Sex & Romance
EC0525
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I'm in my mid-30's - would love to know what an orgasm felt like. (Long & detailed)
All I have to say is my husband is a saint for staying with me for almost 2 decades.
I'll start from the end. I have started self exploring and I think I'm about to climax and it quickly goes away. Every.single.time. Even getting to that point is HUGE for me because for years and years I thought I was broken. Now, I feel like I have a chance to be a sexual being like everyone else.
My life story: I was 14 making out with a boyfriend and almost o'd. It felt too intense so I backed off. That was IT until a few months ago! I've been with my DH since HS. We would always mess around and I would get horny but nothing ever came of it. No pun intended. Over the years my 'sex drive' dwindled a lot! DH always complained about the lack of sex, rightfully so. For the past year we've been going through some other issues so I wanted to make everything right, including sex. I knew that I would have to masturbate (something I barely ever did!). In a desperate attempt DH bought me 2 mini vibrators a few years ago. So I looked up porn gifs on my phone. I get horny then put a vibrator on my clit and one inside. My breathing get deeps and faster, my legs get week, then nothing. Poof - gone. I've tried at least a dozen times, the same thing happens. It also almost happened with DH. I know I'm doing something wrong. I asked DH to order me a new vibrator. I picked out the one that rotates near your gspot and vibrates your clit. I also picked out a book online about female orgasms. But then we realized we were short on money. But now we have the money and I'm looking for suggestions?? I don't know how to 'explore' with myself. If you don't mind me asking, what works for everyone else? Or please pass on some suggestions. I am desperate!! Thank you!!!
Re: I'm in my mid-30's - would love to know what an orgasm felt like. (Long & detailed)
Here is what I suggest:
You might want to get some basic anatomy and physiology -- find out what the basic A&P of the external female genitalia consists of --- get a mirror and examine yourself "under the hood." I guarantee you you will like what you see and be fascinated.
To get down to the nitty gritty of masturbation
Be alone in the house. No interruptions no nothing.
Keep some lube handy. You'll need it for a little while.
If there is music you like, put some on --- make sure it's something relaxing ---- turn off the lights, use some candlelight --- and let it progress from there.
A nice glass of wine or 2 will help.
Pamper yourself a bit -- run a nice bath with bubbles and add some music and candlelight and relax.
(start with soft touches. Go from there)
As a previous poster said: "expect nothing." Don't go into masturbating thinking "I gotta come or I'll really be a failure"!!! Expect nothing and just DO IT.:)
Rome wasn't built in a day; neither were earth shaking, eye rolling orgasms.:)
Take your time --- everybody is different and you will also see there are different intensities of orgasms. Some are brief and some are long and very intense.
You will not accomplish this "task" in a day. it's going to take a bit --- you will see what I mean.
I will also suggest you see a sex therapist. One would do, for him also.
You need one to tell you "its fine to masturbate" --- and he or she will also tell you that you and he need to communicate more. I guarantee you that's about 99% of your problem.
The lack of communication you and your H has floors me. My head is literally spinning --- it sounds like he needs a fire lit under him! He never even tried to do anything? Didn't go down on you or suggest "Honey, let's try x y or z tonight"? He didn't try to maneuver you into different positions --- is he a straight away missionary sex kind of guy?
Oboy.....:(
Sex manuals for the both of you would be a good idea, too. Check some out --- mainstream book stores carry sex manuals specifically geared to couples!
And it is a must that he start going down on you. No exceptions no excuses no nothing. He has to. (as do you -- it is a 2 way street -- get some information about giving oral sex to him, also. I get the idea that you and he are in dire need of sex education along with communication)
Wishing you luck --- let us know what happens.
At least not right now they are not working.(that one is coming over by boat...the port called and wants to know are you gonna come pick it up. hehe)
As I said, skip the battery powered helpers. Start with your own fingers. Use my suggestions and follow the one that a previous poster gave: expect NOTHING the first time (and the first few times) around --- how about you just enjoy the good feeling for the first few times you masturbate??? Do that and take it from there!
Yes, he always offers to and I usually refuse because it doesn't do much for me. He did last night actually. I feel like there's something wrong with me.
The positive here: he is willing to help --- the negative here --- you won't be open to trying something.
Every journey starts with one step.:)
You're not messed up...you know what to do but you are too leery to try. Nothing wrong with that at all, per se -- but if you don't ask for what you want, you're not going to get it. He isn't a mind reader.
Take me up on my offer of looking for some sex manuals And consider Masturbation 101 -- take it slow and for the first few times just enjoy the feeling.
Him going down on you doesn't do much? Maybe he needs some sex ed in that area. Don't forget to tell him what feels good and what isn't so great ' -- "mmm a little more to the left....it would feel great if you put your tongue here" --- that kind of thing.
What I have noticed is that you seem to want a quick fix all at once. You're slapping on the toys hoping for a universe-shattering orgasm and demanding one instantaneously --- doesn't work that way, my friend! You figured "oh let me finger myself." YOu figured that would bring an immediate orgasm, also.
Maybe that doesn't work for you or you need to change your technique.
I tried reading some articles online and a few videos on female masturbation and I gave it a shot (with lube). I got a little aroused but I felt nothing like did with a vibrator. I'm really starting to think that something is wrong with me. I know you both said to not expect anything 'the first time' and to enjoy the feeling but there really was no 'feeling' to enjoy. Between that and DH going down on me, I feel broken. Hopefully the manuals will help me. My guess, the problem is that I have too much stress. I also have NO self-esteem. I know that's a big problem. Thanks again for your help.
There is a condition where the hood of the clitoris is too thick --- I forgot what they call it --- maybe you might want to get it checked out.
I think there is a way to more or less have the hood removed or abated.
My next appointment is in 2 weeks. Please push me to bring this up!
Yes, and it takes me as far as the vibrator does.
I am not saying that's your problem but it would not hurt to get a potential problem looked into.
The clitoris has a hood over it, pretty much the same as an uncircumcised penis does.
I am not saying that's your problem but it would not hurt to get a potential problem looked into.
The clitoris has a hood over it, pretty much the same as an uncircumcised penis does.
I'm going to 'explore' more today and I will also bring it up.
http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/betty-dodson/2011/01/feel-im-going-orgasm-then-it-stops
There is a rare condition where women cannot stop orgasming. It has to do with nerve centers.
Something like what I've just cited isn't funny, the same as priapitus (or however you spell it) isn't a joke.
Didn't we all have some kind of guilt -- the whole "good girls don't" thing?
OP the most relaxing place is the bath tub. Try in there when you are the most relaxed. A good shower head isn't a bad idea either.
Being 14 with your body releasing raging hormones into your head is not something to be guilty about.
I hope eco525 can work through this.
Even though I knew I was human and somewhat normal (because of Betty) I asked the gyno anyway about my difficulty achieving orgasm and she said everything looked normal below (re: clitoris hood). But I knew this, I asked because I would have regretted not asking more than asking. According to Betty, my orgasms will get stronger with time and I have to say, I really enjoy them. Thanks for the help everyone! I feel like a new woman!