 12, 2014!
    Beta #1 12dp5dt- 724
    Beta #2 14dp5dt- 1631
    Beta #3 20dp5dt- 12,813
    EDD 5/31/15 until OB tells me otherwise. Grow babies grow!

    "I might have to wait. I'll never give up. I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck. 
    Wherever you are, whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life." ~ Michael Buble

    image

  • I'm so sorry, hun. :-(

    Cheering on all of my 3T ladies!  DX with PCOS - 11/2012 DH S/A & HSG - Normal - Too many rounds of Clomid = BFNs - New RE 5/2014 - Repeat Testing - Losing 40lbs before injects/IUI



    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

  • I'm so sorry.  :(  (hugs)
    Anniversary
    Married: 10/13/2013
    TTC #1: Mirena removed 5/26/2015; DH - normal SA, me - diagnosed with PCOS 8/4/2016 - on Metformin;
    BFP - 10/29/2016!!!, EDD - 7/8/2017
  • this breaks my heart. i'm so sorry brij
  • RockABye said:
    brij2006 said:

    H on the other hand doesn't have people to talk to about it besides me, and I think it's getting to him. 

    Have you guys ever thought about talking to a counselor? Doesn't mean anything is broken between the two of y'all, sometimes it's just nice to have an "outsider" give a fresh opinion or even just be an ear to listen. Just a suggestion since he doesn't have anyone else to really talk to. I know it helped us some!
     
    Stuck in the box......
    We've talked with our pastor about it a few times, and that helped a lot.  I think at this point H just feels like nobody else around us has any clue what this feels like.

    TTC since 1/13  DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
    Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
    1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system. 
    Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
    Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340  Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
    Riley Elaine born 2/16/15

    TTC 2.0   6/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 9/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
    BFP 9/16  EDD 6/3/17
    Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
    www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com 
                        Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • I'm so sorry. PCOS should definitely go F itself. :(

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Sorry Brij. Passing milestones sucks. Both TTC and loss.
    image

    TTC since August 2011
    Cycle 8,9,10 - 50mg Clomid - BFN
    Cycle 11, 100 mg Clomid & IUI#1- BFP 2/23/13 - m/c 4/2/13 @ 9w2d
    Cycle 13, 100 mg Clomid & IUI#2 - BFP 6/27/13 - CP
    Met with an awesome new RE in September 2013 new plan: 5mg Femera & IUI #3
    Surprise Natural BFP 9/9/13 - Welcomed our baby boy 5/25/14

    TTC Buddies with *noelcallum* - Congratulations!
    Knottie Besties with *SparklingDiamond* - Congratulations!
  • I'm sorry you are going through this, Brij.
  • I'm so sorry, Brij. It's tough to see someone you love break down like that. I hope your H can find someone to talk to, or some way to help ease his mind. ((hugs))

     ~ S & L 8-25-12  ~
  • I'm so sorry, Brij. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you both. I hope YH is able to find some needed support.

    image

    "You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss

    TTC #1 August 2014. BFP 9/26! EDD 6/9/15
    Baby A born 6/17/2015
  • I'm sorry brij. This last has really sucked. I'm glad you're still around and part of the group.

    imageimageimage
           Me: All Normal DH: .5% Morph
    Cycles 1-14 (Natural) all BFN
                                  Starting IUI#1 procedures Nov '13
                          IUI Cxl'd due to surprise natural BFP 11/1/13
            Calvin born on June 19th, 2014 via emergency c-section at 3lbs7oz
         
  • Brij, I'm so sorry.  ((hugs))
    Congrats to my TTC buddy Madeline! Cheering for all the strong 3T ladies! 

    TTC since March 2012; DX: PCOS 4/2013 
    BFP 7/6/2013; EDD 3/6/2014 
    Diagnosed with Pre-E: 2/15/201
    Emergency induction: 2/16/2014
    Baby E born: 2/16/2014 at 12:56pm. 5lb 15oz



  • ((Hugs))

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    TTC #1 since July 2012

    Cycles 1-9: BFN
    Cycle 10: Surprise BFP on 10/17/2013!
    EDD: June 25, 2014
    Baby Girl born via induction June 26, 2014

    My TTC Journey Blog

  • I hate that you have to have had this conversation at all. Big hugs.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I'm so sorry Brij. The one-year mark and all those milestones suck so bad. I wish we could all just have a hug party today!

    Married August 2009

    3 years. 5 losses.

    Our rainbow baby boy born 11.16.15

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