Relationships
Mommyof2littleones
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
need advice
My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years. In those years there are more unhappiness than happiness. we have two kids together. When we were first dating, I was blindly in love and didn't pay attention to whether he loves me back or respecting and caring for me at all. everyday after that I saw the real him, who doesn't keep his promises, selfish, and careless. of all the flaws he has some attributes in that he works hard to provide for our family and most of the time cooks for us. However, on his spare time he would play his video game for hours and hours until bedtime. I crave for emotional support and love. I want him to spent quality time with me and my kids. I want to have meaningful conversations with him. I sat down and talked to him and me wanting him to spend quality time with us and he promised he would. However, he never fulfilled his promise. He is obsessed with his game and can never quit it. We hardly cuddled or being intimate because of that. He never took the time to be with me. I feel so lonely in this relationship. I thought that I married to my best friend, someone I can share my feelings with and able to communicate. we don't have good communications, he never understand my needs and wants and never on the same page about anything. I have tried to do my part but never get any result from it, so I stopped trying. I feel that he doesn't respect me and my needs. I want to be out from this relationship but I couldn't. Our religious backgrounds doesn't grant divorce and we have kids together. I don't want to see them without a father. but the more I am in this relationship, the more depress I get. I asked him to go to family counseling and he said we don't need it. I have tried everything and ready to give up. What should I do now? I am so frustrated.
Re: need advice
Edited because quote boxes aren't working...
Leave him. It is not healthy and you are not happy. Do your want your kids to grow up thinking that marriage isn't for love and that all the things you listed that you wanted but aren't getting from your husband is not normal or important in relationships? Honestly, a divorce won't leave the kids 'without a father', it doesn't kill him for goodness sake's. Right now you are a nuclear family (mom & dad together, plus kids) but there are many other types of families and unless he is abusive or neglectful, he would still see the kids/have them over at his house. Your lawyers would talk and you would all come to some sort of agreement on a time schedule. Also, you say that your 'religious backgrounds' don't agree with divorce. Do you mean just the way you were raised or what you truly believe?
Because this is what they are learning. right now.
My DS is only 5 but I can already see how he's picking things up that DH and I do. Luckily, mostly good (manners, showing affection for one another). But seriously- if you stay based on "religion" or because you don't want them to "not have a father", THIS is what they are learning.
Great- they have a dad. Who sits there and does nothing and spends no time w/ them. Yeah, wow, that sounds great.
Why not show them that their mother wants better for them? Thta they deserve more? Tht they are worth fighting for?
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This. And would your religion approve of a man who doesn't spend time with his wife and children? Who doesn't have to be any kind of a father? Please don't let your kids learn that this behavior is okay.
Any cleric worth his or her salt will tell you that your H is not doing his part as a husband and that he is indeed forsaking YOU. The vow is "forsaking all others" -- how are you being put first in this sad excuse of a relationship?
Please don't let religion take precedence over the well being and happiness of you and the kids. Ha -- he is so religious that the vow "Forsaking all others" is shot to hell!
There is no such thing as a religion that does not grant divorce. For the record, what religion are you and your H?
Perhaps it is time to explore another religion that is more open minded and is more accepting. What do you think?
Go to a civil court and get this marriage dissolved!
Get rid of him and do it today.