Family Matters
formerlyGDaisy09
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
SIL drives me crazy
so my SIL has 3 kids, she had her first at 19, second at 21, and her 3rd last year at 26. She and her H are constantly struggling to make ends meet. She got a job this fall, but is now constantly struggling to line-up child care for school vacations and half days....and often forgets that she needs child care for those days until right before she needs it. Then she calls me asking if H and I can watch the kids...I work 2 jobs, one FT one PT, H works one job 30 hours a week and is looking for other part time work...so my answer when she asks is always "I'm sorry, but we have to work", to which she usually says "yea, I'm suppose to work too, do you have any days off you can use?".
I'm so confused why she thinks we have some obligation to rearrange our schedule to watch her kids?
This past time I asked if she had checked if the community center was running any vacation week camps. she seemed offended and said "Can't afford that, don't even have money for groceries". Doesn't school vacation happen every year? couldn't she have anticipated that she needed kid coverage or a week off work more than 2 weeks before vacation?
H always wants to rearrange our schedules to try to bail her out, I keep telling him that if she knows we'll bail her out she'll never plan ahead for these things. am I wrong?
Me: 28 H: 30
Married 07/14/2012
TTC #1 January 2015
BFP! 3/27/15 Baby Girl!! EDD:12/7/2015
Re: SIL drives me crazy
Let her know it is NO the next time she calls last minute; let her fall and them figure out how to pick herself up.
And you say NO every other successive time until she gets it that you cannot watch her kids.
Let her find a college kid who lives locally to baby sit her kids.
Yeah, well, family also doesn't take advantage of each other either. So... there's that.
And a lot of whatever "discussion" is going on w/ MIL on this needs to stop. You all don't need to defend yourselves to her. "We're unable to help" is ALL you need to say. Period. If she even pries into "can't you take time off?", you just still say "We're unable to help". Your time off is YOURS. THey don't get to know how much you have or how you choose to use it.
And btw, your MIL's lame attempt at guilting your H is bullshit. I'm all for helping family, but not taking advantage the way your SIL is trying to do.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
That is really ridiculous. She probably thinks if she publicly posts about needing a babysitter and tags you guys that you will be more inclined to do it. If it were me, I would put her on blast for that.
Ignore her FB / social media posts. Don't answer her calls.
Ditto the "Unfortunately, I can't help you out." Her kids are her responsibility.
And if she cries poor, suggest she go to the local food pantry for groceries.
* * *
IMO, Family helps out, but only when you are in a true jam....not when you have not planned properly or are to cheap to pay for a sitter.
My parents live in the next town. They have babysat when DH and I have, for example, a funeral and we have to leave before school starts. Otherwise, we pay for sitters, plan in advance, or stay home. We also help them out...housesitting, trips to the airport...it is reciprocal.
Maybe you should tell MIL that she shouldn't move...SIL needs her and it is very selfish of her to move to Florida when SIL needs someone to watch the kids.