Age difference in YA

RiverPlate · March 2014

I just finished my second recent YA realistic romance where the age difference between the characters bothered me. Both times it was a girl who was 15 (summer before or in sophomore year of HS) and the boy was 18, summer before starting college or a college freshman. When I was a freshman in college, I didn't really have anything in common with somebody not old enough to drive. They just seem to be in completely different age groups. And even if you take away the legal aspect - one's a legally minor where the other is an adult - it still felt squicky to me.

What says NBC?

caseyandlizzie · March 2014

I dunno, when I was in high school, there were quite a few freshman/sophomore girls dating seniors. It happens.

ETA: You never really saw the older girls going for the younger guys, though.

Young_Love · March 2014

When I was in HS there were quite a few freshmen/sophs I knew dating seniors. It wasn't that weird to me then.

I heard one of my 8th grade students (13!) telling someone in class her bf was 17. I almost barfed. But then I remembered my neighbor was dating a HS boy when she was in 8th grade and we all thought nothing of it.

I think this is one of those things that is yucky when we look at it with our adult eyes, but not a huge deal to the actual kids.

That being said, I VERY BRIEFLY dated a 24 yo when I was 18 and I felt like he was babysitting me. That was some life experience I just couldn't bridge.

packfan20 · March 2014

I dated a senior when I was a freshman.

And I briefly dated a guy who was 29 when I was 20.

My parents are 11 years apart so I think "age difference" wasn't a big deal in our family.

I think it all depends on the maturity/person. In some cases, it's okay. In others, not.

sfgiantsjo · March 2014

It's squicky to me when there is a lot of sex or adult experiences initiated by the older of the pair. Not that I'm a huge prude or anything, but I just really like the books that young women read to promote good self images and confidence. There can be sex or adult themes, but it's all in the tone and the way it is presented.

That didn't make much sense, sorry. My brain is in low gear today.

booneybear · March 2014

15 and 18 does not even make me blink. Then again it takes a lot to make me blink. I think maturity level means more than numbers no matter what the law books say.

Jen748 · March 2014

My 17 year old friend in HS was dating/sleeping with a 28 year old man. I was the HS senior dating a sophomore and had we stayed together, would've been 18 when he was 16.

All that to say, age differences in books like that don't bother me much.

cnthrdlywt2bwZ · March 2014

It depends. A freshman dating someone going away to college, I'd kind of raise my eyebrows. During the school year it may not be as big a deal. Soph/senior seems more likely to happen.

I did date a just-turned 25 year old when I wasn't yet 20. It was sort of okay because we were in a similar life place but my friends definitely made fun of his age.

Jliongrrrl · March 2014

I have a friend who started dating a boy who was 5 years her junior. I think he was a HS jr and she was 23. They got married and have kids and seem happy. They met at church.

It was pretty normal for freshman/sophomore females to date seniors at my high school. My high school boyfriend was 2 years older and we continued dating when he went to college and I was a junior. Age differences like that don't bother me much either I guess.

MrsJenE · March 2014

I had just turned 16 when I started dating a guy who was almost 20. Looking back, I still don't think it was a huge deal and I don't think it's a big deal in books.

RiverPlate · March 2014

I think that to begin a relationship when one is in college and the other in the first or second year of HS is different from a freshman/sophomore dating a senior.

I also fail to see why a super hot 18/19 year old guy who has his own apartment, goes to all the college parties, and is fawned over by hordes of college-age-girls would actively pursue a 15 year old girl at the coming-of-age stage whose biggest goals are to tattle on her brother to get him in trouble with their parents and convince someone to teach her how to drive. The maturity gap is just too wide.

packfan20 · March 2014

RiverPlate said:

I think that to begin a relationship when one is in college and the other in the first or second year of HS is different from a freshman/sophomore dating a senior.

I also fail to see why a super hot 18/19 year old guy who has his own apartment, goes to all the college parties, and is fawned over by hordes of college-age-girls would actively pursue a 15 year old girl at the coming-of-age stage whose biggest goals are to tattle on her brother to get him in trouble with their parents and convince someone to teach her how to drive. The maturity gap is just too wide.

He just wants to get her to bed???
:P

ETA: I completely understand what you are saying, though.

julie37619 · March 2014

I can totally see both sides of this. On the one hand, my first reaction is that the maturity/life experience is probably vastly different. I'd be suspicious if an 18 year old wanted to date my (hypothetical) 15 year old daughter. I wouldn't go nuts over it, but I'd monitor closely.

On the other hand, my brother started dating his now wife when he was a junior and she was a freshman (he was 17 and she was 14). And their relationship was totally innocent and fun and not something coercive or icky.

I guess think it is totally dependent on the specific teens and situation.

CeeCeeSugaPie · March 2014

RiverPlate said:

I think that to begin a relationship when one is in college and the other in the first or second year of HS is different from a freshman/sophomore dating a senior.

I also fail to see why a super hot 18/19 year old guy who has his own apartment, goes to all the college parties, and is fawned over by hordes of college-age-girls would actively pursue a 15 year old girl at the coming-of-age stage whose biggest goals are to tattle on her brother to get him in trouble with their parents and convince someone to teach her how to drive. The maturity gap is just too wide.

Totally agree with this, especially since I had just turned 18 and DH was 16 when we started dating.