How to be supportive (loss mentioned)

VadersValkyrie · February 2014

My brother and his wife have been TTC for over a year. She has miscarried once, and found no heart beat two times. Obviously, both of them are devastated. We have a friend who was having trouble TTC a few years ago, but she went to a fertility specialist almost right away (not ovulating) and she now has twin daughters who will be one in April.

So I don't know how to be supportive, because I don't know anyone who's been through this, so I was hoping to get some outside advice on this.

Aimothy · February 2014

I'm not sure what the point of telling us about your friend who has twins is, but just tell your brother and SIL you are there if they want to talk. Do not tell them you know how it feels, that it will all be okay, that they just have to wait for their time to have the right things happen, or that you have a friend who went to a fertility specialist and now has one year old twins.

ILoveRedVino · February 2014

Ditto @aimothy. Hearing other peoples success stories does not make me more hopeful. It reminds me that the universe likes others more than me.

Sorry. I'm bitter today.

Just tell them that you care. Be there. Sometimes saying less but showing you care is the best thing to do.

VadersValkyrie · February 2014

Sorry, the point of the friend situation is that while I have experience with one part of the TTC wheel, I don't with the other.

Aimothy · February 2014

What part of the TTC wheel do you have experience with? The fertile side? If so, don't say anything to your brother.

BackseatDriver · February 2014

I think she was just giving that as the only other experience she has with someone who has had trouble TTC- one that had a happy ending after not too long so therefore she doesn't have experience with what her brother is going through either personally or second hand.

I don't have personal experience with IF either, but I would let them know that they can talk to you if they want, but try not to pry or ask questions if they aren't ready to open up more. I would tell them that you are sorry and that it absolutely sucks. I would try not to tell them that everything will be okay, that it will happen when it is meant to, or that kind of thing. One of my friends just needed some space so I gave it to her. At the time that was the best support I could give her.

Best of luck to your brother. I think it is really great that you are trying to be supportive.

LuckyAngel07 · February 2014

Ditto PPs.

Just be there for them. Let them know you care and are so very sorry for the pain their feeling. Tell them you are there if they ever want or need to talk and you will listen.

Don't talk about your own experiences or those of others. Simply be there to hear whatever they need to let out; give them all the love and hugs and support and tear-soaked shoulders they might need.

BruinsBabe33 · February 2014

Let them know that you are there and that you remember and they can come to you if they need someone. Leave the door open.

How to be supportive (loss mentioned)

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