Getting Pregnant
simsk3887
member
Just Saying...(LR)
We've been in NJ for 6 hours and MIL and DH have already had 2 knock down drag out fights about our loss. I swear that's a record. Lord please help me get through the next two days (granted DH doesn't pack up the car and we leave tonight...)
Re: Just Saying...(LR)
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
Then we asked her to respect our privacy by not telling people about our loss. We showed up at a baby shower today and half the guests said they were sorry to us. Not knowing that they knew, DH asked MIL if she told. She denied it. Then an hour later came clean. So then it was another fight about her not respecting us.
I don't know if all the wine in the world can help me deal with MIL and I don't even speak the same language as her. I just feel bad that DH has zero support from his family about anything. She's never said thank you for anything or that she's proud of him. She basically says that she did everything for him growing up and he owes her. Umm..you made the decision to have a child therefore you have the 'obligation' (for lack of a better term) to take care of them. I don't feel that asking your child to 'repay me' for raising them is anywhere near reasonable.
Sorry for the super vent there. I'm just trying not to completely lose it.
B Born 6.27.13
DE IVF ER - 12/2/2016 (17R/10F = 8 frosties); FET 1.0 (1/27/2017) - BFP 6dp5dt (EDD 10/16/2017)
Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods
~ S & L 8-25-12 ~
Currently on Metformin and Synthroid
EDD: 6.15.15
dx: Unexplained IF (mild MFI)
TTC since May 2011, 1 year trying, and then 3 TI, 2 IUI = BFN
IVF #1 (May 2013): Antagonist Protocol:24R, 18M, 15F w/ICSI; 5dt of 2 early blasts, no frosties = BFN
IVF #2 (August 2013): Lupron Stop Protocol:
28R, 23M, 15F w/ICSI; 5dt of 1 partially hatched blast, 7 frosties = BFP
EDD 5/23/14, blighted ovum (6w6d), D&C (8w6d)
FET #1 (April 2014): transferred 2 5d blasts = BFP
C.J. born 01/09/15
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
TTC Since January 2011 - We have bad spermThanks for all of the support ladies and for just listening. I know we've all had some hard situations to go through and I appreciate just having someone to listen. Again, sorry for the super vent.
Baby Boy born 5.3.15
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussB/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
Cinnabun and Junebug say, "Go Wildcats!"
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
Saturday was the start of the disaster. You all read my fun above.
Sunday only got better...We (DH and I) were asked to babysit our nephew for a hour or so in the morning at MILs house. Once his parents left, he started screaming. We changed him and as I was getting his bottle ready, MIL took him from me. She fed him and then went and laid in bed with him while he slept. She fell asleep next to him. DH went in LITERALLY every 5 minutes to be sure she wasn't smothering the child. Not because we were afraid of co-sleeping but because she's so mentally unstable.
Then, we went to the cematary for DH's father who passed away in Feb. We asked her if she'd like to go. She went on a tangent about how she can't talk to anyone or get in trouble for having a big mouth if she stays at home (nevermind the fact that she was on the phone talking about us all morning prior to the babysitting). DH said ok fine, stay here if you want, you're a grown woman. So we went. We picked up lunch on the way back and brought it home. Offered her a plate in the living room where she hid out all weekend and she wouldn't even look at DH when he gave it to her. We ate and then left to go to BIL house because she wasn't talking to us anyway, might as well spend time with our nephew (he's only 4 months old) and BIL and SIL. Asked her if she wanted to come visit her grandchild and she went on another tangent about how if she wants to go somewhere then she'll get in her car and go. Her car has been parked in the same location since we left last time. And we put it there... So we leave. Get to BIL and SIL house and find out that she called and tried to start a fight between BIL and DH. She wanted BIL to say something to DH about how disrespectful he is and "how our current city put a curse on him." Her words, not mine. BIL and DH decided to enjoy their weekend together and seem to have realized that she starts the fights between them. Whenever they don't talk about her, they get along great.
We were there until about 7pm. Came home to find the plate of food untouched in the living room still and DH said to MIL, 'You can either talk to us and act like a normal human being or we're leaving'. Well that apparently took the cap right off the volcano. She went off again about how FIL dying of cancer was DHs fault for leaving Newark. How DH comes there just to start fights with everyone. How she's dying and he doesn't care (she's not dying, she needs a minor back surgery). How we don't care about her and we don't pay her bills. DH asks her EVERY DAY when he talks to her what she needs and she says nothing. We can't pay stuff we don't know about. How everything bad in this world is in us. And my all time favorite: How disrespectful I am for sleeping in her house and not saying good night. Yes, you read that correctly...Apparently whenever she blamed everything on my husband the night before, I was supposed to walk into the living room where she was pouting and say good night. The fight got so bad that DH told me to pack up. FFC - I had to hold back my smile. I thought we were leaving early.
DH then said that if she committed suicide that night that he would feel guilty so we stayed. We went out to eat super late and stayed out later so we could just get away. We left at 7am Monday morning and barely said goodbye. In an entire weekend, I saw her for maybe 10 minutes (other than the baby shower) and said hello and goodbye to her a total of once each.
We've decided for our health that we're no longer staying with her. We will get a hotel and spend the extra money and go to visit our nephew. If she wants to see us, then she can come to the hotel or invite us over. Otherwise, we're done. And if we get pg again, she will be the last to know. Maybe when she gets a shower invite she'll find out. Otherwise, she doesn't deserve to be a part of our lives. Part of me feels badly for DH because he has zero family support (his brother makes poor financial and life decisions and still doesn't help with the baby, so not really someone to look up to) and my family is SUPER supportive. They try to make up for him having no one. But part of me is relived that the guys have realized who the real issue is in their relationship. I'm just hoping that she doesn't take her life and leave a note saying it was all DHs fault. I think that would break him. Her shouting words at him is one thing but to do that would be devastating to him. FX my BIL can convince her to seek medical help for her issues....
Thank you ladies for all of your support over the weekend. It definitely helped keep me from completely losing it and driving away all by myself.
DE IVF ER - 12/2/2016 (17R/10F = 8 frosties); FET 1.0 (1/27/2017) - BFP 6dp5dt (EDD 10/16/2017)
To answer your question, she has always been 'special'. Whenever we first started dating, DH wanted to go home for his parents vow renewal (20 year anniversary, I think?) and asked me to come. I was told I could stay in the hotel in downtown Newark (because that's safe for a super pale white girl in her 20s *not being racist, I just stick out like a sore thumb in Newark with all the Latinas*). Eventually, she came around to me staying there but she wouldn't even look at me. Then, when we started visiting after being engaged, they let us stay in the same room. We would rent movies in the evenings and watch them in our room. She would come lay in bed next to DH and watch them with us, even though they were in English which she 'claims' she doesn't know a word of. This lasted up until last time we went (which is when FIL passed away) and of course didn't happen this time.
She has MAJOR separation issues and HAS to speak to DH every day. At one point, it was multiple times a day. I put a stop to that whenever I ate a meal out at a restaurant by myself because DH picked up his phone call from her. Same thing had happened when we were in bed DTD...he actually contemplated picking up the phone. That put me over the edge.
She also thinks that 50 is old enough to stop working and to have your children take care of you. She won't ask us for help, just assumes we know what she needs. We get yelled at frequently for buying a house, paying down loans, etc. because all of our money should go to her. We have paid her rent more than once and always go grocery shopping and things for her when we're there. She has told us that she'll be dead before she moves in with us, but wants us to continue to pay her rent. Ummm...no.
All in all, it's just a very odd relationship. I'm not sure how much is culture (they moved here from Portugal in 2000) and how much is her just being a bia. I'll never know...