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DawnLilly
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
SIL, niece, my experience with self-mutilation
I'm going to make this as condensed as possible. SIL is a piece of white trash shit and even my DH avoids her at all costs. She makes a living living off the state. Her three kids are dirty and ill-behaved.
DS's 2nd birthday SIL informed us that our niece was now on ADHD medication, age 8. This is while niece is sucking down a large blue ice freezy drink. Which, launches me into artificial good colorings and ADHD. DH is dyslexic and ADD so I don't allow any of this in the house both to protect DH and DS. She changes the subject.
One hour later my mom tries to tell SIL that niece #2 has ringworm on her back, age 22 months. No, says SIL, it's a horse fly bite. She is then told by two other people who did not hear the original conversation that niece #2 has ringworm. SIL disregards all of it.
This was almost 4 weeks ago. Today at a family function I notice marks on niece #1 only on her left arm. She is right handed. This is important. I ask, what happened to your arm? She replies, when I get sad I pinch myself. Now, I'm flashing back and can't find a damn word to say as she runs off.
I talk to DH about it and he says that I might be the only one that can do anything or understand. I scratched and sometimes cut from age 15-19. I really wasn't that bad. It only happened on a couple dozen occasions. No one knows except DH. If I try to talk to SIL I know she will disregard me. Then, tell everyone to make sure everybody knows I'm not as perfect as everyone thinks I am. Which, I'm not really worried about but she will end up making it sound like I tried to commit suicide. Cutting is very different from that though. Or, I try to talk to niece but honestly I don't know what to say. I can't talk about what I did because I don't want to put other methods into her head. I did not cut because I was sad like she said was the reason she pinches herself. I had so much emotion good and bad that sometimes my brain would overload and I needed a physical release to focus on. Niece also has a school counselor and a CPS counselor. If I go to either of them and anyone finds out in the family I am the bad guy. This is because "SIL tries her best" and "the government has no place in raising kids" and "I'm just trying to start trouble because I don't like SIL"
I really don't know what to do here. I think it may have started after the ADHD medication because it can cause anxiety. Niece was extremely mean, rude, hyper, disobedient before the medication. Way beyond what a normal 8 year old is. I am very anti-drug. Now she is in zombie land and pinching herself.
1. Is it my place to step in here?
2. Where, with whom, do I step in and speak with?
3. Is her self-mutilation even something I can understand? It seems vastly different.
DS's 2nd birthday SIL informed us that our niece was now on ADHD medication, age 8. This is while niece is sucking down a large blue ice freezy drink. Which, launches me into artificial good colorings and ADHD. DH is dyslexic and ADD so I don't allow any of this in the house both to protect DH and DS. She changes the subject.
One hour later my mom tries to tell SIL that niece #2 has ringworm on her back, age 22 months. No, says SIL, it's a horse fly bite. She is then told by two other people who did not hear the original conversation that niece #2 has ringworm. SIL disregards all of it.
This was almost 4 weeks ago. Today at a family function I notice marks on niece #1 only on her left arm. She is right handed. This is important. I ask, what happened to your arm? She replies, when I get sad I pinch myself. Now, I'm flashing back and can't find a damn word to say as she runs off.
I talk to DH about it and he says that I might be the only one that can do anything or understand. I scratched and sometimes cut from age 15-19. I really wasn't that bad. It only happened on a couple dozen occasions. No one knows except DH. If I try to talk to SIL I know she will disregard me. Then, tell everyone to make sure everybody knows I'm not as perfect as everyone thinks I am. Which, I'm not really worried about but she will end up making it sound like I tried to commit suicide. Cutting is very different from that though. Or, I try to talk to niece but honestly I don't know what to say. I can't talk about what I did because I don't want to put other methods into her head. I did not cut because I was sad like she said was the reason she pinches herself. I had so much emotion good and bad that sometimes my brain would overload and I needed a physical release to focus on. Niece also has a school counselor and a CPS counselor. If I go to either of them and anyone finds out in the family I am the bad guy. This is because "SIL tries her best" and "the government has no place in raising kids" and "I'm just trying to start trouble because I don't like SIL"
I really don't know what to do here. I think it may have started after the ADHD medication because it can cause anxiety. Niece was extremely mean, rude, hyper, disobedient before the medication. Way beyond what a normal 8 year old is. I am very anti-drug. Now she is in zombie land and pinching herself.
1. Is it my place to step in here?
2. Where, with whom, do I step in and speak with?
3. Is her self-mutilation even something I can understand? It seems vastly different.
Re: SIL, niece, my experience with self-mutilation
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
What's happening here is a mess and a nightmare. Those kids need to be in a better home and away from your SIL.
A CPS counselor? How is it that these kids are not in a foster home right now???
I don't think anybody really "understands" self mutilation. Look on line for informed information; see if you can find an in person support group. The more you know, the better off you'll be.
PS: Those energy drinks are poison. Who knows what's really in them and in what amounts. They're not fit for man or beast.
I do not know if niece #2 ever was treated for ringworm. She had on a long sleeve shirt tonight.
DH took nephew, age 6, to the demolition derby last night and is going to try to make a point to spend more time with him. We will not take niece #1 because I don't trust her around my dogs, cat, or DS. I understand some things are a product of her environment but nothing in her environment makes her say things like "I wonder what the inside of the bunny looks like" She knows how to hurt people at her age which is very sad. She told DH that if he ever did anything she didn't like she would tell people that he hits DS and they would come and take him away from us. She has been exposed to a lot but never has she ever been hit so that really concerns me. We won't take niece #2 because if it's not ringworm it's RSV or croup.
We will do what we can but we will also put DS and his safety first. If she gets older and still exhibits these issues I might try to discuss it again.